


Sweep Me Off My Feet

by LaurelNymph



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Brief descriptions of past minor character deaths, Fluff, M/M, Slice of Life, Smut, implied spoilers for levi's last name, mortician eren, street sweeper levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-24 00:50:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 66,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1585634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaurelNymph/pseuds/LaurelNymph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren makes the mistake of forgetting to move his car on street sweeping day.</p><p>It's a mistake he won't regret when he meets the man driving the street sweeping truck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

If you had asked Levi five years ago if he ever envisioned himself working for Trost’s Sanitation Department, he probably would have laughed.

And then beaten the shit out of you.

That was before Erwin came along and Levi found himself moving up from living on the streets to cleaning them. Yes, it certainly was a strange series of events that had led him to where he was now, sitting in the driver’s seat of a street sweeping truck. All in all, it wasn’t a bad job. Street sweeping paid better than minimum wage, he could work the whole day in blessed solitude, and there was a strange satisfaction Levi felt when he drove away from a street and left it sparkling clean.

All was going well this particular Thursday morning until he rounded the corner of Maple Street and saw one lone car parked in front of one of the apartment complexes. Levi could almost hear the excitement boner Marlow, trailing behind his truck like usual, was no doubt sporting at the chance to actually give out a parking ticket (most of the residents on Levi’s route had been burned enough times by the cop’s zeal for writing tickets and rarely left their cars out on street sweeping days).

Sure enough, the squad car that usually stayed behind his truck sped forward and pulled up to the curb behind the rust bucket blocking Levi’s route. Marlow got out with his little pad of tickets raring to go. Just as the officer had started writing up the ticket, a blur shot out of the apartment building and headed straight for the car that was most likely _his_ rust bucket.

“ _WAIT!_ ”

The shout was so loud Levi heard it through the whirring of the sweepers on his truck that was slowly creeping on the parked car. He rolled down his window and cut the engine when he’d reached the car blocking his path because maybe there was a chance the kid would just accept the ticket and move his car soon so Levi could still clean the part of the street currently blocked to him. His hopes were dashed once the idiot started arguing with Marlow.

“I just moved here so I didn’t know it was the street sweeping day! I’ll move my car, I swear!”

If only Levi had a dollar for every time he’d heard _that_.

“That is no excuse. The street sweeping times are clearly marked,” Marlow scolded the owner of the car.

“Yeah, but—”

Marlow went off into his typical parking ticket speech that Levi had long ago learned to tune out. Minutes trickled by. Levi was contemplating just moving around them and forgetting that part of the street when he noticed Marlow gesticulating toward him. He’d probably reached the part of his ticket speech about inconveniencing city workers.

A quick look at his dashboard showed that Marlow was absolutely right about him being inconvenienced. He was getting dangerously close to running late and fuck working overtime because some idiot couldn’t be assed to move his car and a different idiot wouldn’t let go of his power trip. Marlow was still droning on about responsibility when Levi leaned out the window.

“ _Christ_ , Marlow, will you just let the kid go so I can do my job?”

“’M not a kid,” he heard the stranger mumble. Marlow puffed up indignantly.

“I would hardly be doing _my_ job if—”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard your ticket spiel before,” Levi cut him off. “But I don’t need Erwin on my ass if I can’t finish my route. Capisce?”

Marlow deflated a little at the mention of the Sanitation Commissioner. Levi made a mental note that Marlow’s will crumbled easily when authority figures with higher authority than his were involved. That might prove useful in the future.

“Fine,” Marlow ground out, looking physically pained as he ripped up the parking ticket. The messy stranger beamed in delight.

“Thanks, man!” he called out gleefully. Marlow didn’t reply as he skulked back to his squad car. The stranger then turned that smile toward Levi. “Seriously, _thank you_. You saved my ass just now.”

“Get your ass in your car and move it now,” Levi growled.

“Okay, okay,” the stranger said. Levi sat back in the truck and started to roll up the window. Not fast enough to miss the stranger hissing, “Oh shit, I forgot my keys.”

“You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me.”

* * *

As the week dragged on, Levi managed to forget about the messy stranger on Maple Street. At least, until he turned onto Maple the next week and saw that shitty rust bucket parked in front of the apartment building again.

“God _dammit_ ,” he swore. Because as much as this was a job Erwin had foisted on him, he really did hate to leave dirty spots under the cars who hadn’t moved. Levi made to pass around the parked car when the driver’s door was thrown open. The stranger tumbled out, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

“The fuck, were you sleeping in your car?” Levi asked incredulously. “What happened, girlfriend kick you out?”

“Nah, just waiting,” the stranger groaned, obviously still half-asleep. “I was hoping you’d come by again.”

“I ‘come by’ every Thursday,” Levi deadpanned. “It’s sort of my job.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know if you guys switch routes or something,” the stranger explained. “I don’t know much about street sweeping.”

“That’s for damn sure,” Levi agreed. “You’re supposed to _not_ park on the street when we come by, but you’ve done it twice in a row now.”

“I had a good reason today!” the stranger insisted before producing an envelope from his sweatshirt pocket. “I wanted to thank you. That ticket would’ve really set me back.” The stranger held the envelope up to Levi’s window, grinning broadly. “It’s not much, but I hope you like it.”

“You know I only did that so I could finish my job, right?” Levi said, reaching out for the envelope anyway. The stranger shrugged.

“Still helped,” he insisted as he passed the card to Levi. A closer look revealed the envelope was one of those gift card sleeves holding a Starbucks card.

“I figured anyone who is up this early on a regular basis could always use a coffee,” the stranger explained with a bright smile.

Without warning, Levi’s world was tipped upside down by the brilliant smile overtaking the stranger’s face as he explained his gift and Levi could have sworn his heart actually skipped a beat. He suddenly and deeply regretted letting Hange goad him into watching her shitty animes because he could have sworn he was suddenly standing under a shower of flower petals as his eyes locked with the stranger’s eyes. To sum it up, it was a moment of pure “ _Oh no, he’s hot_ ”. Because _goddamn_. The dumbass was still in his ratty pajamas, hair mussed, and stubble on his chin but he somehow managed to be gorgeous as shit with bright shining eyes and a smile to match. It was criminal how effortlessly good-looking he was and he was still looking straight into Levi’s eyes. The gaze made Levi’s heart beat wildly out of control in a way that wasn’t fucking fair.

Levi forced himself to stop looking at the beautiful stranger before he went into cardiac arrest. It was much too early for an attack on his heart like this. Levi wanted to run, to escape the feeling creeping up in his chest that felt like a hive of African bees about to swarm some hapless creature.

So he said, “Thanks,” gruffly and after a long, awkward pause.

“Enjoy!” the kid called out before ducking back into his car and driving off.

Later, Levi would have a hard time trying to explain to Erwin how he’d gone twenty minutes over his shift without admitting to the encounter and sitting in his parked truck for ten minutes gaping at the card.

* * *

A few days later, Levi finally got the chance to put the Starbucks card to use and treated himself to a ridiculously expensive black tea. He handed over the card, sleeve and all, and waited for the cashier to swipe it. There was only enough money on the card to just barely cover the drink and leave a few cents, but Levi wasn’t about to complain. Free tea was free tea. He turned to go wait for his drink when the cashier called out to him, “Um, do you need this card back?”

“Why would I need it back?” Levi asked.

“Well, there’s a number on it…” the cashier trailed off. Levi blinked in surprise. The chest-full-of-swarming-bees feeling was back in full and he could feel his hopes rising against his will.

“Yeah, I will take it back,” Levi said before taking the card and flipping it over. Scrawled messily in Sharpie was a name—Eren—and a string of numbers.

He didn’t need to think twice before saving the contact in his phone. He’d text the stranger ( _Eren!_ his mind supplied) later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi texts the number Eren gave him. It is not what he was expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used gender-neutral pronouns for Hange.

          Eren  
          6:17  
          Thanks for the Starbucks card. |

 

The cursor on his phone screen blinked as Levi contemplated what to text Eren. He had no idea what else to say, but what he'd come up with had to be fine. It better be after the fifteen minutes of bees-in-chest feeling he'd suffered trying to figure out what to text.

Well, carpe fucking diem. It was worth a shot.

He pressed send. After a few tense minutes, his phone buzzed.

 

          6:22  
          ur welcome! glad u liked it :)

 

Jesus Christ, he texted like a sixteen-year-old.

Fuck, what if he _was_ a sixteen-year-old? He could be a kid who just got his license. Meeting a guy that great looking and getting his number was too good to be true after all. He was probably a minor. Levi didn't want to go to jail. Not after he'd managed to avoid it after all the shit he got up to when he was still living on the street. He absolutely needed to find out the kid's age. He would have to ask subtly.

 

          6:24  
          You text like a sixteen-year-old girl.

 

          6:24  
          >:( i do not!

 

          6:25  
          Very convincing.  
          You sure you're not some high school brat?

 

Master of subtly. Levi patted himself on the back.

 

          6:27  
          im 24!

 

Thank god.

Still young, but ten years wasn't so bad of an age difference. Levi could work with this.

 

          6:27  
          and i graduated college 2 years ago  
          Def not a teenager nemore

 

Well, he could work with it if he could get used to this awful texting. A face that pretty had to come with some drawbacks.

It was Levi's cross to bear.

 

          6:28  
          You could have fooled me with your shitty texting.  
          Are you even speaking English?

 

          6:29  
          :P  
          6:37  
          pic_384 attached  
          Read it and weep! >:)  
          i AM a college grad!

 

The attached photo was a selfie of Eren, grinning broadly and holding a framed diploma up next to his face. Levi's fingers moved of his own accord and saved the picture as Eren’s contact icon before zooming in on the photo.

Unfair. How was he supposed to handle this without having a heart attack? Eren was actually wearing clothes that didn’t look like they had been through a fire this time. Without the bulky sweatshirt Levi could tell that he obviously spent time at the gym because those arms and shoulders were ridiculous. Levi was enjoying the up close and personal encounter with Eren’s face when he made the mistake of glancing at the diploma in his hand.

It was blurry, but he could still make out the kid's name and if he squinted he could just make out the major...

_What the fuck?_

 

          6:46  
          You majored in fucking mortuary science?

 

And then, because the situation really warranted repeating that sentiment—

 

          6:46  
          What the fuck.

 

          6:47  
          yeah it kinda freaks most people out

 

Levi could sympathize with “most people”. He was more than a little unsettled right now (and frankly turned off). With a face and body like Eren had, he’d been expecting to hear that Eren was a barista or an artist or hell, maybe even a stripper. Something sexy or cute, but sure as hell not something this fucking _weird_. Levi was _not_ expecting that beautiful messy kid to be a _mortician_ of all things. He couldn't even imagine Eren poking around dead bodies. His brain flat out refused to picture it.

His phone buzzed and flashed that creepy, gorgeous, smiling face at him again from the lock screen. After some major internal conflict, Levi checked what Eren had to say.

 

          7:03  
          did i scare u away?

 

          7:05  
          No.

 

Not quite, anyway. It had probably been way too long since Levi’d gotten laid if knowing that Eren regularly rooted around in dead fucking bodies wasn’t enough of a complete turn-off to make him back out of this conversation now. Instead he soldiered on. For that face.

Maybe if he was lucky this was a joke.

 

          7:07  
          No shitting me, you’re really a mortician?

 

          7:08  
          well im actually still apprenticing  
          so no  
          7:09  
          but in a year i can take the license exam  
          THEN ill be a mortician

 

Of course it wasn’t a joke. When was the universe ever so kind to him?

 

          7:11  
          I see.

 

What else did you even say to that?

Levi tapped the keyboard aimlessly for a moment while he thought about what to say next. He was really at a standstill here. He was still undecided on whether or not to pursue this thing but what did you even talk about with a sexy guy who preserved dead bodies for a living? What wooed them? (Did he even want to know?)

A new text buzzed in as soon as he hit send on his own text.

 

          7:14  
          y mortician?

 

          7:14  
          Why become a mortician?

 

 Goddammit.

 

          7:17  
          thats usually what ppl ask next :)  
          maybe ill tell u over dinner sometime

 

Levi choked. Actually fucking _choked_ on his own spit. _Pathetic!_

 

          7:18  
          You cocky little shit.

 

          7:19  
          ;)

 

          7:22  
          What makes you think I want to have dinner with you?

 

          7:23  
          U texted ME  
          7:29  
          did u forget?

 

He had.

 

          7:31  
          Of course not.  
          Don’t be a dumbass.  
          7:32  
          That’s probably hard for you.

 

          7:34  
          :(  
          u jerk!

 

          7:56  
          Cry me a fucking river.

 

          7:57  
          ……;A;……

 

          8:00  
          The fuck is that?

 

          8:01  
          its a crying face  
          theres ur river  
          u happy now?

 

Goddammit, why was that cute as fuck?

 

          8:03  
          That’s a stream, not a river.

 

          8:06  
          ;A;……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

          ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
          that long enough 4 u?

 

          8:08  
          It’s not bad.

 

          8:10  
          jeez what would make u happy?

 

          8:11  
          You could actually move your damn car this week, for starters.

 

          8:13  
          done deal :)

 

          8:14  
          Good.

 

          8:15  
          would a dinner with yours truly make u happy?

 

So the kid was pretty serious about a date after all. Levi struggled to decide whether that face made up for the shitty-texter-who-regularly-embalmed-dead-people thing.

 

          8:19  
          Determined little shit, aren’t you?

 

          8:20  
          i get that a lot  
          8:25  
          so whaddya say?

 

Well, Levi wasn’t 100% opposed to the idea of dating Eren but he wasn’t necessarily raring to go either. He settled on

 

          8:29  
          I’ll think about it.

 

          8:31  
          is that a “im too polite to say no” ill think about it?  
          8:32  
          cuz u can just say no if u dont wanna  
          i totally understand

 

          8: 32  
          Don’t worry your empty little head, when I want to say no I’ll fucking say it.

 

          8:33  
          i should have guessed, ur not exactly polite :)

 

          8:35  
          It’s getting late.  
          Isn’t it getting close to your bedtime, little boy?

 

          8:36  
          ha ha ha :/  
          well good night i guess  
          uhh btw i forgot 2 ask  
          8:37  
          whats ur name?

 

          8:38  
          I was wondering how long it would be before you remembered to ask.

 

          8:43  
          so????

 

          8:47  
          It’s Levi.

 

          8:48  
          k  
          good nite, levi :)

 

          8:50  
          Good night.

 

Levi set down his phone. That had gone fairly okay, even factoring in the whole mortician deal. The conversation had been kind of fun (because _of course_ the kid was good looking and funny. Just his luck.). Plus it was nice to see Eren didn’t seem to have a problem with Levi’s unique way of interacting with people he tolerated. He was maybe starting to lean toward giving the mortician a chance.

Well, he’d keep thinking about it at any rate. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

* * *

He was still thinking it over by the time Monday rolled around. His distraction must have been noticeable because when he was in the locker room changing out of his uniform he was suddenly pounced upon.

“Levi, you look troubled! Tell your old pal Hange what’s wrong!”

“Let me go before I kick your ass,” Levi growled. They did.

“Jeez, grumpy-pants. What’s got your panties in a twist?”

“ _Nothing_.”

“I’m not buying that ‘ _nothing_ ’. Something’s eating you.”

Levi ignored them and started folding up his uniform to put back in his locker.

“You’ll feel better after you admit what’s wrong and you know it,” Hange continued in a sing-song voice.

Much as Levi hated to admit it, telling Hange might actually help his situation. After all, they worked under a contract with the city’s sanitation department researching recycling. Hange was the one who actively handled garbage day in and day out. They probably had experience with this exact same problem. Maybe they _would_ have some idea of what decision Levi should make.

“Hange,” he said. “I need you to answer a personal question.”

“You’re finally participating in TMI Tuesday! All right!” they responded with a fist pump and an amount of enthusiasm no one should have at the end of the day. “Fire away!”

“It’s Monday not Tuesday, but do you ever have trouble with people being weirded out by your job? Maybe when dating or something?”

“Oho!” Hange crooned. “Is Levi self-conscious about telling someone he likes he’s a garbageman?”

“ _I am a street sweeper, Hange._ ”

“Mmm-hmmmm,” they said in that horrible, annoying way people do when they don’t believe you. “Seriously though, is there someone you’re trying to woo? Tell me everything. What’s his name? What does he look like? How tall is he? Do I know him? What does he do? What’s his blood type? Is he—”

“Calm the fuck down,” Levi groused. “I’m not gabbing about boys with you.”

Hange deflated.

“Boo, you whore,” they accused.

“Stop quoting that godforsaken movie. Just answer my question.”

“Which was…?”

“Do people get turned off by your job?”

“Oh, yeah, all the time!” Hange replied. “But you probably don’t need to worry! Your job is _much_ less weird than mine is. I’m sure you’ll be fine with your laddie love.”

Levi made a noncommittal noise. That didn’t really solve his conundrum at all since it was Eren’s job that was making this a difficult decision to make. Hange seemed to pick up on his dissatisfaction with their answer because they continued, “ _Or_ , is this new fellow you’re into the one with the weird job?”

“Yeah,” Levi admitted.

“Well don’t leave me hanging, tell me what it is!” Hange whined.

“He’s a mortician.”

“Wow.”

“I know.”

“That’s really out there.”

“ _I know_.”

“So are you gonna go for it?”  
  
“I don’t know.”

“Why not?” Hange asked. “Remember the ancient proverb: if he’s hot, why not?”

“Because it’s creepy as hell.”

“His job’s creepy, or he’s creepy?”

“Job.”

“Hmm,” Hange said. After a few moments of thinking they spoke up again. “Well, if it really bothers you don’t go for it. I’m sure he won’t appreciate his profession being barely tolerated. I know I don’t. Even though I know it’s weird, my work is important to me and when people I care about are bothered by it, it’s not fun. So don’t force it. Nothing good’s gonna come out of that.”

“I suppose so,” Levi agreed.

“Well, whatever happens, tell me how it goes!” Hange demanded before flouncing out.

* * *

 Later that evening, one thing Hange had said stood out above all the rest.

“Even though I know it’s weird, my work is important to me.”

It really got Levi thinking. You didn’t go into a job as fucking weird as a mortician without finding that work damn important. Eren had to be incredibly strong and dedicated to have been at this for the last six years. And the more Levi thought of it, that type of passion was kind of amazing. Even if it was applied to something really unorthodox. The dead bodies thing was still pretty creepy but when he thought about it in the perspective of what kind of character Eren obviously had, it suddenly bothered him a lot less.

          Eren  
          4:35  
          So when were you thinking of taking me on that date?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point I feel I should mention my main motivation coming up with this AU was to give both characters weird jobs. So that's why, if anyone was wondering.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am incredibly amused by the revelation that Levi is clumsy at romance and tried to incorporate this in the boys' first date.
> 
> (Uploaded the wrong thing at first, sorry about that.)

Four-Eyes  
3:23  
GOOD LUCK ON YOUR DATE TODAY LITTLE GRASSHOPPER!!!!!!!!!!!! (*^3^)/~☆  
3:23  
DON’T FORGET TO TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS AFTER YOUR DATE!!!!!!!!!

 

Levi ignored Hange’s texts. Instead, he started heading toward the Starbucks for his coffee date with Eren, gripping his book tightly. Call him paranoid, but just in case Eren had the balls to be late, he wanted something to occupy his time with while he waited. (Plus it was good to have something he could smack Eren with if he turned out to be a creep. He'd brought his thickest, heaviest book in hardcover if the need arose.)

He'd barely cracked open the coffee shop's door when he heard a loud, excited cry of, "Levi! Over here!"

The shock that Eren was _actually early—_ hell, even earlier than him! _—_ stopped him straight in his tracks (and cue the bees-in-chest feeling resurfacing!). Apparently, Eren took his sudden stillness to mean Levi hadn't noticed his screaming and started waving wildly from the table where he was sitting.

To Levi's credit, he only considered running away in mortification for about half a second before he manned up and joined Eren at his table.

"Hey Levi!" Eren beamed at him with his disgusting, beautiful face.

"You're not late."

 _Shit_. He hadn't meant to say that.

"You sound so surprised," Eren teased, thankfully taking his unintentional insult in stride. If Levi were a praying man, he’d be sending a shitload of thanks up above right now that Eren hadn’t immediately become offended and left. Normally he wouldn’t care about offending people (it weeded out the weak) but if Eren turned out to be the catch he looked like, Levi didn’t want to screw it up right away.

"You look like the type who'd be late to everything," Levi admitted, cautious of his tone. "You can't even move your car on street-sweeping day."

"I remembered this week!" Eren reminded him. "But in high school, oh yeah. I was late to everything. The important thing is I learned how to be on time. Eventually."

"It's an important skill," Levi said lamely because he wasn't sure what else to say. An awkward lull immediately followed.

"So what did you want to drink?" Eren asked, standing up. "My treat."

"A large black tea."

Eren headed toward the cashier and Levi tried to will himself into acting like a normal person on a date. Soon enough Eren came back with their drinks.

"They misspelled my name again," he sulked.

"They sure did," Levi concurred. The awkward silence returned as the sipped their drinks.

"Well, you promised you'd tell me if I went on a date with you," Levi began, trying to break the silence. "What made you pick being a mortician?"

Eren shuffled in his seat.

"Actually, it's a pretty depressing story. Not really first date material. Or so I'm told."

The last part was bitterly muttered. And now things had gotten about fifty times more awkward. _Way to go, shit for brains!,_ Levi mentally screamed at himself.

"So how did you end up becoming a street sweeper?" Eren asked in a rush, clearly eager to change the subject. "That must be an interesting story!"

"It is," Levi had to admit. He didn't want to _tell_ Eren though.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Eren added quickly, having obviously picked up on the fact that Levi wasn't eager to talk about it. "So, uh... what's your team? You like sports?"

Levi appreciated how hard Eren was trying to make their date run smoothly (even if his attempts were pretty shitty). He was trying to make this work and if this thing with Eren was going anywhere, Levi had to try, too.

Well fuck it, he decided. Besides, he couldn’t keep the more sordid details of his youth from Eren forever. If he was going to find out eventually, Levi at least wanted to be the one to break the bad news to Eren.

"I tried to mug Commissioner Smith."

Eren gaped at him.

"Commissioner Smith? That sanitation guy everyone says is gunning for mayor?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"He looked rich. Richer than me and I thought I could get a few quick bucks off him. Instead he offered me a job. And here I am."

A pause followed.

"There's more to the story than that, right? There's gotta be!" Eren exclaimed. He suddenly grinned. "Oh, I get it. He kicked your ass, didn't he, and you don’t want to admit it!"

"He did _not_ ," Levi insisted because he was telling the truth, dammit. "But... I didn't realize he was on his way to meet up with his partner. _Mike_ is the one who kicked my ass."

"Cuz that's so much better?"

Levi felt around with his foot under the table. When he found Eren's shoe, he stepped on it hard.

"Mike is one big-ass _tree_ of a man. He's 6'5" and has eighty pounds on me. There's no shame in losing to a surprise attack from that beast."

"Of course not," Eren demurred. Levi moved his foot off Eren's.

"Damn straight."

"So then what happened after the unfair, surprise attack that did _not_ come from Commissioner Smith?"

Levi glared at the insolent creature sitting before him but continued.

"I got the hell out of there. But Mike and Erwin are into charity shit and I ran into them again at a shelter with my sister. That's when Erwin offered me a job at Trost Sanitation."

"Weird," Eren breathed. "Why'd he do that?"

"I don't get it either. Erwin doesn't always make sense."

"That's not good if he's really planning on running for mayor."

"He says he's not," Levi shrugged. It got quiet again. Eren was staring earnestly at him and it was becoming unsettling. Levi knew the story he'd just told Eren gave him a lot of dirty information about his past. Eren had to be regretting all this. Who wouldn't have second thoughts about dating someone like him? Why did he even bother?

"The hell are you staring for?" Levi asked tersely, almost certain that Eren was thinking of some way to escape this date.

"You said you have a sister, right? I'm just trying to figure out whether you're the little brother or the big one," Eren said. He hummed thoughtfully before adding, "I'm thinking…big. You have a big brother aura."

Surprised, Levi couldn’t help but relax a little, relieved that Eren wasn't prying into any of the unpleasant parts of the story or making up excuses to leave. He had just accepted it.

"I am the older one," Levi confirmed. "And, uh, how about you? You seem like you’d be an only child."

"You’re close. I _was_ an only child for a long time. But when I was nine my parents adopted so I got a big sister.”

“That must’ve been fun," Levi commented.

“Yeah,” Eren said with an unreadable smile. “Hey, you never answered me earlier about your team.Did you watch the World Cup?"

 _Not this shit again_ , Levi cursed mentally.

This was just great. Absolutely fan-fucking- _tastic_. Eren was changing subjects abruptly again so obviously Levi had somehow managed to fuck up even though he was actually trying not to for a change. Was there no limit to the number of times he could make a date uncomfortable on one outing?

Levi decided to just try to salvage the day and answered Eren’s question.

"I was more interested in the Stanley Cup, but I watched a few of the World Cup games."

Even though it turned out they had been rooting for different teams in the World Cup (Levi supported France while Eren liked Germany), sports turned out to be a fairly safe topic, unlike their pasts. Both men started to relax and enjoy their conversation. Things were starting to turn around; they talked about soccer and hockey for so long Levi's leg actually started going numb from the weight of the book he'd brought that was resting on his thigh. He set it on a clean napkin lying on the table to give his leg a rest.

"What's that?" Eren asked.

Levi raised an eyebrow.

"Civilized men call them books, Tarzan."

"I meant _which_ book is that, you asshole," Eren replied without any real malice in his tone. Levi spun the book around on the table so that Eren could see the spine.

"'Les Mis', huh? Nice."

"You've read it?"

"You could act a little less surprised that I read books, Levi," Eren said with an accompanying eye roll. "But I did have to read an abridged version to get through it. The real one's way too fucking long. Armin tried to—ah, Armin's my best friend—he _tried_ to lend me his copy but I couldn't get past the lists of how that bishop guy was donating his money."

"Parts of it read like a bad case of constipation," Levi agreed. Eren snickered.

"Yeah, I gotta admit," Eren leaned in; Levi followed and he whispered conspiratorially, "I like the musical version best."

"Never seen it."

“Trost isn’t really big on theater,” Eren said, nodding as if he understood what Levi was trying to say. “When my mom took Armin and me to see it we had to drive all the way to downtown Sina.”

In all honesty, distance wasn’t the roadblock that stopped Levi from seeing the play but he wasn’t about to rain on Eren’s parade. Not when things were going this smoothly.

As they continued talking, suddenly Eren was interrupted by a loud, drawn out growl that clearly came from his own stomach. His face turned pink.

“Uh, sorry,” Eren said sheepishly, checking something on his phone. “I didn’t realize how late it was getting.”

A quick glance at his watch showed Levi that over two hours had passed. It was getting close to dinner time.

“I didn’t mean to keep you so long,” Eren apologized.

“It’s fine,” Levi replied in all seriousness. “I was having fun. It doesn’t bother me.”

Eren looked highly satisfied by that.

“Good.”

He stood up and Levi took the cue to stand up as well and collected his book and empty cup to throw away.

“Then I’ll see you later,” Eren said as they parted ways and flashed a dazzling smile that would have made a lesser man blush in excitement.

However, Levi was a man made of sterner stuff. He made it all the way to his car before he allowed the flush dying to escape spread across his face. Okay, that settled it. He could deal with the dead bodies thing. He _was going to_ deal with the dead bodies thing (at least as long as Eren allowed him to, anyway) because it turned out Eren’s personality was almost as incredible as his body. That date had gone well and Levi had no intentions of letting this thing end here.

* * *

By the time Levi had driven himself back home, he had 34 unread text messages and 17 missed phone calls. A quick scan of his text history showed that all of the messages (and likely the phone calls as well) were a barrage of questions from Hange about how his date had gone. Levi sighed deeply before dialing Hange’s number. As they grilled him on how things had gone, he tried his best to sound as if he weren’t greatly excited about how his date had gone.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hange is relentless. Erwin tries to help. Plans are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added a few new tags to this fic and I will probably continue doing so as I develop this AU more and more. I tend to jump into fics without planning them so I'll be adding new content and ship tags as I decide what's going to happen with the plot. I don't plan on adding anything triggering or having any nasty surprises, but if there's something that you're worried might show up, please check the tags periodically in case I've included something you don't wish to read about. The rating may also go up, I haven't decided yet.
> 
> Also, THANK YOU for the 100+ kudos. I'm so thrilled and happy that many people enjoy this thing.

The next day of work went by fairly peacefully for Levi. Except for the part where his route had taken him past a coffee shop. Then his stupid heart stuttered thinking about his (very successful) date with Eren again. Levi’s relatively peaceful day died a violent death the moment Hange pounced on him in the locker room after work because they were about as tenacious as dog chasing a stick when they wanted something and what they wanted was more details about Levi's personal life than he was willing to give up.

"I just have a few questions left, _I promise_ ," they yelped as Levi tried to walk away from Hange.

"That's what you said at 9:00 last night on the phone. And midnight. And right before I hung up on you at one o’clock in the morning," Levi hissed, shaking his arm violently to try to throw Hange off so he could just go home already. They clung tightly anyway, following him as he tried to leave the building.

"But Levi, you didn't finish telling me all the details about your date!"

How could Hange possibly need to know more?

"You badgered me for _six fucking hours_ last night! What the hell else could you possibly need to know now?! The thread count of his shirt?!"

" _Do_ you know it?" Hange asked excitedly. "Because that would actually tell me a lot about his personality and—"

"NO," Levi insisted. He was putting his foot down. "No more questions!"

"Levi," Hange whined. "I want to know these things because I'm your friend! I want you to be happy which is why I want to know _everything_ about how your date went. I _need_ to know!"

"Levi went on a date?" a third voice chimed in. Erwin and Mike had appeared from an adjacent hallway. Fuck, Levi was _never_ going to hear the end of the intrusive questions now.

"He sure did!" Hange exclaimed gleefully and threw an arm around Levi's shoulders. He was trapped. Mostly by the fact that he didn't feel like breaking Hange's arm today. Make no mistake; he definitely could have escaped otherwise. They were lucky he was still in a good mood from yesterday (although that mood was dwindling with all these annoyances he called friends).

“Who agreed to go on a date with you?” Mike asked in amazement.

“Your mother,” Levi muttered petulantly.

“She’s too tall for you,” Hange sassed back. Mike snickered. The snickers turned to full-blown laughter when Levi elbowed Hange hard in the side.

“Did you really go on a date, Levi?” Erwin asked over the sound of Hange's wheezing.

“Yes,” he said flatly. “And it would be great if everyone would stop making a huge fucking deal out of it.”

Erwin quirked one of his ridiculously bushy eyebrows up.

“So this relationship might be serious, then?”

Levi stared at Erwin as if he’d grown an extra head. That made more sense than the tripe that was coming out of his mouth (but it would be seriously fantastic if that tripe came true).

“How could it be serious already? We had coffee once!”

“It went well, though, didn’t it? You normally can’t stop complaining when you go on a bad date. If you’re not saying anything, then your date must have gone well,” Erwin reasoned with a smile. Damn him. Damn his insane deduction skills. “Good for you, Levi! It’s about time you found someone special.”

“We’re _very_ proud of you,” Mike added.

“Shut the fuck up, both of you.”

Of course, no one ever did what Levi wanted them to do. Erwin opened his mouth anyway and said, “When are you seeing him again?”

“Stop asking me questions.”

“You sent him a follow-up text the day after your date, right?" Erwin asked.

"What did I just say?"

"So you're going to let him chase you like usual, huh?" Erwin hummed. Levi refused to dignify Erwin’s wild accusations with an answer. "Just be careful. You don't want him to get confused and think you're not interested."

"I am going to go home _now_ ," Levi announced loudly and then did just that while Hange was still incapacitated.

* * *

When Levi got to his car, he checked his phone for any texts, incapable of _not_ feeling anxious over the state of his potential relationship with Eren after Erwin’s warning. His breath quickened when he saw the “1 new text message” banner at the top of the screen.

The disappointment when he realized it was a text message from his service provider reminding him of his upcoming billing date and not Eren was cruel.

Levi scowled at his phone. Nervousness and uncertainty weren’t emotions he was used to dealing with, especially in relation to other people. This whole not-knowing-what-to-do thing was unusual and unpleasant. It didn’t help that he didn’t have much dating experience to draw on. After a moment of reflection, Levi thought “Fuck it” and opened his text thread with Eren. Erwin’s advice was usually spot-on. He might as well take it. What was the worst that could happen? Well, Eren could dump him. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Levi forced himself to type out a quick follow-up message to Eren and send it before he lost his nerve, then started his drive home.

That timing turned out to be a choice with a number of regrets; in retrospect, he really should have waited until he got home to start texting. When his cell phone chimed with a new message midway through his commute Levi had immediately run a red he was so suddenly overcome with nervous energy. More questionably safe driving choices were made in Levi’s hurry to get home and read the text (that better actually be from Eren this time and not his fucking phone company trolling him again).

Upon unlocking his phone, Levi was met with the welcome sight of the unread message icon hovering next to Eren’s name on his phone screen.

 

Eren  
5:07  
Thanks for the coffee the other day. I had fun.

 

5: 38  
im glad u had fun! :D so did i

 

Levi breathed a sigh of relief he didn’t realize he was holding. Eren was responding. And with a god-awful smiley to boot. He never would have thought that terrible spelling and grammar could make him happy, but here he was, smiling at the text that would make a third grader cringe. He started typing again.

 

5:39  
We should do that again sometime.

 

There. See, Erwin? He didn’t only play hard to get. (Levi never played hard to get, no matter what Erwin accused him of.) He could do this. He _could do this_. Levi finally left his car and headed up to his own apartment. After setting his phone on the kitchen counter where he’d hear it when Eren texted back, Levi started boiling some water for instant noodles.

 

5:53  
sure! but can we talk about it later? i have a wake at 6

 

5:54  
All right.

 

Levi went back to his noodle preparation feeling pretty good because Eren did want to see him again! He spent a quiet evening enjoying his noodles, tea, and the home and garden channel with no annoying interruptions from his nosy friends. Levi was taking note of some interesting cement techniques when the sound he’d been waiting for all night came.

 

10:36  
u still awake?

 

10:36  
No. I’m asleep.  
I sleep-text.  
Get used to it.

 

Levi expected another text response. But he didn’t expect his phone to start ringing and flashing Eren’s face at him. Levi tried to force his pulse to slow back to normal again as he picked up the phone.

“It’s your wake-up call!” Eren called out cheerily. Levi felt stupid with how happy hearing the other’s voice again was making him.

“Hello, Eren.”

“Hey, sorry for calling so late.”

Levi laughed quietly.

“Don’t worry, for me this is early.”

“Night owl?” Eren questioned.

Insomniac was more like it, but why overload Eren with his problems now? That could wait.

“Yeah.”

“Same here. But yeah, about that second date. My friend was telling me that this new, really good gelato place just opened at the open-air mall. You wanna check it out with me?”

“Yes. That sounds fine,” Levi replied. He did like ice cream. Ice cream cones were another story (those fragile little fuckers were responsible for a number of traumatic childhood memories) but he could do ice cream.

“Great!” Eren said. “When do you have time off? Do street sweepers just have normal weekends?”

“We do,” Levi answered. “When do morticians have days off?”

“Our days off are the days when people don’t die.”

“So you don’t have weekends.”

“Well, at the funeral parlor where I’m apprenticing they stagger our days off so we can stay open every day _and_ give everyone a break, so it’s not like I _never_ have time off. But sometimes my days off are in the middle of the week. But Mr. Pixis is pretty cool about making sure we all get normal weekends pretty regularly.”

“That’s good.”

Over the phone he heard some rustling.

“Okay! So I checked my schedule for this week and I’m free Saturday. Is that day good for you?”

“That works for me.”

“Awesome!”

Levi could practically hear the smile on Eren’s face.

“Then we can meet up at the mall around 1:30 or something?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Levi agreed.

“Great! Then I will see you Saturday.”

“All right then.”

“Well, I’ll let you go now, I’m sure you have work tomorrow. I know I do. Anyway, have a good week, Levi.”

“You too. Bye Eren.”

Levi hung up feeling immensely satisfied. He had another date lined up with Eren and he was honestly starting to feel pretty hopeful about this thing.

* * *

Mercifully, his coworkers/friends left him alone on the dating front for the rest of the work week. Except for the expectant stares as if they were all waiting for him to suddenly spill all the details of his romantic life like a bad case of diarrhea, they were acting normally. The lack of harassment made the excruciating wait for Saturday a little more tolerable.

The innocuous little texts that Eren sent him throughout the week helped, too.

Friday night Levi slept even less than usual. Saturday morning crawled by; both breakfast and lunch tasted like cardboard. He kept an eye on his clock, waiting for the minutes to keep ticking away until it was a reasonable time to go to the mall.

He made it there without incident and headed for the fountain where he had agreed to meet Eren. Today he was the first one to arrive at their date, but soon enough Eren showed up smiling. Levi felt his face contorting against his will; he couldn’t help the smile trying to break free on his own face.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Eren teased when he was standing before Levi.

“So which ice cream joint are we heading to?” Levi asked because he was coming up blank for any smart-ass responses to what Eren had just said.

Eren named some place and they started walking together.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi go on their second date.

They made small talk—how was your week, was work all right?—until they reached the gelato store. It didn’t seem like anything special to Levi until they were standing in front of the ice cream case.

“Jesus Christ, is there a flavor they _don’t_ have?” Levi wondered out loud after glimpsing the rows of vastly different flavors the store offered. They even sold _popcorn_ flavored gelato.

“Human flesh?” Eren suggested. Levi cringed.

“Disgusting.”

Eren just laughed. Fortunately the server turned to them at that point, cutting off any more filth from the other man as they ordered. When they moved down the line to pay for both of their ice creams, Eren went to grab his wallet. Levi swatted his hand away before he could try to pay.

“Don’t be an idiot, you paid last time.”

“Yeah, but—”

“And you bought me that gift card.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that!” he replied. Levi heard him mumble, “Best decision of my life.”

_Fuck_ , Levi could feel even his ears burning with the awesome power of the blush those five little words gave him. He fumbled for the right amount of cash hoping Eren wasn’t looking at his face right now because he was as red as a middle school student during sex ed. He couldn’t meet the other’s eyes again until they were seated with their treats and he felt his face had finally cooled down back into neutral, bitch-face territory.

“What’d you end up getting?” Eren asked once he realized he and Levi had established eye contact again.

“Mint.”

“Mint?” he repeated looking distressed. Over what?

“You got a problem with mint?”

“It tastes like toothpaste,” he whined.

Those simple words ignited a firestorm of terror in Levi’s soul right then and there. It _was_ only their second date, after all. There was still plenty of time to find issues within each other they couldn’t handle and this was quite possibly it for Levi. This was Eren’s major flaw. Something had to come along and ruin this thing and here it was. The mortician thing had turned out to barely bother him. The terrible texting was also acceptable. But this was not. If you had a problem with toothpaste, Levi had a problem with you. He could not tolerate poor hygiene, not even for the Adonis-worthy face and body sitting across from him.

“You better have brushed your teeth today,” he warned, 100% seriously. Eren rolled his eyes.

“Of course I brushed my teeth today, _Mom_. I brush them every day, twice a day.”

Thank. Fucking. _God_ that he didn't believe in. There was still hope.

“I just don’t want to be reminded of the dentist’s office when I’m trying to eat dessert.”

“Makes sense,” Levi agreed. That was an acceptable answer. Eren was forgiven. He could breathe easily now. Except not really, because Eren was probably the messiest eater older than three. He’d opted for the cone instead of the cup, unlike Levi, and in his enthusiastic licking he was getting pink ice cream all over his face. Watching your (potential) SO licking a phallic object was supposed to be attractive, but Eren just looked like a little kid whose gum had popped all over his face. What a dork.

“Were you raised in a fucking barn?” Levi asked and threw a napkin at Eren when he could stand the mess no longer. “Wipe your face! There's ice cream everywhere."

"But I'm not done yet. I'll just keep getting messy so there's no point cleaning up now."

"The point is not looking like a five-year-old. You've gotten your cotton candy shit all over yourself."

“It’s not cotton candy flavored,” Eren informed him between licks and made no move to wipe his mouth. “It’s rose-flavored!”

“Never heard of that flavor before.”

“It’s good,” Eren insisted and thrust his ice cream cone toward Levi’s face. “Wanna try some?”

Levi tried to contain his shudder, he really did, but sharing food (especially food covered in other people’s drool) was something he couldn’t hack.

“Not after you slobbered all over it.”

“Your loss,” Eren shrugged and kept eating. The ice cream caked on his mouth was still bothering Levi, but he didn’t want to nag him. Too much. (And right away.)

They kept eating their ice cream in a fairly comfortable silence. Unsurprisingly, Eren was done first. Levi was glad to see that as soon he was done eating he wiped his mouth unprompted, although he did miss a huge glob on the corner of his chin.

"You've got some ice cream here," Levi gestured at his own face.

"Aw man," Eren said, and wiped his mouth again.

"Nope," Levi shook his head. "Still there."

"Here?"

"No."

Eren grinned and moved his napkin even further from the spot.

"What about here?"

"Not even close, you walking cliché," Levi sighed. He picked up one of his own napkins and poked Eren with it in the face where the spot was. " _Here_."

Eren caught the napkin and wiped his face clean, smiling at Levi. Oh, there was that swarming bee feeling again. But the more he felt it, the more Levi was starting to like it. He was probably turning into some kind of masochist.

"So when you're finished with your frozen toothpaste, how about walking around the mall?" Eren suggested. Levi nodded in response—his mouth was full of ice cream ( _not_ toothpaste)—and he wasn’t about to start yammering with a mouth full of food and risk dribbling it all over himself. He was an adult. After Levi had finished the last few bites of his ice cream, thrown away the plastic cup and spoon, and washed his hands, they went off to explore the mall.

“So how was your rose-flavored thing?” Levi asked as they walked around, occasionally stopping to peek in the store windows. He didn’t particularly care, but he figured he ought to try to make some conversation. That was the best conversation starter he could think of after some internal debating.

“Weird. It tasted like Turkish delight, which was good, but the texture was all wrong. It was creamy instead of being…gel-y.”

“Uh huh,” Levi said because what Eren had just said made no sense to him and he didn’t know what else to say. Eren suddenly looked pained; either he had just had a horrible realization or was constipated.

“Wait, don’t tell me you’ve never had Turkish delight before?”

So it was a horrible realization then. Levi shook his head.

“Never even heard of it.”

Eren looked personally offended by this development.

“It’s candy, and it’s delicious. Next time I got to the Turkish market I am bringing you back a box. You’ll love it.”

“I didn’t know Trost had a Turkish market,” Levi remarked. Eren nodded. “How did you find that?”

“Because I’m Turkish,” Eren replied, looking amused. “My mom used to take me all the time.”

“Makes sense,” Levi said, feeling a little foolish. “Guess that explains the weird-ass spelling of your name.”

“Yeah, it’s Turkish.”

“I thought it might be because of that trendy crap where people fuck up the spelling of their kids’ names on purpose.”

“Nope! Turkish. It means ‘saint’.”

That was…kind of apt. Since Eren’s attractiveness reached god-like levels. His parents had chosen well.

“Interesting,” Levi said.

“What does Levi mean?”

“I don’t know. Probably nothing special.”

“Now I want to know.” Eren whipped out his cell phone and started typing. A rather bad choice, considering they were in a crowded mall on a Saturday afternoon. Almost immediately someone nearly ran into Eren, who didn’t seem to notice. Levi grabbed Eren’s elbow and dragged him (still typing away on his phone) aside where they weren’t a traffic danger.

“Don’t stop in the middle of the sidewalk! You’ll get trampled and I don’t want to have to peel your nasty corpse off the ground,” Levi couldn’t help but scold. Well, there went his resolution not to nag Eren too badly. But then again, Eren would have to get used to it if he was interested in Levi, so in a way this was kind of like exposure therapy.

“It means ‘attached’!” Eren declared triumphantly.

“Fascinating,” Levi said dryly. That was about what he had been expecting. Nothing special. Both of their names were appropriate. Eren suddenly looked up from his phone and went wide-eyed peering just past Levi.

“Whoa! This mall actually has a bookstore!" he exclaimed, throwing his arm out and pointing to the window Levi had pulled him toward. “Let’s go to the bookstore!”

Levi had no objection to books and followed Eren into the store. In their wanderings they ended up browsing the magazines. Eren wandered to the fitness section while Levi kept an eye out for any interesting home magazines. Occasionally Levi would look up and see Eren making interesting faces as he read. At one point he moved into the travel magazine section and his face lit up thumbing through the pages. This was nice, just being here reading together.

“I’m getting this one,” Eren announced and waved a magazine in Levi’s face. He made out a blue and white blur that was probably a beach on the cover before Eren tucked it under his arm. Levi was just about done looking at the magazines, too. He already had subscriptions to the good ones, so he was fine heading with Eren deeper into the bookstore. At one point, Eren turned to him and asked, “Wanna play a game?”

“What kind of game?”

Eren pointed to the Romance Section.

“We look through the books in the romance section and see who can find the one with the worst plot!”

"All right,” Levi answered and followed Eren into the Romance Section. Eren starting reading book jackets, but Levi simply reached out and picked up the book that happened to be in front of him. “50 Shades of Gray, I win.”

Eren gaped.

“That doesn’t count!”

“You lose.”

“That one’s too obvious!”

“You can’t change the rules after you lost!”

Eren furrowed his brow in determination. He was fun to tease. He got so cute when he was flustered.

“I bet I could still find a worse one.”

“Unlikely,” Levi countered. “My friend forced me to listen to the audio book so we could laugh at it. It’s pretty bad.”

“All right, rematch. A rematch where 50 Shades of Gray _and its sequels_ don’t count.”

“Fine.”

They searched for a while before Eren spoke up again.

“Okay, I’ve got one. Here’s the summary of ‘The Daring Debutante’,” he started to read, pausing often to hold back his laughter, “‘Robert Valiant, a handsome and sought-after Duke, loathes his stepsister Virginia and has no intentions of finding her a place in society, as is proper. He decides to take the fastest route to getting rid of her: gives her an obscenely large dowry that makes her the most sought after debutante in London. But his headstrong and plucky stepsister had no intentions of letting her stepbrother rule her life. She takes control over her own life and sneaks disguised into a private club no respecting man or woman should set foot into—a club she never would have suspected her damnably handsome stepbrother to frequent. In the shadows of the club, can either resist the temptation of this forbidden romance?’”

“ _Fuck_ , that’s awful,” Levi agreed.

“Top that!”

Levi cracked open the worst of the books he’d been looking over.

“’The Pirate’s Prize.’”

Eren made a choking sound.

“’A Viking to bed, not to wed! Freya, a fearless female pirate leads a band of all women pirates that scourge the sea for treasure. They have everything they could possibly need—save the means to breed. The strapping Vikings held prisoner in the hold ought to do nicely. A dozen godly creatures await her and her crew in the hold. Among them is Gunnar—quite possibly the most virile Viking to walk the earth. Will Freya find more treasure in the hold than she bargained for?’”

Eren—who’d been giggling hopelessly and trying to quiet his mirth while Levi was reading—dissolved into laughter the instant he was done reading. He had to cling to one of the bookshelves to hold himself up. Even Levi couldn’t handle that recitation with a straight face and soon found himself laughing softly.

“We can call that one a draw,” Eren conceded when he finally regained his breath.

“I’m fine with that,” Levi agreed.

The mutual decision was made to not play the bad romance game any longer for fear that they might damage their lungs from laughing too hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent a ridiculous amount of time in the romance section of the Barnes and Noble website looking up bizarre romance plots. The ones I used in this chapter are real. I rewrote them to change the names and wording to make them even sillier, but those were real books I found.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion of the second date.

With all the laughing Levi and Eren were doing over in the romance section, they were starting to attract some nasty stares from the other patrons of the bookstore. Even the security guard was side-eyeing them. If these people couldn’t handle someone pointing out that they had shit taste in erotica, T.S. They moved on from the romance books after that, but nothing much else in the store interested either Levi or Eren. After Eren bought his magazine they left the bookstore and headed out to explore the rest of the mall. There wasn’t too much that honestly interested them as they wandered. Just clothing and furniture stores.

“I think we’ve just about done the full tour of the mall,” Eren observed at one point.

“I think you’re right,” Levi agreed. The last stretch of the mall was just a huge sporting goods store with few tiny stores crammed next to it. Beyond those Levi could see the entrance to the parking lot. So here it was: the end of the date. Levi had been having a good time with him, even if Eren was messy and sometimes overly talkative. He almost didn’t want the date to end.

“Do you want to check out the sporting goods store with me? I need some stuff.”

That was a pleasant turn of events.

“Sure,” Levi answered. The window display of summer sports equipment got him thinking that he could actually use a trip to a sporting goods store himself. “I think I might need something there, too.”

“Really? What?” Eren asked as they walked in.

“I don’t know yet. Something for my nephew. His birthday’s coming up.”

“Cool. What sport does he play?”

“Baseball and hockey.”

“You could get him a new baseball glove?" Eren suggested. “Summer’s coming, I bet he’d get to play with it a lot on his school break.”

A new baseball glove was unoriginal as fuck, but not exactly a _bad_ idea. That would be Levi’s backup plan if he couldn’t think of anything better. Although asking Isabel was probably the best idea so that David wouldn’t end up with something he didn’t want. He sent his sister a quick text while Eren started browsing the running apparel. The response came quickly.

Isabel  
2:47  
He wants a new baseball glove  
A sharpie leaked on his old one and now he doesn’t like to use it bc of the stains :/

 

Levi couldn’t help but feel proud that he’d taught his nephew well on the importance of clean equipment. What a good boy. David would be getting as many new baseball gloves as he wanted.

“Okay, I’m gonna go try this stuff on,” Eren called out, voice was muffled by the enormous stack of running shorts piled in his arms. With that colossal pile of clothes to try on, Eren was going to be busy in the dressing rooms for a while. Levi decided now would probably be a good time to head for the kids’ section to find his nephew a glove.

He met up with Eren again in the checkout line. The stack of shorts in his arms was slightly smaller than before (he could actually see Eren’s face now), but he was still mysteriously buying a fuckton of shorts.

“Why do you need so many shorts?” Levi couldn’t help but ask.

Eren’s face went red.

“I need to replace all of my running shorts. I didn’t know you can’t put polyester in the dryer, so I ended up accidentally melting them at the laundromat,” he confessed. _Seriously?_

"Didn't you read the label?!"

"No," Eren said bluntly.

“Why the fuck not?!”

"My sister was doing all my laundry until she decided to move in with her fiancée so I didn’t even know there’s stuff that can’t go in the dryer.”

“Polyester can't go in the dryer because the man-made fibers don’t withstand high heat. You have to hang it up to dry.”

“I know that _now_ ," Eren sighed. “An old lady at the laundromat already yelled at me about it.”

Levi couldn’t have stopped his snickering if he’d tried. Which he didn’t. Because Eren being cowed by an elderly woman about laundry was a hysterical mental picture.

“It was the first load of laundry I ever did and no one will let me forget how bad I screwed it up!”

Jeez, he’d made it to twenty-four without ever once doing laundry? Levi hadn’t made it past ten. He’d been doing his own laundry for as long as Eren had been alive. Ugh, their age difference was a _terrible_ path of thinking to go down. Way to make himself feel like a creep. (A+ job, brain!)

Levi forced himself to stop thinking about that and tried to refocus on Eren, who was now frowning. Wait. Did it really bother him that badly that he was inept at laundry? It wasn’t that big of a deal.

“You know, _everyone_ fucks up a load of laundry at least once in their life,” he told Eren. He was shit at comforting people (especially about their mistakes) but at least he tried, even if it was awkward as hell. “Don’t beat yourself up too bad about it. You’re not alone.”

Eren frown softened a bit.

“Even you?”

“I said ‘everyone’, didn’t I?”

“How’d you wreck your laundry?”

“I forgot a pen in my pocket when I was eleven. It left ink stains on everything. Check your pockets before you put anything in the washer.”

“The old lady told me that, too.”

“Have you never lived on your own before?" Levi asked. He couldn’t think of any other way someone would be completely ignorant of basic life skills, like washing your clothes, other than just having left home.

"My sister and I moved out for college so we've been living on our own for years, but I've never lived completely by myself before. Until about three weeks ago."

That sounded familiar. Levi realized he vaguely remembered that the first time he’d failed to move his car on street-sweeping day Eren had spouted some bullshit about just having moved to the neighborhood. So it was actually true then, and not just a shitty excuse. Huh. Levi could hardly believe it had only been a few weeks since that day. It felt like so much had happened in that little span since meeting Eren.

“I can help whoever is next in line!” the cashier called out, interrupting their conversation. As they were leaving the store after making their purchases, Levi was relieved to see that Eren was all smiles again.

“I’ll be sure to wash these _right_ this time!” Eren announced, shaking his bag of shorts for emphasis.

“Read the label this time,” Levi advised him.

“I will!” Eren insisted, although Levi didn’t hear him say it. He was too entranced by the store they had just passed hidden next to the sports emporium.

It was his favorite chain of specialty candle and soap boutique.

“Eren,” Levi said. Once he was sure he had Eren’s attention, he pointed to the store that had caught his eye. “Let’s go there.”

“The soap store?”

“I need more soap,” Levi explained. The last time he’d checked, his supply of hand soap was starting to get dangerously low. He might as well, while they were here and while Eren voiced no objections to soap shopping. Besides, this store chain had the best quality soap. It was Levi’s favorite.

He almost sighed in relief once they’d entered the store and the pleasant smell of soap and alcohol from the hand sanitizers hit him. Paradise. A whole store devoted to cleanliness. Armed with a hand basket, Levi browsed the aisles looking for his favorite scents. Eren followed him, quietly sniffing the tester bottles. It didn’t take long for Levi to fill up his basket with a shitload of soaps, air fresheners, and hand sanitizers. _Just the way he liked it._

“That is a lot of soap,” Eren commented as they waited in line.

“Yeah, but it should last me through the month.”

Eren stared at his, mouth agape and bug-eyed.

“That was a joke,” Levi said. He was still just one man. There was only so much stink and dirt he could generate in his apartment. Now, if Hange was planning on coming over anytime soon, that would be a different story but this was plenty for a while. “This should last me two months.”

Eren laughed. After the emotional hiccup in the sporting goods store, Levi was glad to see Eren enjoying himself on their date again. It was a little unfortunate, however, to discover that Eren was the kind of guy who laughed like a braying donkey. He hadn’t really been able to hear his laughter earlier over the bad romance books because he’d been laughing pretty hard as well. But now he could fully hear how completely idiotic Eren sounded when laughing. His laugh was awful, that was true, but the clichéd fucker named Eren’s stupid beautiful eyes practically puked up sparkles of the joy he was obviously experiencing. ( _Fuck_ Hange’s animes, they were really screwing with his perception.) That sight alone made up for the grating sound in his ears. Levi knew he was ultra-fucked in the heart because those obnoxious sounds were almost endearing to him.

* * *

The soap boutique was the last store before the mall turned into a parking lot.

“Well, I guess that’s it! There’s no more mall,” Eren trailed off. He was right. This time, there were no more distractions to see, no more opportunities to find reasons to spend more time together. Once they’d left the soap store, the only natural thing to do next was to end the date.

“Yeah,” Levi agreed uselessly.

“I’m gonna have to come back here, that gelato place was really great.”

“Same here.”

Awkward silence descended on them as they faced the sea of cars parked in front of them. Neither made a move to leave.

“I had a lot of fun today!” Eren said loudly, suddenly breaking the silence. “Can I keep calling you? I’d really like to go out with you again.”

Levi had to admit he was a little shocked by Eren’s boldness. Shocked and _pleased_. He hated the frustration and mind fuckery of dancing around feelings. He much preferred it when people were upfront about this kind of shit.

“If I didn’t want you to contact me I’d have blocked your number a long time ago.”

But that didn’t mean he was about to start gushing about his feelings, either. Some mystery made life fun. Eren grinned at him.

“Then I will see you later, Levi.”

Eren made a soft little waving motion before starting to walk away from him. Levi headed off toward his car as well. What a great day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you couldn't tell, but I really struggled with this chapter. Any feedback would be really awesome. 
> 
>  
> 
> ~~This was originally just one bullet point on my outline and it turned into three chapters oh God.~~


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi goes to a birthday party.

Isabel  
2:47  
He wants a new baseball glove  
A sharpie leaked on his old one and now he doesn’t like to use it bc of the stains :/  
2:54  
Speaking of David’s birthday he wants to have a party this year  
I’m taking him and his friends bowling Friday after school you coming?  
2:55  
We can have dinner together too!  
And after David goes to bed you and I can have wine!  
2:56  
It’s been too long since we’ve seen each other bro :(  
Say yes

 

That was the series of text messages that greeted Levi when he checked his phone after his mall date with Eren. What a dilemma Isabel had laid out for him. See his nephew or stay free of fungal diseases?

 

4:11  
I’ll come but don’t expect me to put on those nasty shoes.

 

4:27  
:D

* * *

When Levi walked into the bowling alley, at first he thought Isabel had sent him the wrong address because it sure didn't look like any kids were having parties here. He didn't see any balloons or streamers or any other kind of kid crap. And he knew he couldn't be late because the party should have started at the end of David's school day almost two hours ago. The only indication that he was in the right place was a sudden shout of "LEVI!" followed quickly by “Uncle Levi?!”

In that span of a few seconds, Levi realized that two red blurs were rocketing at him from opposite directions. He just barely had enough time to brace himself for the inevitable crushing he was about to experience as his sister and nephew collided into him.

“You came!”

"We missed you, Levi!"

"I could tell," he said. Levi barely heard himself speaking over the sound of his back cracking in about eight different places as his family continued to enthusiastically squeeze him. He let them hug him for a few more moments before he pried them off.

“Happy birthday, David,” he said, handing over his gift box (now squashed after being mauled by two redheads).

“Thank you!” his nephew replied excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Are you gonna come bowl with us? Be on my team!”

Ugh. Levi just barely managed to repress a shudder. No amount of love for his nephew could get him to put those disgusting bowling alley shoes on. Stammering, Levi grasped for an acceptable excuse.

“Well…”

With a wink sent in Levi’s direction, Isabel interrupted her son. “But we were just about to cut the cake! Would you rather keep bowling or have cake?”

The boy’s eyes widened at the promise of sugar.

“Cake!”

“Then why don’t you go get your friends for cake?” Isabel suggested, gently shooing David away with a pat on his back. He ran off, still clutching his uncle’s gift, and Levi’s shoulders slumped with obvious relief. He was safe.

“Thank you,” he told Isabel.

“No problem, bro!”

“You brought an extra pair of socks for him to change into before he puts his regular shoes back on, right?”

“Of course I did,” Isabel answered with an exaggerated eye roll. “How could I forget about your vendetta against bowling shoes? And I’ll make sure to throw away the socks he’s wearing now before we leave.”

Levi gave a satisfied nod. “Good. You can never be too careful with fungi.”

“You know, bro, they put spray in the shoes so that’s not a problem.”

“You can never be too careful,” Levi repeated. Who knew what kind of shit job the greasy teens working at the bowling alley did?

“Fine!” Isabel huffed. “Then are you okay with sitting at the alley tables for cake, or are you afraid someone might have put their fungus-y feet up on it?”

Levi tugged on Isabel’s ponytail in retaliation for the jab before responding, "Lead the way."

She took him to one of the tables clustered behind the lanes where David and his friends were all eagerly waiting for the adults. _There_ was the birthday crap: a cake bearing the words “Happy Birthday” in obscenely bright-colored frosting, many abandoned soda cups, and a small pile of gifts.

The boys sped their way through the birthday song and devoured the slices of cake almost faster than Isabel could cut them. Once the cake was demolished and David had opened all of his presents, the boys rushed away again to keep playing while the adults watched from the table. Isabel leaned her face on her palm, smiling at the sight of David doing a victory dance over a strike.

“The bowling alley’s pretty great, isn’t it?” she sighed. Levi raised an eyebrow.

“Being surrounded by foot fungus vectors couldn’t be more fun.”

He winced when Isabel shoved him for his sarcasm.

“C’mon, Levi, don’t be such a sourpuss! Just a year ago I couldn’t have imagined being able to take David here. Or even have a party at all.”

The sweet aftertaste of cake on his tongue soured thinking about how true that was. This disgusting, potentially disease-ridden shack was a huge step up. For the both of them. That was depressing as hell to think about. Silence fell over the siblings, punctuated only by excited shouting from the ten-year-olds running around the place.

“Those kids are going to sleep like the dead tonight,” Levi commented. (That was a mistake. He’d tried to make the situation less awkward by talking, but thinking about dead people made him think in turn about Eren which was fucking disturbing. He needed another change of subject _now_.) “Those other kids’ parents should thank you for wearing their kids out.”

“I really took one for the team,” agreed Isabel. “Being the only adult at a kid’s party is _weird_. Weird and boring.”

Another victorious shout came from the lane where David and his friends were playing. Nodding toward the kids Levi commented, “I’m sure David appreciates it a lot. He sure looks happy.”

“Well, it’s a big birthday this year!” Isabel declared with a smile. “You don’t hit double digits every birthday.”

“All birthdays after ten are double digits so you do.”

Isabel jabbed a finger in his face and said, “You know what I meant! And you _can_ get to triple digits, ya know! Not _all_ birthdays after ten are double digits. So there!”

“I’m not so sure you’ve made it to the double digit birthdays yourself if you’re still saying ‘so there’ to me.”

Isabel stuck out her tongue.

“Five year old.”

“Old _fart!_ ”

Levi ruffled her hair; Isabel quickly smacked his hand away.

“I might’ve missed you, but I sure didn’t miss you messing up my hair, that’s for sure!” she insisted as she fixed her ponytail.

“Bullshit.”

“Watch your language around kids!”

“They’ll hear it eventually anyway.”

“That’s not the point!”

Levi was glad that he and his sister had been forced to stay close all these years. The siblings still saw each other at least once every few weeks. It was nice to have this time with his nephew and sister. They were still bickering playfully when the other parents started to show up to collect their offspring from the party.

Like he’d promised, he stayed over at Isabel’s apartment for dinner. David was worn out from a long day chock full of excitement and fell asleep while he and his uncle were breaking in the game of Battleship he’d gotten earlier that day.

“You get him to bed, I’ll get the wine ready!” Isabel whisper-ordered at him. David was dead asleep and didn’t even move while Levi changed him into his PJs and got him in bed. He itched to wake the boy up to brush his teeth, but forced himself to leave his nephew be. One night without brushing probably wouldn’t kill him.

When he left David’s room, Isabel had already dragged a few chairs onto her tiny balcony and uncorked a bottle of wine.

“You can sleep on my couch tonight,” she decided for him, pouring a generous amount of alcohol into the cups she’d set out. “For now, grown-up talk!”

He joined his sister outside and accepted the cup she offered him. “All right then. When are you planning on filing your taxes this year?”

Only his solid build saved him from tipping over when Isabel kicked his chair.

“I was thinking more like HBO and men, but if you wanna be boring, then fine. How’s work?”

That was a little unusual for Isabel to bring up. His eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Is there a man I have to go beat the shit out of?” Levi asked in perfect seriousness. It wouldn’t be the first time he did that for his sister or the last. The jackasses who’d thought it’d be funny to cut off one of her pigtails in middle school could testify to that (or they would, if he hadn’t already scared them shitless into silence).

“No. It’s probably nothing anyway,” Isabel muttered, running a finger around the edge of her cup of wine. “There’s this guy that keeps coming round the garage and he always asks me tons of questions about what we’ve done to his car. He probably just wants to make sure I didn’t screw up his baby.”

Levi didn’t like the sound of that.

“Tell me if he bothers you again. I’ll kick his ass.”

“Sure thing, bro!” Isabel laughed. “Ha, I know I don’t have to ask if there’s a boy I need to beat up for _you!_ ”

“Not yet,” Levi said. Eren hadn’t done anything to deserve it so far. But he wasn’t about to tell Isabel about meeting him just yet. She’d make an even bigger deal out of it than his dick friends and be far more let down when it fell to pieces. Better to avoid the subject altogether. “So what were you saying about HBO?”

Isabel brightened. “Oh yeah! There’s this new show, I think you’d really like it! It’s called…”

* * *

The headache Levi had the next morning was well worth it. Getting smashed with his friends was fun, but getting tipsy on cheap wine with Isabel had its own charms. They’d talked about just about everything and nothing before falling asleep out on the balcony under the few stars they could see from the city. Little sisters could be great sometimes.

Especially when they made excellent hangover breakfasts. One that lasted him all the way home. Later that evening when he’d recuperated from all the port, Levi charged up his cell phone and was pleased to see that Hange wasn’t the only person who’d messaged him since Thursday.

Eren  
9:34  
did ur nephew like his bday present?

Warmth bloomed in his chest at the simple words. They were proof that Eren was thinking about him. It was a good feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren will be back in the next chapter, don't worry. :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A terrible surprise can sometimes turn out to have great benefits.

One shitty Tuesday morning, Levi came to work and made a horrific discovery in the locker room. If he hadn’t already been running late that day, he would have immediately brought the wrath of hell down on the perpetrator (most definitely Hange) of this sick crime. As it was, Levi had to wait until his lunch break to speed to Hange’s lab so that he could flay them.

“What the _fuck_ , Hange?” Levi demanded as soon as he burst into their lab. They looked up from their lab bench with a look of ( _false!_ ) innocence plastered on their face.

“Levi! What brings you here today?”

“You know damn well why. I hope you’ve finalized your will, because the next time you duct tape something to my locker, I _will_ destroy all of your samples. Breaking into your lab is child’s play.”

“NOT THE SCIENCE LEVI!” Hange shrieked and clutched the contraption they were working on to their chest.

“Then don’t tape things to my locker. Today is the only free pass you’ll get. I have better shit to do than waste my time scrubbing the adhesive off.”

Unbelievably, Hange burst into laughter. Levi was sure his blood pressure was shooting up right now thanks to Hange’s brazenness. Who laughed in the face of death? (People who were fucking nuts, that’s who.) Through peals of laughter, Hange choked out, “Oh my _God_ , Levi you fucking NERD. You seriously _clean your locker?_ ”

“Just stop taping things to it,” he replied shortly.

“I really didn’t tape anything there though,” they insisted. Levi hoped the scathing look he sent them spoke volumes about how much he believed them. Hange set their hand on the paper in front of them.

“I swear on my lab notebook,” they solemnly said, “that I have not messed with your work locker. … This week.”

Okay, that was pretty serious if Hange was involving their lab notebook. That thing was sacred to them. Levi had seen Hange step in front of a moving car to snatch up the notebook when they’d dropped it in the street one time.

“If it wasn’t you, then who was it?” Levi sighed. They shrugged.

“No clue. What was taped there?”

The paper that Levi had found taped to his locker this morning was still in his pocket where he’d shoved it after ripping it angrily off the wall. He pulled it out and tried to smooth away the wrinkles.

“‘Trost Drive-in Theater Weeklong Horror Movie Fest’,” he read off the torn scrap of paper. “It’s a fucking ad? What the hell?”

“You have a weird-ass secret admirer, friend.”

* * *

The only conclusion that made sense about the ad that he could think of during his after-lunch shift, was that it was meant to go on someone else’s locker. So now Levi didn’t have a clue who to eviscerate while he cursed and scrubbed at the sticky shit the duct tape had left behind on his locker. Stupid tape. Stupid ad.

He didn’t even _like_ horror films!

Levi wondered if Eren did. Since he could work with actual corpses _and touch them_ on a daily basis, he must have a tolerance of creepy things. Maybe he’d forward the ad on to him in case he was interested. Better yet, Levi realized a few minutes later, he could invite Eren to go to the festival _with him_.

Brilliant. Plan.

A few texts to Eren later, Levi had a drive-in movie date scheduled with him for the next night.

That move deserved a pat on the back.

* * *

Eren had offered the use of his car during the film and Levi had agreed because then he wouldn’t have worry about cleaning popcorn crumbs out of his own car. Unfortunately, Levi hadn’t taken into account that depending on another person’s car also meant depending on them for being on time. Twenty minutes past their agreed-upon meet time, Levi figured it was pretty justified to call Eren and ask where the fuck was he.

“I’m really sorry about being late, Levi, I swear I’m almost there and— _I_ HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY, YOU FUCKER!”

Levi jerked the phone away from his ear. Eren’s screaming was accompanied by the angry sound of a car horn (likely his) being honked violently. So he was driving right now. With an apparent case of intense road rage.

“You better be on speakerphone since you’re driving a car.”

“I am, I am. It just really pisses me off when people drive like jackasses!”

“I can tell,” Levi commented. “So can my bleeding eardrums.”

“Sorry!”

Looking at his phone, the two were in very real danger of missing the film entirely. Levi had to ask, “How much longer do you think you’ll be?”

“Uh… Google maps says I’m down the street! I’ll call again when I get there!”

Then the line disconnected with a click. Levi was done wasting time and headed down to the street to wait for Eren. Only a few minutes later he spotted a very familiar rust bucket. The one that had sparked this whole thing being parked in his way at work. It was weird to see it from the front. Weirder still to actually be able to climb inside knowing he was going on a date with its driver, the hot guy who’d waited by the curb at the asscrack of dawn just to say thank you to a total stranger.

“Sorry I’m late,” Eren groaned as Levi settled into the passenger seat. “Mr. Pixis’ delivery of urns was really late today and he needed someone to help him stock the showroom.”

“It’s fine.” Levi looked at the dashboard clock. “I think we can still make it on time.”

It would be the last thing he said for a while. For the rest of the car ride, Levi was trying not to scream because Eren drove like a suicidal maniac trying to outrace the pigs. He cut people off, sped a good twenty miles per hour over the speed limit, and took sharp turns at the last minute as per Google maps’ instructions. At the end of the drive, Levi was surprised he hadn’t pulled the car door’s handle off he’d been clutching it so tightly.

He was definitely driving the next time he went out with Eren if he usually drove like _that_.

The tickets were paid for, the car parked, and snacks bought just in time for the movie to start. Levi didn’t really care about horror movies and ignored the brother and sister traipsing around the cemetery on the screen. The popcorn bucket wedged between their seats was more interesting than the hardly-threatening zombie stumbling pathetically after the siblings anyway.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Eren said as the brother character was bludgeoned to death against a tombstone. “I have a surprise for you!”

“A surprise you remembered watching someone get killed?” Levi asked. “I’m not sure I want it.”

Eren twisted in his seat and started pawing around the backseat, promising “You will!”

Levi certainly did appreciate the excellent view of tanned abs that were exposed as Eren stretched. He was disappointed when Eren straightened out and his shirt fell back down his waist. “I went to the Turkish market this morning! Tada!”

He brandished a tin in his hands with a flourish.

“Turkish delight!”

The lid of the tin was popped off, revealing different colored cubes sitting in the tin, all dusted with powdered sugar. Levi had to admit they looked pretty delicious. One by one, Eren pointed at the different colors and explained, “So these ones are rose, those are orange, pistachio, and date. Help yourself!”

He would. He would as soon as he thought of a way to pick up the candies without getting powdered sugar all over his hands.

“Do we have any napkins?” Levi asked. “Those things look messy to eat.”

“I didn’t get any napkins. But here!” Eren said and picked up one of the cubes, holding it up to Levi’s face. “Open up! It’ll be less messy this way.”

Even if Levi had been averse to being fed delectable treats by a modern-day Ganymede, thinking about how many germs Eren might have on his bare hands stopped him in his tracks. He didn’t yet know how good Eren’s hygiene habits were (or weren’t). Plus he’d handled the snack money. The filthy bills were probably covered in dirt and germs.

“Not unless you wash your hands,” Levi insisted. Eren put the Turkish delight he was holding in his own mouth. Disappointing, but a smart decision. Then he surprised Levi by reaching over for the glove compartment and fishing out a bottle. The smell of alcohol flooded the car as Eren smeared hand sanitizer all over his hands. He waved the clean hands in Levi’s face, then picked up another cube.

“Clean enough now?” Eren asked as he held it expectantly up to Levi’s mouth. His eyes locked onto Levi’s, shining brightly as he offered the candy. Levi couldn’t tear his gaze away. It was fucking pathetic how easily the warm look in Eren’s eyes turned his brain to mush. Still, he let his mouth fall open. He couldn’t look away as Eren moved his hand closer and he felt a gentle bump as the cube hit his tongue; then his lips were closing over the candy, accidentally brushing the other’s fingers. Eren grinned as he pulled away. ( _When the fuck did they get so close?_ )

That little bastard even had the gall to lick the extra powdered sugar clinging to his fingers ( _that had just touched Levi’s mouth_ ) before asking, “Well, what do you think?”

Sinful thoughts. Mostly about all the wonderful, nasty things those fingers could be doing to _and_ in him. Levi pulled back and tried to shake those thoughts away by actually tasting the treat in his mouth. He concentrated on chewing the Turkish delight. Its texture was nice and firm, smooth, with a fresh, sweet taste to it.

“Not bad,” he concluded.

“I’m glad you like it!” Eren said with an innocent smile. That little shit. Eren settled back into his seat and somehow managed to balance the tin of candy between them alongside the popcorn. “Lemme know if you want any more.”

They settled in to watch the movie as they worked their way through the snacks. It was a little hard to enjoy them as zombies were being graphically stabbed in the head with a tire iron on the screen, (gaping head holes were fucking gross) but Levi still let Eren feed him a few more candies. He _could_ have just as easily headed for the snack bar to get some napkins but, well. He wasn’t going to deny it was kind of fun to let the other handle it.

“Do you want anymore?” Eren asked when the tin was nearly empty. “I feel like I ate most of them.”

“It’s fine,” Levi insisted. “Don’t you want to keep some for yourself?”

“You don’t have to worry about me,” Eren chuckled. “I bought a whole crate at the Turkish market this morning. This is one of my favorite foods, I made sure to get plenty. What about you? What’s your favorite food, Levi?”

“Hmm. I mostly live on frozen dinners and fast food,” Levi admitted. With the way his life had turned out, there just hadn’t been time to pick up any cooking skills beyond reheating things and boiling water. He basically ate anything that wasn’t poisonous or impossible to get down. “It’s hard to decide which is the least shitty.”

Eren sighed, “I can’t cook at all, either. I wish I could.”

“Take a class.”

“I don’t want to go by myself!”

“Go with a friend.”

“My friends all know how to cook already.”

“Let me guess. You got by not being able to cook because the people around you could?”

Eren winced. “Yeah. I really need to work on that. I don’t want to depend on them forever.”

The two fell silent again (as silent as one could get watching a car explode and set several zombies aflame). Eren broke that silence down, asking, “Would you come with me? If I went to a cooking class.”

He didn’t even need a minute to decide. “Sure. I could use it. Let me know when you find a class.”

Eren grinned hugely. “I will!”

Levi looked forward to it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi should really start thinking about buying some lotto tickets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for 200+ Kudos and 2200+ hits! I'm glad you're all enjoying this. My tumblr is unoriginaltitle if anyone ever wants to chat.

Levi had to hand it to Eren. When he wanted something, he worked _hard_ for it. Not even one day had passed after the drive-in movie before Eren was emailing Levi a long list of the shitload of cooking classes he’d found in Trost, organized by location, date, and food type. It was kind of creepy in its obsessiveness. But a little impressive, too. Levi almost felt bad for picking a class off the list at random, but the bottom line was he just didn’t give a fuck which one they took. The important thing was getting another chance to spend time with Eren.

That chance came up sooner than he expected. Because Levi lucked out and the class he’d picked at random was not even a week later. Maybe he’d buy a lottery ticket, he’d been lucky as hell lately.

 _Very_ lucky indeed, he thought watching Eren park his magnificent ass in his passenger seat. With the aid of Google Maps, he directed Levi to the place where the class would be held. Before he knew it, Levi was standing in a circle with all the other incompetent adults who couldn’t cook with a name tag pinned to his shirt.

At their teacher’s suggestion, everyone introduced themselves which seemed absolutely pointless to Levi since they were all wearing name tags anyway. He didn’t pay any attention to the others’ introductions and gave the bare minimum when it was his turn. He didn’t care about the touchy-feely crap. He just wanted to cook with Eren.

“Okay then, now that we’ve all been introduced, let’s get cooking! We’re starting off with a nice easy, meal today,” the teacher assured them. “We’ll be making spaghetti with meat sauce, garlic bread, and a nice salad! So pair up, grab an apron, and find a stove to work on!”

Eren stayed close by Levi’s side, warding off any of the other class members who might try to pair up with them. Each pair had to share a stove, but got their own pile of ingredients, pots, and aprons. Levi carefully picked up the cleanest looking one before tying it on.

“You’re gonna wear that?” Eren asked in surprise. “Isn’t it kind of grimy?”

“Germs are easier to wash out of clothes than stains. Especially tomato sauce stains,” Levi said, repressing a shudder. Many years spent taking care of a young child and scrubbing all sorts of weird stains created by said child had taught him that well. Eren seemed convinced and donned an apron as well before they found a stove to share.

The instructions for the meal started off simply enough. Start the water boiling and preheat the oven. Those were things that Levi could do. Now cutting up the garlic, that was a little tricky. Levi turned the bulb over in his hands.

“How the fuck are we supposed to chop this thing up?”

“Don’t ask me, I haven’t even turned on the stove yet,” Eren replied. He was fiddling with the burner knobs, a look of utter confusion on his face.

“You have to push the dial in and hold it there until the flame lights,” Levi explained. He grabbed Eren’s hand and pressed it so that Eren was holding the dial down in the proper way to ignite the flame. A few clicks sounded before the flame burst into being.

“Fuck yeah! I did it!” Eren cheered. He pumped his fist in the air, accidentally taking Levi’s hand with him.

“We’ll all proud of you,” he replied as pulled his hand back. Now that that was taken care of, he turned his attention back to the garlic that was still confounding him. Did you just chop it in half or something?

“I think we’re supposed to peel it first,” Eren said.

“Yeah?”

“That’s what everyone else is doing.”

Levi tried peeling off the garlic skin the way the other groups were. It was flaky and kept ripping apart in his fingers. Chunks of garlic were getting caught under his nails, too, as he tried to scrape away the skin. _Gross_.

“This is _hard_ ,” Eren whined. It really was. Once the skin was (mostly) off, the garlic turned out to have several tiny sections in it, like some demented stinking orange. Garlic was fucking weird.

“I guess this is the part we cut up,” Eren said. The two struggled with the tiny pieces, trying to cut them up without slicing their fingers off. The chunks of garlic they added to their bowls of melted butter for the bread were horribly uneven, but they’d probably still taste all right.

Levi really hoped.

Slicing up their loaves of bread and spreading the melted butter on them went a little easier, as did getting the ground beef seasoned and in the pan. Spying on the other groups really helped the two of them figure out what they were supposed to be doing. It also helped that the rest of the steps after cutting up the garlic were pretty easy. Although it took forty-five minutes of struggle, Levi and Eren both ended up with a pot of cooked spaghetti with sauce, the garlic bread, and a salad.

“Now that everyone is done, we can start eating!” the teacher said brightly. “You can take your food home if you want, or you can eat it here, either way is fine!”

“Let’s take this home,” Levi suggested to Eren immediately. He knew his table at home was clean. Plus he didn’t have to deal with annoying strangers there.

“Sure,” Eren agreed, a little hesitantly. They loaded up the Tupperware they’d brought with them with the food they had cooked before heading back to Levi’s car.

“So, my place or yours?” Levi asked once they’d started driving.

“What?” Eren choked out. The Tupperware in his hands went tumbling to the car floor, along with his jaw. Oops. Levi really could have phrased that better. He didn’t mean to sound like he was propositioning Eren (not that he was opposed to that). Oh well.

“You do want to eat this—” he gestured to the containers of spaghetti “—together, don’t you?”

From the corner of his eye, Levi could see the tenseness in Eren’s shoulders give way.

“Yeah, that sounds great!” Eren said. “I just cleaned up at my place, so we can head there if you want.”

Oh, that got him good. Even though Eren hadn’t cleaned up for him, it was still pretty great that he had picked up on the obvious fact that Levi liked it when things were clean and made efforts to choose places he thought could satisfy Levi’s need for cleanliness. He was more than happy to head over to Eren’s apartment with him.

* * *

Levi expected to be disappointed by the state of Eren’s apartment. People rarely had the same standards as him for what counted as clean. Those expectations were absolutely met, but Eren’s studio apartment was close to good enough. Almost everything was put away and no spectacular messes were visible. Just a quick swipe of the table with disinfecting wipes and a little last-minute dish washing and it would be fine. Eren cleaned the table while Levi took care of the dishes. He was almost done serving the food when he heard Eren rummaging loudly through his drawers.

“Food’s ready,” Levi informed him.

“Hang on just a minute, I’m trying to see if I have any candles!”

“Why?”

“’Cuz candles are romantic!” Eren answered. “It sounds fun, having a candlelit romantic dinner.”

Not being able to see your date in dim light didn’t seem all that romantic to Levi, but Eren looked into it so all he said was, “Do what you want.”

A few minutes of rummaging later, Eren came back.

“I don’t have any candles, but I found this flashlight! Maybe it’ll be the same?”

Before Levi could tell him that that was probably a shit idea, Eren propped it up on the table. The lights were turned off and Eren and Levi sat down to their dinner. Just like Levi could have predicted, the light cast weird, ringed shadows on the both of them that were creepy as hell and not romantic in the slightest.

“It just feels like camp now,” Levi commented.

“Yeah,” Eren agreed. The decision to turn the lights back on and have a normal dinner without the stupid flashlight didn’t need to be voiced. Conversation stalled as they finally started eating their pasta. The undercooked noodles crunched a little but the sauce kind of covered it up. The salad turned out well (then again, it was hard to fuck up chopped lettuce). The garlic bread, on the other hand.

“The garlic is kinda heavy-handed, isn’t it?” Eren sighed. Since Levi had just bit into a huge chunk of it, he had to agree.

“It could be worse,” he responded.

“I’m sure next time we try this recipe it’ll turn out better.”

They kept eating fairly quietly after that. Levi was too hungry from the effort it took to even make the food to attempt any kind of small talk. Eren must have felt the same because he didn’t hear a peep from him until Levi heard it.

“Aww, shit!”

The tell-tale sound of someone spilling something they shouldn’t have. After those words, Levi wasn’t surprised to see Eren staring down at his shirt forlornly, where there was now a magnificent spaghetti sauce stain. It was like the ice cream incident at the mall all over again. In an instant, Levi had dragged Eren to the kitchen sink. He wrested the hem of Eren’s shirt away from him and shoved it under the faucet.

“Keep washing with cold water, from the back of the fabric, and it might not stain,” he instructed Eren, who took over holding his shirt under the water. “Where’s your detergent?”

“I usually just buy enough for one load at the laundromat.”

“Hand me the dish soap, then.”

Eren handed it over. Once the water had forced most of the stain out, Levi gently rubbed the shirt with soap. The motion bumped his shoulder against Eren’s, leaving a warm imprint on his arm that cooled painfully when they separated. It wasn’t at all like during the class when their hands had touched. Levi had barely registered that touch. This one twisted Levi’s gut sharply with the want to press their shoulders back together and steal that warmth back a million times over. Shit, he had it bad if he was getting this excited over fleeting touches like some preteen discovering how to work his dick. Levi tried to clear his throat.

“It’d be better if you could wash this in detergent right away, but since you don’t even have basic cleaning supplies here, this is the best I can do,” he said, trying to focus on the stain and not how embarrassed he felt.

“Okay,” Eren said in a dazed-sounding voice. “I’m… I’m gonna go change my shirt.”

By the time Eren had reappeared in a clean shirt, Levi had packed away the leftovers and was working on washing the dishes.

“You want me to dry?” Eren asked.

“Knock yourself out,” Levi shrugged. Eren joined him with a dish towel. Working together they took care of the dishes pretty quickly. Before he knew it, the two were awkwardly standing in front of the sink.

“Well, it’s getting late. I should go,” Levi said.

“Let me walk you out!” Eren replied. It was a studio apartment so it wasn’t like Levi was about to get lost walking twenty fucking feet to the door, but he let Eren do it anyway. Once they reached the door, Eren held out a hand in an obvious “stop” motion. Levi waited for him to spit out whatever he was clearly thinking about saying.

“Goodnight kiss?”

Levi felt something in his chest seize at the thought. After how great just bumping shoulders made him feel, he was more than okay with a kiss. Eren was staring earnestly at him, so Levi gave his answer by stepping forward, getting closer to Eren than he’d ever been before, and said, “Fine with me.”

Eren lifted his hands and let his fingers trail against Levi’s jaw before cupping his face in his hands. He had a look of sheer awe on his face as Levi let Eren touch him. Levi cursed the other’s dopey grin that was making his own face start to go hot.

“Just do it already.”

“So pushy,” Eren muttered. Still, he leaned closer to Levi and then their lips were touching. It wasn’t just his face that was feeling hot anymore. Levi’s whole damn body decided to turn into a furnace on the spot and burn hot with embarrassment and pleasure from the touches on his face, his mouth, on the crook of his arm that he couldn’t tell you when he’d slung around Eren’s neck. When Eren started to pull away, Levi pulled him right back again.

The more he touched Eren, the more the burning hot feeling settled into a comfortable warmness. Things came into focus as the overwhelming heat faded away, but he could only take it in in pieces. The feeling of Eren’s lips pressing hard against his. The sharp lines and planes of Eren’s shoulders under his arm, of his solid chest pressed against Levi’s body. The sound of their breath running ragged when their mouths parted, and then the ache of body warmth leaving him when they pulled away for real.

“Whoa, holy shit,” Eren said stupidly when he caught his breath. Levi didn’t have much room to judge, though. He was pretty dumbstruck by that kiss, too. If just a kiss was this intense…

“Can you imagine what it’ll be like when we fuck?” Levi wondered out loud. Eren made a pained sound.

“If I didn’t have work early tomorrow I would definitely invite you to stay and figure that out,” he said, looking pained by the fact that he couldn’t.

“There’s always next time,” Levi pointed out. Even as he said it, he wished that he was saying “fuck work” instead because he really fucking wanted to. But it seemed that this wasn’t in the cards tonight because work sucked ass and insisted on being done. Instead, the two said goodnight to each other with decidedly less tongue than before and parted ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing that kiss scene took me hours. At this rate writing the smut scene (I'm leaning heavily toward adding it in) will take me weeks.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's patience is tried by many things.

Levi sat back with a loud groan. His knees screamed in relief as they came off the tiles he’d just finished installing in this kitchen. Okay, maybe he _should_ have worn those dorky knee pads for this. Anything to prevent feeling like his joints had lit a Molotov cocktail in protest to the rest of his body. Feeling old and pathetic, Levi rubbed his knee caps gently to try to relieve some of the ache. Without thinking, he groaned again softly, the only other sound in the room besides the incessant tapping of rain on the windows.

And then, the silence was shattered by the sound of running footsteps. Levi tried to repress a shudder because he _knew_ who those excited footsteps belonged to. He didn’t even have to look up at the other doorway to the kitchen to know that Hange was speeding straight for his hard work.

“Don’t you fucking _dare_ step on those tiles, Hange,” he hissed. “I just glued them down!”

“Fine!” they said and spun around. Levi heard their excited footsteps running around the kitchen and back toward him. When Hange reappeared behind him, they were waggling their eyebrows like crazy."I just came to see what all that groaning was about, it sounds like a porno set in here! Is this why you're taking forever with the floor?"

“Fuck off!” Levi snapped as he threw a spacer at them. He was absurdly pleased when it hit Hange right between the eyes. Score. He swept an arm across his handiwork, all perfectly spaced and straight tile as he told them, "It takes time to get this right, you gross pervert, or do you want a shitty tile job?”

Hange just shrugged and said, "I don’t care. It’s not my house.”

“I’m not sure you’ve got this ‘charity’ thing down.”

"The house is still getting done, isn't it?" Hange said. In the best interests of his sanity, Levi decided to just ignore that.

“Shouldn’t you be helping Nanaba with the carpet?” he asked instead.

“We’re done! Everyone’s done. The flooring is all done. You’re the only one not done.”

"I'm done now."

Petra burst into the hallway with an excited look on her face and cried out, "Levi's done?”

A chorus of cheers and a “finally!” sounded from the next room over. Ungrateful bastards. Was it a crime to make sure the tile was actually parallel to the cabinets? Just because they were building this house for charity didn’t mean the quality had to be shit.

“Now we can take a lunch break!" Petra continued.

"Yes!” Hange shouted gleefully. Levi got up slowly (his knees were still _killing_ him he was going to wear knee pads for everything now this fucking sucked) so that he could follow Petra and Hange. Everyone else was lounging on the newly-laid carpet in the living room. They perked up when they saw Levi.

“Hey Oluo,” Petra yelled down one of the hallways. “Levi’s done with the kitchen, you can stop pretending to take as long as he does with the bathroom tile now!”

“I’m not pretending!” he protested as he joined them. “Good tile work takes time if you don’t want it to look like shi—OW!”

“So who’s going to brave the storm to get lunch?” Eld asked since Petra was busy making sure Oluo hadn’t cut himself too badly. “And some ice for Oluo’s tongue?”

“I’ll go,” Levi said. He didn’t like the idea of not knowing where his food came from and who prepared it.

Erwin stood up, adding, “I’ll come too!”

“You’re driving,” Levi informed him on their way out of the house. He hated driving in the rain, and the huge summer storm that had blown in the other week gave him no choice but to head out on the messy wet roads. Now he could force someone else to drive him for once. There was also the bonus of the heated seats in Erwin’s stupidly expensive car. Nothing beat heaters warming your ass when Mother Nature was fucking everything up outside.

“So, Levi. How have you been?”

Scratch that, he should have come alone and missed the feels fest Erwin was trying to throw in the car. _Of fucking course_ only once they were far away enough from the house that Levi couldn’t walk back (without getting soaked and muddy).

“Bored as shit,” he answered shortly, hoping that Erwin would leave it at that.

“We’ll be able to go back to work soon, the weather report said this cold front is on its way out. Once the streets dry up a little, street sweeping can go back on schedule.”

Erwin shot him a smile at that. Levi responded with a deadpan, “All of my dreams are coming true.”

“Getting a little unplanned vacation hasn’t been all bad, I’m sure you’ve done some interesting things with your time off.”

“Nope.”

It was true. Eren had been too busy at work to do anything but send a few texts, and so had Isabel. The heavy rain kept him from going anywhere interesting or even being able to work out outside of his home. The honest truth was that Levi had spent all the days he couldn’t work cooped up in his apartment, mostly watching TV. The last interesting thing he’d done had been the cooking class with Eren, not that he was about to feed the rumor mill by telling Erwin _that_.

“Really?”

Levi was surprised to see Erwin frowning at him, face tinged red from the traffic light they were stopped at. What the fuck was up with that? Did he expect something different? Why would he expect something different?

Even after the light turned green and Erwin had to focus on the road again, Levi still felt suspicious vibes coming from him. He wasn’t sure if Erwin was asking just to be a nosy asshole, or if he was asking because he knew something. Levi’s eyes narrowed as he asked, “What are you trying to say?”

The other man sighed.

“I only meant that Trost is a big city, full of lots of interesting things to do and _see_. So surely you’ve done something fun lately.”

That was an odd thing to say. Erwin could really be a cryptic weirdo sometimes. Coupled with the expectant look on Erwin’s face, it was obvious he was fishing for answers about Levi’s social life. It didn’t take a lot of brainpower to realize that he was taking some ridiculous roundabout route to asking whether or not Levi had gone on another date. He hadn’t told any of his friends about the other dates he’d gone on with Eren because Levi hated the grilling that always accompanied telling friends about relationships.

Except. Well. The last time they’d grilled him, Erwin had actually given him pretty good dating advice. If he hadn’t pestered Levi about texting Eren after their coffee date, maybe things wouldn’t have ended up the way they had, pressed up against Eren’s front door swapping spit.

His thoughts were interrupted by the jolt of the car stopping as Erwin parked in front of the sandwich place they liked. Levi glanced at him and instantly regretted it. The man had a creepy-ass triumphant grin on his face. In a disgustingly sugary voice, Erwin said, “You’re being _awfully_ quiet, Levi. Is there something you don’t want to tell me?”

“Jesus H. Christ! I’ll tell you if you _stop making that face at me!_ ”

Erwin rearranged his face into an obviously forced frown. Well, a constipated-looking face was slightly less horrifying than his psychotic grinning. He would have to take it.

“I took a cooking class with him,” Levi admitted. Erwin brightened.

“The mortician?”

“Yes. Him.”

“How did it go?”

 _Only_ because it was thanks to Erwin that his relationship with Eren had even progressed as far as it did (and he kind of still owed him for that attempted mugging five years ago), Levi told him, “Fine,” before getting out of the car. Erwin laughed and they walked into the sandwich shop together.

“I’m not going to get any more than that out of you, am I?” he asked.

“Damn right you’re not.”

* * *

The day Levi woke up to the sound of birds screaming their lungs out instead of rain, he almost cried in relief. Finally, the crushing boredom of being holed up in his apartment with fuck all to do for days on end was over (until winter came anyway). He never thought he’d miss work and sunshine so much.

When he finally got to go back to work, he was practically singing the whole day. Levi’s good mood only kept rising when Eren sent him a gleeful text about how pleased he was that it _wasn’t raining_ followed by an invitation to go hiking up into the mountains since the post-storm view was supposed to be spectacular.

So maybe the rain had a few benefits.

* * *

The day of the hike the weather was still great. There was some lingering humidity from the puddles the storm left over, but it wasn’t too bad. It helped that Eren had come to pick Levi up early in the morning before it had a chance to get too hot.

“Hi Levi!” he called out cheerfully, beaming as Levi slid into the passenger seat. And oh, that smile made him feel all disgustingly fuzzy inside.

“Hey,” he answered.

“You’re sure you brought enough water and sunscreen?” Eren asked as Levi buckled his seatbelt.

“Yup,” he answered, gesturing the backpack in his lap.

“Good!” Eren said before tearing off. Because of Eren’s road rage, Levi hadn’t wanted him to drive them out to the hills, but since it was still muddy out right now he also hadn’t wanted to get his car dirty. It was one of those choices where he’d get fucked either way: he could risk death, or he could have a car that would be covered in mud and have _more_ mud and God knows what else tracked inside all over the carpet.

He’d let Eren drive. Luckily, once they left the city and most of its drivers behind, Eren’s driving calmed down enough for Levi to stop bargaining with the universe for his life and start breathing again.

It was a bit of a drive until they reached the hills, but Eren entertained Levi with his enthusiastic singing. He tried to convince Levi to sing along with him to the radio, but it didn’t happen. Singing in front of other people made Levi’s skin crawl. (Also he didn’t know the words.)

Eren finally pulled to a stop in a small, sorry patch of mud that served as the parking lot to the trail.

“We’re here!” he announced pointlessly.

“I never would have guessed,” Levi muttered. Eren shook his head like he was disappointed, but the smile on his face gave him away. They exited the car—Levi shuddered when his tennis shoes squelched in the mud—and started getting ready for the hike ahead of them. Levi was wearing long sleeves so it didn’t take long for him to get enough sunscreen on his exposed face and neck. Eren, on the other hand, was wearing shorts and the sort of douchey tank top that exposed enough skin that needed several minutes to slather on enough sunscreen. Levi leaned against Eren’s car while he waited for him.

“Levi, could you help me out here? I can’t reach my back.”

"Fine," Levi tried to say, but his voice trailed off at the sight of Eren’s toned, glorious back in his face. It was a crying shame so much of it was covered by fabric, but Levi was still enjoying the view. He took the bottle of sunscreen and squeezed it straight onto Eren’s back, who screeched and leapt in the air.

“Cold!”

“Hold still, you baby,” Levi said before reaching out toward the other man’s back. His fingers shook embarrassingly as they reached out for the glob of sunscreen starting to drip down Eren’s skin. Even though the sunscreen itself was cold, Levi could feel the tips of his fingers grown warm as they made contact with skin. He flattened his hand against Eren’s back, taking a shaky breath as he felt firm muscles pressed against his fingers. His chest tightened. It was hard to focus on breathing when the soft feeling of his palm dragging slowly in circles against warm sticky flesh made his stomach curl in delight.

Levi nearly groaned in disappointment when his hand caught against Eren’s skin instead of sliding, the sunscreen having all been rubbed in.

“You’re good,” he choked out. Eren turned around, red-faced and refusing to meet Levi’s eyes.

“Thanks.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck, the last time they’d been this close to each other they’d literally been talking about how much they wanted to bang each other. Damn bastard, getting him this worked up before they were supposed to spend hours alone together in the woods.

“Uh, well, let’s go!” Eren said. He pointed the way to the trail and Levi followed.

This hike was going to be a lot more trying than he’d thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually have no idea what street sweepers do on rainy days. My research turned up a lot of city street sweeping schedules and that's it. I read online that when the whether is really bad, street sweeping doesn't occur and I can only guess that they just don't work those days. Anybody who is a street sweeper or knows what they do on rainy days should definitely let me know.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hike begins.

The rain may have left the hiking trails a gooey mess, but it had done wonders for the scenery. Within minutes of starting the trail, Levi had almost forgotten about how erotic the impromptu back rub had been. All the birds were singing, flowers were in bloom; it was like they were walking through a damn Disney movie scene. He had to admit, it was kind of cool.

Constantly having to stop to wrench his feet out of the mud threatening to suck him in, now that was shitty.

“Sorry,” Eren mumbled sheepishly after the third time they had to fight the mud in the last half hour. It was the first thing either of them had said since the awkward, unintended lewdness in the parking lot. “I thought the ground would have dried up a lot more by now. It’s been a few days since it stopped raining.”

“I’ve been meaning to replace these shoes, it’s fine,” Levi shrugged. It was a good thing he’d worn his oldest pair for this hike. Because now that they were soaked in mud, those things sure as hell weren’t going back in his apartment ever again.

“We can try this trail another day if you want,” Eren suggested. A huge part of Levi wanted to scream “yes” and get out of floundering in the filthy mud. The other part remembered how excited Eren had sounded to show him the sight of the hills after the air cleared up. That was the part that made him hesitate. Ugh. He was definitely going soft, because the next thing he did was start walking again, trudging further down the trail.

When Eren didn’t immediately follow, he called over his shoulder, “Isn’t the view supposed to be best today? Let’s just keep going.”

“Okay!”

The pleased look on Eren’s face when he caught up with Levi made him even more determined to deal with the mud. They ended up finding some long branches that made good walking sticks. That made fighting through the mud a lot easier and they could pay more attention to the scenery, not to mention each other.

Now that the awkward atmosphere had kicked the bucket, Eren got back to his normal chatty self. Apparently, he spent a shit-ton of time in these hills because he kept a running commentary of all the interesting things in the woods as they spent their morning hiking up it. Eren knew all the plants’ names, which ones would give you a horrifying full-body rash, which ones were the antidotes to the rash-y ones. Levi had to admit he was impressed, especially since all the green things looked about the same to him.

That was the reason he almost ended up walking straight through a patch of poisonous something-or-others.

“ _Don’t walk through that!_ ” Eren shouted. It was Levi’s only warning before he choked on the neckline of his shirt as Eren pulled on it to get him away from whatever the fuck he was so damn objected to. Levi stumbled backwards; the goddamn mud squished under his shoe and his foot slipped out from under him. With a loud shout of “FUCK!” he was going down. (And _now_ that stupid song was gonna be stuck in his head.)

He was pleasantly surprised when he _didn’t_ splat in the mud. He cracked his eyes open to see Eren’s arms clasped around his chest. It took a few more seconds for Levi to realize the reason he hadn’t fallen was that Eren had caught him under the arms like some anime protagonist (but he didn’t remember Hange’s animes having this much groping). He looked up and there went the fluttering, bee feeling in his chest again as met Eren’s concerned, tender gaze.

“Shit, you’re heavy!” Eren groaned loudly.

Bee-chest-feeling gone.

"That's the worst thing anyone has ever said to me on a date," Levi said flatly as he laid in Eren’s grasp. Eren’s eyes blew open comically.

"Oh crap! I’m sorry! I didn't mean it like that! You’re not fat. But I would still like you if you were!”

“You can let go of my nipples now.”

Eren flushed bright red as he finally realized that he’d grabbed two handfuls of man boob when he’d caught Levi. He shifted his grip off Levi’s pecs and helped him get back to his feet. The guilty, kicked-puppy look on Eren’s face when they straightened up was priceless. Even if Levi had really been mad at him for calling him heavy, he couldn’t have stayed that way for long.

“So how close are we to the top of this damn hill?” he asked.

“It should be just a few more minutes,” Eren promised him.

By the time they reached the top of the hill, Eren seemed to have forgotten all about the heavy thing. Which was good. Levi enjoyed watching people squirm, but Eren looking frustrated with himself was a sight he preferred not to see. His smile was much nicer to look at. And Levi got a great view of it as Eren looked over the valley where the city was lying.

“I’m glad we came, this view is _awesome_.”

Levi couldn’t agree more. The rain had pushed down all the dirt and pollution that normally left the sky vaguely shit-colored. He could even see all the way to Sina’s skyscrapers. The green hills and the towns and houses nestled in them weren’t anything to sneeze at either. It really was a great view. It was worth the mud. And that wasn’t something Levi said every day. (Or any day.)

Once Levi took a break from appreciating the amazing view from the hilltop, he realized that they were standing adjacent to a small campsite of sorts. There were a few rickety tables, some occupied, and trashcans set out for the hikers.

Eren must have noticed him looking toward the campsite, because he nudged Levi’s shoulder with his, asking, “You wanna stop for lunch now? We can eat at a real table.”

Levi was down with that. Until he got closer and saw just how much bird shit and dust was stuck to its surface.

“Don’t worry, I brought a blanket,” Eren informed him. “So we don’t have to sit on that.”

What a good boy.

“I’ve trained you well,” he commented. Eren grinned, then shrugged off his backpack and started digging around until he found his blanket. Levi took the other end to help carefully drape it over the table and seats, the clean surface of the blanket much better than the disgusting table. Once it was down Eren threw himself on onto the bench with a loud, appreciative groan. Levi sat next to him a little more calmly.

Okay, that was nice. The blanket was really soft and smelled like it had just come out of the dyer. Bliss. Levi enjoyed simply relaxing next to Eren for a few moments, winding down from the long hike. The other man eventually straightened up and grabbed his backpack. As he searched for something in there, he announced, “I brought you something really special today!”

“It is more Turkish Delight?” Levi asked with cautious optimism.

“Nope. Even better!” Eren finally found was he was looking for. He lifted out a zippered, cloth bag shaped like a cat.

“The fuck is that?”

“I had to borrow a lunchbox from my sister,” Eren admitted. He unzipped the bag and took out two paper-covered rolls that were probably sandwiches, if Levi had to guess. “I wanted to make sure these stayed refrigerated.”

One of the packages was handed to Levi. The paper was held together by a colorful sticker that read “Sasha’s Deli” in bold script. He carefully unwrapped the package. The sandwich inside didn’t really look like anything unusual, but Levi wasn’t one to complain about free food (if it looked clean. This did.). He took a bite.

“ _Holy shit_ ,” he wheezed through a mouth full of food. As soon as he swallowed he took another huge bite.

“Good, right?” Eren answered.

Good? It was the best fucking thing he’d ever tasted in his _life_.

“What is in this?” He had to know. Was it drugs? Was that why he couldn’t stop stuffing it down his throat?

“My friend Sasha owns a deli. She butchers and cures all her meat herself, so it’s really fresh.”

Levi swallowed another bite. In the brief pause he needed to breathe before more food, he added, “I can tell.”

Conversation died while they attacked the heavenly sandwiches in their hands. Levi was going to have to remember to ask Eren where his friend’s deli was, because he needed to buy more of her meat. Lots more. Far too soon, the sandwiches were gone. Levi could have cried.

“Sasha’s deli kept me fed after Mikasa moved out,” Eren sighed happily as he leaned back on the blanket-covered table. Levi could suddenly forgive Eren’s prior unwillingness to learn to cook if he was regularly getting meals like _that_ from his friends.

“Lucky bastard.”

“Glad you liked them,” he said with a smile before turning back to look at the valley again. Eren took out his cell phone and started snapping some pictures. The sights they could see from the hilltop were pretty great, so Levi followed suit. He almost dropped his phone when a flash went off in his face.

“What the fuck, Eren? First you knock me to the ground, then you fondle my tits, and follow it up by blinding me?”

“I don’t have a picture of you for your contact icon in my phone,” Eren said with a blush. “Don’t worry, it turned out it nice.”

He turned his phone toward Levi so that he could see the picture. He already never liked photos of himself. They looked even weirder when they were candid shots of him. He barely gave the photo a second glance before deciding it was an awful picture.

“Delete it.”

“No!” Eren whined. Levi glowered at him.

"Fine. I guess I'll have to use something else as your contact icon," Eren said as he shifted on the bench.

“Fine with me.”

That was followed by a series of audible clicks before Eren turned around back to him. He passed his phone to Levi to show him the new picture. His voice shook with barely concealed laughter as he asked him, "Is this better?"

It was a photo of the campsite garbage can.

"Hilarious," Levi answered, shoving Eren's phone back at him. "And here I thought you couldn't top calling me fat earlier."

“I _didn’t_ ,” Eren insisted. “But seriously, can I take your picture?”

“Why?” Levi had to know. Usually when Hange badgered him for photos, it was for blackmail. As far as he knew, Eren had no reason to blackmail him.

“Is it that weird that I want a picture of you? Don’t you want a picture of me for your phone?”

“Don’t need one. I already have a contact icon for you.”

Eren narrowed his eyes at him. “Do I even want to know what it is?”

“It’s your face,” Levi reassured him. Eren’s face shifted from annoyance to puzzlement.

“I don’t remember you taking my picture. Lemme see.”

Levi passed his phone over and answered, “I didn’t. You sent it to me.”

He’d never had any reason to change his contact icon for Eren from the selfie he’d sent him the first time they’d texted each other. Eren turned pink.

“I can’t believe you kept this.”

“Why would I delete it?” Levi asked.

“Yes,” Eren repeated with a pointed look. “Why _would_ you want to delete a photo of a guy you like from your phone?”

Levi sighed. So maybe Eren had a point. It was kind of nice to have a picture of your SO on your phone, reminding you that they were there and that at one point, they’d been thinking of you. Now he kind of got it.

“Just hurry up and take your photo.”

Eren scooted closer to him on the bench and said, “Let’s make it one of both of us. I can send it to you!”

Levi didn’t object to that. He didn’t object at all either when he felt Eren’s hand on his hip, pulling him up against his chest. Eren lifted his phone up, showing the two of them in the camera’s preview. The sight of Eren holding him with a happy smile hit Levi like a kick to the crotch. It had been a long, long time since he’d felt this close to a partner, or felt like a real couple.

“Say ‘cheese’!” Eren said, beaming widely. Levi didn’t even have to try to lessen the power of his permanent bitch-face with the gooey, heart-pounding feeling he got watching Eren hold him. (He briefly noted that it would probably be amazing as fuck if they had mirror sex someday. He had to remember to try it.)

As soon as the flash went off, Levi felt the arm slung around his lower back tighten up as Eren insisted on, “Another one!”

Levi probably should have expected the kiss on the cheek for the second picture.

“You little shit,” he said, but made no attempt to get away. He couldn’t deny that this was nice. Eren fiddled with his phone again.

“It turned out blurry. One more?”

Levi sighed.

“All right.”

He met Eren for the kiss, and didn’t even notice when the flash went off.

And later when Eren wasn’t looking, he might have changed Eren’s contact icon to that shot.

* * *

The trip down the hill was thankfully a lot less eventful than the trip up. Finally they made it back to Eren’s car.

“Can you believe we spent the whole day up there and no one tripped in the mud once?” Eren said as he opened his car door. The momentum of the swinging door promptly knocked him off his feet ass-first into the mud.

“You can use the shower at my place,” Levi promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some bad news. You should probably expect updates to slow from now on. My university restarts next week and I have a RL writing project with a deadline coming up. But I will do my best to keep writing this fic, because I'm really enjoying it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I joked that if I wrote a smut scene, it would take me weeks?
> 
> Turns out I wasn't kidding.

In the end, Eren's blanket was useful twice. Once at the nasty picnic tables, and again shielding his car seats from his muddy shorts on the ride back to Levi's place. That went a lot quieter than the ride there since both men were worn out from the hiking. Eren seemed extra sullen too, probably embarrassed about his ass-plant into the mud. Levi honestly _tried_ to be nice and not laugh about that, but his abilities ran dry when he let Eren into his apartment.

"It looks like you shit your pants," he said when he finally saw the mud caked on Eren's butt. His face flared red.

"I _know_ ," he groaned.

Levi pointed down the hall and told him, "Shower's through there. I'll bring you a towel. And some clean pants."

Eren slammed the bathroom door shut behind him.

"Rinse those shorts before you put them in the hamper," he shouted through the door. Eren didn't answer, but he heard running water so Levi assumed he'd be good.

When Eren came out of the bathroom wearing the pajamas Levi had left for him, he told Eren, "I already called for a pizza. Money's on the counter, help yourself when it gets here. I'm gonna shower."

Upon entering the bathroom, he was pleased to see that Eren had hung up his used towel to dry and his clothes were sitting in the hamper, rinsed like he’d asked and with the extra water wrung out. Levi’s heart fluttered stupidly to see that. Eren was _definitely_ getting lucky tonight.

After he showered. Because Levi had drenched himself in sweat earlier hiking, not to mention despite how hard he’d tried to avoid it in the outdoors, he had gotten some dirt on him. He felt too grimy for a roll in the hay entering the shower, but that feeling soon melted away, replaced by the orgasmic sensation of hot water and soap scouring his skin. (It really had been way too fucking long if just showering before the act was enough to start waking up little Levi. Good thing his pajama pants were loose.)

He exited the bathroom as a man with a plan: get that ass.

One whiff of the delicious scent of pizza and breadsticks filling his apartment and his plan was quickly edited with a detour: eat pizza, maybe a breadstick or two, _then_ get that ass.

Levi followed his nose into the kitchen, where Eren was working on setting the table. He hadn’t quite prepared himself for the sight of Eren in his clothes. He had been too distracted earlier to really take it in when he’d seen Eren in his clothes before his own shower. Not anymore. Part of his shoulder muscle was exposed by the wide neck of the shirt and Levi drank up the sight of Eren’s damp hair clinging to his neck. He probably ogled him way too obviously as Eren turned, noticing his entrance.

“Do the clothes fit okay?” Levi asked. It was a stupid question. He could see for himself that his shirt was a little too big on Eren. He just needed something to say that wasn’t “take me now, you stud”. He had a reputation to keep up.

“Yeah, it’s fine!” Eren said, smiling cheerfully.

“Good.”

They finally sat down to their meal. Levi practically started composing fucking sonnets in his head about how wonderful it was that Eren had found his pie knife to serve the pizza instead of using his hands. This boy was going to be the death of him. First the clean bathroom, now his hot date was serving him food. It was like one of those women’s porn calendars he definitely hadn’t bought at the bookstore “as a joke for a friend” back in his questioning days. Eren was like a dream.

Or a Ken doll. Both were good.

Levi was brought back into reality by the sound of a cap getting popped off a bottle. Eren gestured to the beers on the table, then asked, "You want a glass, or is the bottle okay?"

"Bottle."

The bottle and a plate of pizza were slid over to him. Levi bit happily into the first slice. Aaah, his favorite pizza place has the best, cheesiest pizza. Combined with beer… _Heaven_. He quickly demolished his first slice and moved onto his second.

“This is good,” Eren commented through a mouth full of pizza. Levi winced. Okay, that was a disgusting sight he could have gone without seeing. Oh well. It was a minor thing. He could fix it. And fix it he did, by refocusing his gaze onto Eren’s exposed forearms. Good and solid, and a _much_ better sight than chewed up food in someone’s mouth. That view got even better when Eren moaned loudly; Levi looked up to see a breadstick in his mouth.

“ _So_ good.”

Levi took another drink to try to calm himself and his shaking hands from that before he said, “If you keep moaning like a cat in heat my neighbor’s going to think I’m running a porn studio in here.”

(He was a little serious about that. Nick made crazy assumptions and was always slipping “helpful” church-y pamphlets under his door.)

Eren met his eyes and with a confident smile, and said, “They will by morning, I guarantee it.”

Ballsy move. Levi was impressed.

“You seem awfully sure.”

“I've never had complaints before,” Eren said with a shrug.

Now that was an interesting cherry on top of this sexy Eren sundae: being promised a good time, and if that morning comment meant anything, all night long. Oh, _there_ it was. The familiar, warm punch to the gut of arousal. The bottle in Levi’s hand hit the table with a hard clunk as he set it down. He was done with talking. Levi had had his fill of pizza. Now was the time for action, one in particular. Repeated many, many glorious times. And it all began with meeting Eren’s eyes as he leaned across the table to get closer to him.

Eren’s gaze never wavered. He only tilted his head a bit to the side so that Levi could kiss him properly, with open mouths and teeth. Levi tried to push himself closer to Eren so he could finally get his arms around that Superman chest. That’s when he received a grim reminder of the existence of the table as it jabbed him cruelly in the ribs.

“Damn fucking table,” Levi swore, sending it halfway across with kitchen with a hard shove. Why did he ever buy that piece of shit cockblocker? That thing was going to have a date with an axe as soon as Levi could manage it. His graphic plans of the vicious things he was going to do to that thing disappeared when he felt something on his knee.

“Come here,” Eren ordered with a grin that was probably closer to a smirk. He squeezed Levi’s knee again. “Lemme kiss it better.”

That was so dumb. Why was his boner reacting to that? Well, at least it made more sense when Eren slid off his chair to his knees. That kind of shit was a normal thing to get excited over.

In fact, many of Levi’s recent dreams started out exactly like this. His heart started doing a crazy Riverdance number as Eren shuffled forward until he was sitting in between Levi’s legs. He gripped the seat of his chair when Eren reached forward, tugging his shirt up until it was bunched up around his armpits.

“Holy shit.”

“What?” Levi asked, mildly panicked that Eren had discovered something horrible down there.

“You have Abercrombie and Fitch abs,” Eren said in wonder. Levi couldn’t help but feel a little proud at how his body obviously blew Eren away (and he hadn’t even seen that much of it yet). It made a guy feel appreciated to see total awe on Eren’s face as he reached out a finger and ran it down Levi’s stomach. He grunted with the effort it took to repress a shudder.

“Does it still hurt?” Eren asked in concern. Levi could roll with that.

“Yeah. Weren’t you gonna kiss it better?”

“I’ll get right on it,” he promised. Levi watched Eren lean in closer and press a light kiss to the red mark on his ribcage where he’d banged himself on the table.

“Better?”

“Fuck no.”

In all seriousness, it did still hurt a little. He’d hit that shitty table pretty hard. That was why Levi didn’t mind at all when he felt Eren go in for another healing kiss. Warm palms rested on the bare part of his back and made him lean forward into the soft, open-mouthed kisses Eren was lavishing on his torso. Damn him, those loving touches actually did make his bruised ribs feel better. The sting of the table edge was crowded out by how good it felt to have Eren on his knees and his warm tongue licking at the mark the table left behind on Levi’s chest.

It was a horrible disappointment when Eren finally sat back on his heels. The cold spot of drying saliva on his chest practically ached from being ripped away from Eren’s mouth. It was also kind of gross. (He needed to stop thinking about spit _now_.) The end of the kissing had one benefit though: Levi finally got to see Eren’s thirsty face. He was all red and there was no missing the way his eyes darted lower for a good look at Levi’s crotch.

If he hadn’t been hard before, he sure as hell was now.

“Feeling better yet?” Eren breathed.

“Yeah.”

It was the only thing Levi could think of to say. Eren shifted on the floor (oh good, that was definitely a tent so Levi wasn’t the only one. That would have been awkward as hell.), rubbing his knees. He winced before he said, “Now my knees kinda hurt. Your floor is really hard.”

“It’s tile,” Levi said instead of the other, really obvious thing he could have said. “We can go somewhere more comfortable.”

He was thinking something along the lines of his bed.

“Sounds good,” Eren replied. He held up a hand expectantly, that little punk. Levi clasped it and helped haul him to his feet. Neither made a move to let go as Levi led them to his bedroom door. When he grasped the doorknob, his pulse started to race with excitement. This was really happening. Eren was really entering his bedroom, Levi’s mattress was squeaking as Eren parked his ass on it with a very obvious boner he got from touching _Levi_. Sweet Jesus.

Maybe He really did exist, if man could be bestowed with such a heavenly sight.

“You coming to bed?” Eren asked. Levi realized he'd been standing there staring.

“Just enjoying the view,” he answered. Eren grinned, eyes trained on Levi's midriff, still exposed from earlier.

“Me too. Except for the shirt.”

“Whiner,” Levi scoffed. He took his shirt off anyway, letting his hands drag a little. While it was true he didn’t play hard to get, that didn’t mean he wasn’t above teasing. That was one of life’s greatest pleasures. Another one he knew he was about to experience when he’d gotten the shirt over his head and saw Eren’s wide eyes eating him up.

When Eren gained enough control over his slack jaw to speak, his words came out low as he said, “Come over here.”

Levi didn’t usually go for being ordered around in bed (normally he liked to fill that role himself) but Eren kind of made it sexy. Still, he couldn’t help but find it infinitely more fun to quirk up an eyebrow and hold himself back so he could watch Eren squirm with want. So Levi demanded, “What’s the magic word?”

“Please?” Eren breathed. Levi swallowed hard, all too aware of how his mouth had gone drier than the fucking Sahara at the sound of those words. Few things got his engine running faster than hearing such a pretty sounding plea to be touched. He was more than happy to oblige, settling one knee on the bed next to Eren’s side and swinging the other leg over until he was straddling Eren’s lap. Face to face like this, Levi felt his legs turn to jelly at the sight of the confident smile that reached Eren’s eyes.

He was kissing Eren before he was even aware of it, arms all over his shoulders and groping the shit out of those back muscles. Eren kissed Levi back ferociously: he bit at Levi’s lips to get them open and his tongue was as headstrong as the fingers that dug hard into Levi’s ass, shoving his boxers and pants down enough to squeeze him there.

“Levi,” Eren groaned, moving his kisses and bites to Levi’s neck, “You have a great ass.”

“You’re damn right I do,” Levi agreed, breath hitching when Eren groped it again.

When Eren moaned, Levi could _feel_ it where their chests were practically glued together, separated by that shitty T-shirt that was selfishly hoarding Eren’s warmth from him. He pulled Eren toward him hard by the roots of his hair Levi barely remembered grasping to try to get closer, get more, more, more, more than skin-on-shirt contact could ever give him. Even a few millimeters were still too far apart. Levi wanted what they’d had in the parking lot hours ago; pliant bare skin under his hands that burned with heat, not the weak, flickering secondhand warmth of touching a stupid shirt.

Levi pulled away the shortest distance he could bear before he grunted, “Shirt off. Now.”

He missed the hands on his ass, but he could bear it because when Eren started squirming around trying to get his shirt off, he accidentally ground his hips right up against Levi’s bulge. They both moaned; Levi cursed that damned shirt, stuck halfway over Eren’s head, because it muffled Eren’s voice that he so wanted to hear. Frustrated beyond belief, Levi reached out and yanked his shirt the rest of the way off Eren. He threw it behind him, finally grateful to see that thing gone.

Finally, after weeks of teasing glimpses at the drive-in, at the hike, Levi had an unobstructed view of Eren’s torso. And it was so fucking worth it. Forget Abercrombie and Fitch. That was a Marlon Brando worthy chest. (In fact, his old fantasies about Marlon Brando might actually start starring Eren now, because holy shit. Levi would never get this amazing image out of his head.) He didn’t bother to stop the low whistle that came from his mouth.

“Thanks,” Eren said.

“You’re ridiculous,” Levi told him, slipping his fingers under the waistband of Eren’s sweats and leaving no question as to whether that was a good thing or not. Eren shifted on the bed so that Levi had enough room to help him kick his pants off. He was a little surprised to see, “Commando? You’re pretty confident, aren’t you Eren?”

“You didn’t give me any clean underwear,” he insisted.

Levi wished he could say that was part of his amazingly well thought out plan to seduce the shit out of Eren, but he’d honestly just forgotten. Plus he’d assumed Eren’s own underwear was still clean. A terrifying thought suddenly occurred to him; he drew back in horror, demanding to know, “You better not be trying to tell me that the fucking mud got _in your_ _underwear_.”

“No, but the water seeped through my shorts so they were wet.”

Well, that was a relief.

“Good. I didn’t want to hear that you’d gotten an ass crack full of mud.”

“There was no ass mud,” Eren reassured him with a barely suppressed snort of laughter. He hugged Levi to him gently, bringing him back into his toned arms oh yes. “But I made sure to clean up in the shower just in case.”

Levi wanted to kiss Eren for having enough foresight to think about cleaning himself properly. He also really wanted to laugh because here they were, sitting in his bed and they’d gotten distracted from the impending sex snickering about _butt_ _cracks_. That was the point where he did laugh, because this was turn of events was fucking unbelievable. Eren couldn’t hold his own giggles back any more and the next thing he knew, they were both rolling around on the bed half-naked and clutching their sides in pain.

“I think this might be the funniest sex I’ve ever had,” Eren commented as he wiped away a tear.

“News flash: we haven’t had any sex at all yet,” Levi pointed out. He propped himself up on an elbow and looked Eren dead in the eye. “Hurry your ass up and get in me.”

Eren gaped for a few seconds before straightening up and saying, “Yes, sir!” with an eager salute. Dork. Stupid, sexy dork. Levi rolled his eyes but reached for the ever-convenient bedside table drawer anyway. He felt Eren’s fingers on his thighs stripping his pants the rest of the way off while he fiddled with the drawer. When Levi sat up again, he dumped a small mountain of condoms he’d just grabbed in the middle of the bed along with several bottles of lube.

“Are you allergic to any of this? I don’t want to have to drag your bloated carcass to the ER.”

He was glad that Eren shook his head and said, “I don’t have any allergies. Do you?”

“No,” Levi answered. “But I had an ex once who had an allergic reaction to latex. That was the most awkward trip to the ER I’ve ever taken.”

“I’ve used the latex kind before and I’m fine,” Eren promised.

Levi ripped open a condom packet carefully. “Good.”

He crooked a finger at Eren in a “come hither” fashion. Eren scooted closer to him on the bed so that Levi had some room to work with. And not a moment too soon, Levi noticed as he pinched the tip of the condom, since pre-come was already starting to gather on the head of Eren’s cock. He avoided touching it while he rolled the rest of the latex down. (You couldn’t be too safe with these things.)

The lax mood that had descended on them after the whole crying-in-laughter-over-asses thing began to ebb away now that Levi had finally gotten his hands on Eren’s dick. He knew his face was starting to flush; his skin was prickling with the feeling of being overheated, especially when he sat back and took a good look at Eren’s merchandise. He’d been too focused on getting the condom on safely before to realize that the physical blessings the gods had given this boy were truly never-ending. His heart (and dick) throbbed in excitement at the thought of taking that, especially after he put on his own condom and saw the hungry look on Eren’s face.

He held up a bottle of lube. “You ready?”

“Lemme get a pillow,” Levi said. Stiff backs in the morning were no fun. Once he was comfortable, he spread his knees for Eren. “Go ahead.”

The Adam’s apple in Eren’s throat bobbed nervously as he crawled forward on the bed.

“Here I go,” Eren said, then squeezed some of the lube on his fingers. As much as Levi appreciated that he started rubbing his hands together to warm it up, there was something seriously wrong here.

“You’re not using your bare hands.”

“What?”

Levi didn’t answer. It’d be too hard to explain in words, so he showed him: he ripped open another condom, rolled it out a little, then grabbed Eren’s hand. He curled Eren’s fingers into his fist except for his index finger. That one, Levi loosely wrapped the condom around. Eren gave the condom on his finger a weird look, so Levi asked, “Do you really not want some protection before you stick your bare fingers up someone’s asshole?”

“No, that makes sense, I’ve just never done it this way before,” Eren said, finally looking up.

“You want a glove instead?” he offered, just in case. “I have some gloves.”

Eren shuddered.

“Fuck no, those remind me of work. This is fine.”

He smiled when he finished talking, so Levi settled back against his pillow. He’d noticed over the last couple of months that Eren was easier to read than Dick and Jane. He could tell that Eren genuinely wasn’t bothered by the latex wrapped around his finger, which was good. (It wouldn’t be the first time someone had been.)

But Levi forgot about all past assholes when Eren wiped the warmed-up lube on his protected hand and set the other one on Levi’s knee to gently spread his legs even wider for that first finger to go in. He’d been around the block enough times to know how to keep himself relaxed so it didn’t feel anything except fucking awesome as Eren’s finger burned a slow path into him. He dug his heels into the comforter, relishing the feeling of Eren’s hand cupping his ass, stroking his perineum with his thumb while his index finger was occupied thrusting in and out.

_Shit_ , it felt amazing.

“Use two fingers,” Levi groaned quickly.

“You sure?” Eren asked, wiggling the one that was already in there carefully.

Levi was pretty sure meeting his eyes and twisting his hips back onto Eren’s hand was answer enough.

“Oh God,” Eren hissed, shuddering at that response. His grip on Levi’s knee tightened and Levi felt the bite of nails. “You’re so sexy. I’m not gonna last long.”

“Then hurry up,” Levi said.

Eren dug the second finger in. The earlier gentleness was long gone, but Levi couldn’t bother to give a fuck about that. Sweet touches were nice, but _this_ was something else. Rough and passionate, those were the only words that could describe the determined look on Eren’s face as he hovered above him and put all his energy into making Levi sweat, making him lock his legs around Eren’s waist, wrap his arms around Eren’s shoulders, wanting him closer and closer until there was nowhere left to go.

“Feeling good?” Eren murmured.

“Fuck yes, Eren,” Levi moaned. Eren swore so quietly Levi almost didn’t hear him. But he felt the shudder that was so deep Eren’s fingers stuttered in him before digging in even deeper. It was the savagery he’d been craving all along and Levi grunted from the way it made his breath catch in his throat in delighted surprise. His patience snapped then; he moved a hand to Eren’s chest (taking a good squeeze for posterity hell yeah) and pushed him away. He needed more than fingers, and he needed it now.

“Levi,” Eren whined, cheeks flushed, lips bitten until they’d gone red. His eyes were wide and he was staring so hard at Levi, intense and desperate, “Levi, let me— please, I _need_ —”

“Do it.”

He scrambled for the lube, didn’t even bother to give it a chance to warm up, just slicked up the condom on his cock and fell back between Levi’s legs. He spread them wider for Eren so he could _finally_ sink into him.

For someone who’d been begging a few seconds ago, he took it frustratingly slow. Levi was hyper aware of Eren’s hands on his hips, pulling them up and closer to press more deeply into him, inch by tantalizing inch. There was the contact he’d been dying for earlier, his chest pressed tight against Eren. Eren’s mouth hung open, spilling soft, breathy swears and half-formed prayers. Levi reveled in the sight, the feeling, could barely breathe at the stretch he’d been wanting so bad.

Both of them were panting hard when Eren paused, their hips pressed flush together. Levi groaned at the wait; he’d already been waiting too long fucking hurry up Eren. Through gritted teeth, Eren asked, “How do you feel?”

“I’d feel better if you stopped treating me like a goddamn blow up doll. I’m not gonna pop if you fuck me too hard.”

Eren snorted with laughter, but complied, sweeping up Levi’s legs over the crooks of his elbows for leverage as he jerked his hips forward.

“ _Fuck!_ ” Levi shouted.

“I’m trying,” Eren sassed.

“Try harder.”

They stumbled at first, sloppy and completely out of sync as they selfishly tried to steal anything and everything they could take from each other. Levi wanted to take, take, take, to have all of him, all of Eren: Eren’s face gazing down at him with so much want in his eyes, Eren clutching his knees like they were his lifeline, Eren’s cock opening him up so wide. He wanted it all, shoved his hips back in Eren’s direction trying. By happy coincidence, he brought their hips together at the same time. The bed shook and Eren jumped at the loud smack the headboard made as it crashed into the wall.

“ _Jesus_ ,” Eren wheezed, but whether it was the startling sound that tore that from his throat or the burst of pleasure when they finally found their rhythm, Levi couldn’t say. Levi couldn’t _care_. He wound his arms around on Eren’s shoulders, desperate for something to hold onto while Eren went to town on his ass.

“Fuck,” he moaned again. “Fuck, _Eren!_ ”

Suddenly, some extra, annoyed thumps joined the rhythmic sound of the headboard hitting the wall. Levi could have screamed.

“ _Shut the fuck up, you miserable sex-less old bastard!_ ” he shouted back. Fuck _everything_ , but especially his damn priest neighbor. When he’d invited Eren back to his place, he’d forgotten that Nick was a complete fun-ruiner with the ears of a bat. (It really had been pathetically long since Levi had last gotten laid if he’d managed to forget about _that_.)

“Are the walls really that thin here?” Eren asked. He’d stopped moving goddammit fuck.

“It sure seems like it,” Levi groused. “I don’t know how that old jackass can even still hear me, but he must hear something because he’s always banging the shit out of my wall whenever there’s any kind of sinful noise in here to make me stop.”

“His loss,” Eren said with a wink. Damn straight. Nick was missing out. He could go fuck himself.

He’d have to, since he wasn’t lucky enough to have a demigod in his bed bending him in half like Levi did. (Haha, _loser_.)

Said demigod, ignoring the knocks from the other side of the wall, nonchalantly thrust his hips again, driving his cock back into Levi’s ass and ripping another deep moan from his throat. The incident with Nick was quickly forgotten; who could concentrate on prudish neighbors when Eren’s killer abs were right there flexing with every movement? Not Levi.

All _he_ could focus on was the incredible mixture of sensations Eren was giving him. His skin ran warm, practically burned at the knees where Eren was holding him up. His gut was wound tight with arousal. Even the strain in Levi’s hips from keeping his legs spread for Eren felt good. But hearing Eren gasp and cry out for him (“Fuck, fuck, Levi, Levi— I’m getting close, you feel so good” “Don’t stop Eren, it’s good, _you’re so fucking good at this_ ”), now _that_ took his breath away and made his heart beat so loud Levi could barely hear anything else but the racket they were making.

He was enjoying said racket when Levi heard Eren groan again, but it was less of a pleased one and more of an annoyed one.

“Damn, my arms are… my arms are getting tired,” Eren huffed. “Is it cool if we, _oh_ switch positions?”

Levi’s back was starting to cramp up from having all his weight resting on his shoulders, not to mention his muscles were really starting to feel sore from the many miles of hiking they’d done not that long ago, so he was happy to answer, “Just do it fast.”

They crashed to the bed in a tangled heap. After a lot of awkward squirming and “No, you put your leg _there_ ”s, Levi found himself lying on his side with Eren’s arms locked around him from behind. He moaned quietly when Eren started fucking him again, his chest pressed so close to Levi’s back he was dripping sweat all over him. Or maybe it was his sweat slipping on Eren’s skin. He couldn’t tell. It didn’t matter. (It was gross either way.)

But Levi couldn’t muster enough energy to be that grossed out about it, because at this new angle Eren’s dick was _finally_ hitting his prostate and that took all the energy he had to give. His pelvis was shamelessly bucking hard against Eren’s, _so close_ , and his throat was raw from how fast and loud he was breathing, moaning ( _so fucking close_ ) wound so tight there couldn’t be anywhere else for it go but snap. Eren’s teeth closed on his shoulder; he didn’t notice, only choked on Eren’s name.

To his dismay, he felt Eren falter, hissing “Shit!” under his breath. It was obvious why when Eren’s body slumped against Levi’s back, spent from his orgasm. Fuck, he could barely stand it to be forced still and feel Eren softening in him. He writhed uncomfortably.

“Sorry,” Eren gasped out. “I didn’t mean…”

“Just hurry up and touch me, touch me Eren—”

Eren obeyed and wrapped his hand around Levi’s cock. Levi didn’t have to say a word for him to start jerking it roughly until he was shuddering in Eren’s arms; then he was drowning, adrift in a place where he felt nothing but wave after wave of pleasure, one replacing the other before it had any chance to wash away the tremors.

When he got some of his wits together, Levi peeled himself away from Eren (ugh sex sweat was always gross ex post facto) and flopped limply on his back. Eren joined him after tossing the condoms. The two lay there side-by-side, just breathing, for a long time. Levi wasn’t sure how many minutes had passed before he felt something bump his hand. Eren’s fingers threaded through his when he didn’t pull away. His heart thumped with vigor again, but it was less of the desperate beating of trying to bury yourself in someone else’s skin; this time it was warmer, it was comforting and every beat felt purposeful and loud. He squeezed back.

“You have a strong grip,” Eren said. He was grinning like a doofus.

“I work out,” Levi shrugged.

“I can tell. I mean, just look at your arms! I don’t even think I could wrap my whole hand around that bicep.”

Levi lifted the hand that wasn’t clutching Eren’s and curled his arm. He delighted in Eren’s appreciative humming at the flex of muscle. He leaned over, settled himself on Levi’s chest and tried to put his free hand around his arm, then said, “I was right.”

“You’re not half bad yourself,” Levi pointed out. “I’ve been wondering how in the hell a mortician got so ripped.”

He looked away bashfully, mumbling, “I wouldn’t say _ripped_.”

“Just look at your arms,” Levi said, poking at the muscles there. “Ridiculous.”

“Hefting those dead bodies around is a lot more work than you’d expect!” Eren laughed.

“You really have to pick them up?”

Eren shook his head, then said, “Nah, we’ve got a lift. But I like to work out. I like running.”

“Yeah?” Levi couldn’t remember hearing Eren mention that before. “So do I.”

“We should run together,” Eren decided. “It’ll be fun.”

“Sure,” Levi agreed. Eren smiled. Levi decided he would run to the ends of the earth if Eren asked him to. He shifted.

“Wanna fuck again?”

“Hell yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to thank momoicchi27 at this time for her incredibly helpful tips with this chapter.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren make plans and terrify a cafe of people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
> 
> Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy this chapter despite the wait. Also, thanks a million for the 300+ kudos and 4000+ hits! I'm still amazed.

It turned out Eren snored with the ferocity of a manic, chainsaw-wielding serial killer.

"Christ," Levi whispered, staring at the trail of drool that was marring Eren’s beautiful face as it ran down his chin. Good thing he never really slept much, because with the way that boy snored, he would have had a serious problem on his hands. But Levi had found himself lying awake unable to sleep long before the bed started shaking with the noises Eren was making. After almost an hour of watching the other man’s disgusting drool stain grow on the pillow, he gave up and decided to get out of bed. Cleaning up the mess they’d left after dinner was much better prospect than lying there doing fuck all.

When his feet hit the floor, Levi almost fell to his knees. Holy _shit_ , his knees were weak, still a set of useless al dente noodles from all the intense pounding Eren had done to him. It was official, Levi decided as he wobbled off to get a mop. Eren was definitely a keeper.

Cleaning was a welcome distraction from the horribly small number blinking at him from the oven clock. He had moved the table back where it came from (taking mercy on it instead of axing it like he’d wanted to), wiped down the kitchen, bagged the trash, and mopped the floor when he heard the loud click of a door opening.

It was hard not to snicker at the pathetic way Eren shuffled half-asleep to the bathroom looking like a zombie. Eren didn’t seem to hear it, so Levi went back to dusting the ceiling fan. As he wiped each blade clean, he heard the toilet flush; then, a tense few seconds while he waited for—

There it was. The sound of the sink running and hand washing. Levi relaxed. What an amazing sound. He was practically grinning when Eren exited the bathroom, fixing him with a stare of utter confusion.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s called ‘cleaning’,” Levi replied with an extra swipe of his duster. “You should try it sometime.”

Eren blinked a few times, then mumbled slowly, "Am I—" a yawn "—keeping you up?"

"As impressive as your snoring is, I'm fine. I just can't sleep."

"Okay," Eren sighed, eyes fluttering shut. He didn't move after that.

"Go back to bed," Levi insisted. Eren immediately staggered off to Levi's bedroom and he went back to cleaning.

Hours later, when there was nothing left to clean up in the kitchen or the bathroom or any other room in his apartment, Levi retreated to the bedroom for another attempt at some sleep. He made sure to grab an extra pillow before heading back to bed. He was willing to do a lot of filthy things with Eren, but sleeping in his drool was not one of them. He settled in next to Eren under the covers and—despite the fuckton of noise still pouring out of Eren’s slack mouth—managed to drift off.

* * *

After a series of uneasy catnaps, Levi woke to find something uncomfortably warm pressed against his back. He tried to roll away, but the arm dangling over his side tightened around his waist. When he lifted his head, he saw Eren looking at him with his big-ass eyes shining with hope.

“Cuddle?” he offered by way of explanation. “We didn’t get to cuddle last night.”

“Because you passed out as soon as we changed the sheets,” Levi reminded him. Eren didn’t answer, but somehow managed to level up the moon-eyed look on his face. Levi grunted before letting his head hit the pillow again. “Fine. But don’t you dare slobber on me. I saw what your pillow looked like last night while you were sleeping.”

“I’ll wash that pillow! And I won’t get anything on you, I’m awake now,” Eren insisted. He rubbed his dry face against the back of Levi’s neck for proof. He felt his shoulders jerk at the scratch of stubble, able to feel every movement of Eren’s lips as he said, “See?”

The long pause that preceded Levi’s warning of, “If I feel one drop of saliva I’m kicking you out!” probably said a lot about how much that touch had affected him.

Eren had probably picked up on that, the little punk, because he only slipped his arms even tighter around Levi’s waist and murmured huskily against the corner of his jaw, “You won’t.”

Okay, that was nice. The muscle in Eren’s Hercules arms bulged where they folded over Levi’s abs. That sight in his bed was an excellent way to start his day. Levi was starting to think he may have discovered a new arm fetish in Eren, because he could not tire of his arms. If that was the view he was graced with, he could get onboard with spooning. Even though his back was starting to get sticky from being all up in Eren’s hot-as-a-fucking-furnace chest, it filled him with sickeningly fuzzy feelings each time Eren kissed his neck just lying there. Levi almost wanted to kick Eren away anyway and bury his face in the pillow to cool down. He was pathetic, falling to pieces over every little movement from Eren’s lips that were starting to go slack—

“Are you falling asleep on me, Eren?”

The “o” stretched long as Eren yawned out a, “No!”

Levi shrugged Eren’s arms off and sat up, ignoring a second, piteous “no” from him.

“We need to get some coffee in you.”

Eren’s “fine” was muffled by the pillow.

“Get up.”

“I’m getting up.”

Eren didn’t move. Levi decided to just leave him be. After he yanked his pillow out from under Eren’s head, of course. He didn’t need two soaked pillows.

* * *

Some digging in the pantry revealed that there was no coffee to be found in the apartment. Eren groaned deeply and slumped over the kitchen table when Levi informed him of that fact.

“We’ll get coffee,” Levi found himself promising before he could even think about it. Eren jerked upright.

“If we’re getting coffee, let’s get breakfast too.”

Levi didn't usually eat much in the morning, but Eren's beaming at the mere suggestion of getting breakfast together had him saying, “As long as you don’t take me to some greasy dump, sure.”

Eren promised he wouldn’t, so after they’d put some clothes on, Levi let Eren direct him to a little waffle house bustling with people. It was one of those cheesy places that looked like somebody’s cat-obsessed grandma had decorated the place. The walls were covered in obnoxious, cutesy trinkets and doilies. The waitress even called them “honey” when she asked what they wanted to drink.

“Coffee,” Eren croaked. Then he cleared his throat. “And do you have black tea?”

“We do.”

Eren looked over at him with a questioning look in his sleepy eyes. A little impressed with his memory, Levi nodded.

“And a black tea.”

To Levi’s surprise, the waffle house served Reeves tea. The good shit. He sipped his cup happily while Eren gulped down his coffee. The waitress kept buzzing by to refill Eren’s cup. It wasn’t until about his third caffeine boost that he finally started to look like he was awake.

“I’ll make sure to keep coffee at my place from now on,” Levi commented. He usually did keep some around for Isabel plus a cheaper, shittier brand for nursing the hangovers of friends (mostly Hange) who crashed at his place. But today he’d run out. That turned out to be not such a bad thing, since he’d gotten some Reeves out of it. He also got to see the stupid grin Eren tried to hide in his coffee mug at the implication of a return invitation.

“I’d better start a tea stockpile too,” Eren said when his pink face reappeared. “Do you like all tea or just black tea? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drink any other kind.”

Levi thought about it for a second. “Green tea’s not bad.”

Eren grinned. “Then boy are you in luck. My sister gets the _best_ matcha from J-town. I’ll make you a cup next time you come over.”

"Sure."

"Are you just about ready to order?" the waitress piped up. Eren was in the middle of his order when Levi made the mistake of looking away. At the sight of someone at a different table yawning, he couldn’t help the yawn clawing its way out of his own throat. Why were those goddamn things contagious?

“Sorry,” he grunted when it was over. “I’ll just have the omelet.”

After the waitress skittered away Levi turned to Eren, only to find him utterly silent, eyes laser focused on the bottle of syrup sitting on the table. Shit. That could not be good. The morning after conversation was taking an awkward turn. His gut clenched with a wave of nervousness as the silence went on. Levi had no fucking clue what to say, but took a stab at it.

“Whatever’s buzzing around your skull, just spit it out.”

Well, no one had ever said that Levi was good at having heart-to-heart conversations. Or being tactful. At least it made Eren looked up at him. Eyes full of guilt as he asked, “Are you _sure_ I wasn’t keeping you up last?”

Levi stopped short of breathing a sigh of relief.

“Is that what you’re worried about? I told you months ago, I never sleep much. The only thing you kept up last night was my dick, and that was a good thing.”

Eren still looked he was on the verge of shitting his pants in worry, so on a hunch, Levi added, “Calm your tits, snoring’s no deal-breaker for me. If all the time you spend poking around fucking corpses wasn’t enough to turn me off, I don’t know what will.”

"You make it sound like I'm a serial killer!" Eren laughed and picked up his mug. Thank fuck he was acting normally again. Somehow Levi had managed to cheer him up.

“That would be a bitchin’ horror movie,” Levi commented. “The serial killer who hides the evidence in his morgue.”

“I wish I could write, that’d be a great screenplay!” Eren groaned.

“It’d be more original than all these damn sequels.”

“Exactly!”

They continued to bounce around ideas and wax poetic about horror movies even as their breakfasts were served. Whichever jackass that had once duct-taped that drive-in movie ad to Levi’s locker had stumbled onto something beautiful: their mutual love of gory flicks.

“Now I wish I was good at that creative shit,” Levi said after Eren had come up with a brilliant plot twist to their hypothetical horror film. “This would be a damn good movie.”

“It would be an R-rated movie if you were in charge of the dialogue.”

Levi shrugged. “I think your scene with the entrails hidden in the urns would have already gotten us an R rating.”

“Oh dear…”

They looked up. Their poor waitress looked pretty green as she hurriedly handed over their bill.

* * *

“She looked like she wanted to run out of there,” Levi snickered once they were back in the car.

Eren groaned, “I feel so bad. That poor woman.”

“At least now we know our movie really will scare the shit out of people. And she gets an interesting story to tell people about work. The time two homos wouldn’t stop talking about entrails in front of her.”

Eren’s head hit the dashboard.

“Hey, don’t leave a grease stain on that.”

“I took two showers last night, my face must be clean.”

Probably. So Levi let it slide. Luckily Eren lifted his head when they were back at Levi’s apartment building and the dash looked fine.

“I should get going soon,” Eren said as they took the stairs back up to Levi’s place. “I’m supposed to go wedding dress shopping with my sister later.”

Levi unlocked his door to let Eren in, and awkwardly said, “Yeah, have fun with that.” It sounded boring as fuck to him.

“I’m pretty sure I’m going to cry when I see her,” Eren said. He picked his hiking backpack up, sniffing just a little. Levi rubbed his back as he started to walk Eren toward the door. Suddenly he whipped around like a rubber band and almost knocked Levi over. “Oh, hey, before I go. I’m doing this charity 10k next month. I really need to amp up my training regimen and since we talked about it last night I thought you might like going on a few training runs with me.”

Now that he mentioned it, Levi did sort of remember agreeing to that sometime during the fucking last night. Unlike shopping, that could be fun. He asked, “What time do you usually run?”

“At night. I don’t like getting up early in the morning.”

“I’ve noticed.”

Eren grinned sheepishly. “I’ve been better about that. I haven’t forgotten to move my car since that first day we met!”

“Congratulations. You learned how to act like a functional adult.”

“Do I get a reward?” Eren asked hopefully. Levi kissed him.

“Now go. Go and cry over a dress, you weirdo.”

“I will,” Eren promised before another kiss goodbye.

* * *

Levi tightened the laces of his new sneakers. (He’d thrown away the shoes he’d destroyed on that muddy hike with Eren weeks ago.) He checked his phone again.

Eren 7:30  
i am stretching next 2 the ducks  
c u soon!

He typed out a reply as he headed out of the parking lot.

Levi 7:31  
Of course you are. Are you feeding them too?

Eren 7:31  
i forgot the lettuce today :(

Levi snickered. He was dating a dork. A dork whose ass looked fantastic in his running shorts, Levi couldn’t help but notice as he walked toward the pond to meet up with him. This was going to be a good run.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has some thinking to do (and a crew of people to force him to do it).

“TIME!”

The shout pulled Levi's attention from the water bottle he was drinking from. The bench he'd planted his ass on shook as a sweaty, wheezing Eren flopped down next to him. He glanced down at his watch and announced, “Forty-nine minutes,” before handing a second bottle of water to Eren. He gulped it down, the plastic crackling loudly.

Once he'd chugged the whole thing Eren gasped out, “When... did you finish?”

Levi checked his watch again.

“Eight minutes ago.”

Levi would have traded his fucking soul to Beelzebub himself if only he could immortalize the flabbergasted look on Eren's face right then. He really should carry around his cell phone. Then he could have proof of how Eren’s jaw worked up and down like a fish and he got that crazy-eyed look he did when he was really focused on something. It was funny as shit. Eventually Eren’s eyes fluttered shut and he slumped on the bench, insisting, "You're gonna have to teach me how in the hell you run that fast."

“Practice more,” Levi said.

Eren groaned. Yeah, no one liked being told the only way to get good at something was to actually practice. Levi put a hand on Eren’s knee and gave it a squeeze. He opened his eyes and looked over at Levi, still breathing hard and with full-fledged puppy dog eyes. Levi rolled his own.

“Your time’s gotten a hell of a lot better since we started running together and you know it,” Levi pointed out in the face of a desperate plea for reassurance. “So next time you try a 10k you shouldn’t embarrass yourself as badly as last time.”

Eren moaned and covered his face with his hands. Between fingers he mumbled, “Don’t remind me about that.”

“At least you didn’t come in last,” Levi said.

“Ugh,” Eren stood up abruptly, “Let’s just go get something to eat.”

It was uncomfortable as fuck to catch dinner with Eren all disgusting with sweat and dirt after their workouts, but Levi was going to bear it. Because unfortunately, grabbing dinner after running practice 10ks around the park after work was the closest thing they’d gotten to a date in fucking forever, thanks to Eren’s crappy work schedule.At least Eren was okay with Levi’s insistence that they shower back at Eren’s place before getting the horizontal mambo on. That made sitting through a sweaty dinner a little more tolerable, knowing that a cleansing shower and a good fuck were ahead.

Later that night when they'd worn themselves out and were about to drift off, Levi had to bite back a growl of frustration when Eren reached over him to set his alarm clock. Dammit, he was working the weekend _again_?

“When the fuck’s your next normal weekend?” Levi groused, planting his face into Eren’s bare chest. His nose wrinkled because, even though Levi would rather have all his nails ripped off than admit it out loud, he was starting to get pissed off that they couldn’t go do something together since their days off hadn’t coincided in ages. (It didn’t help his nose’s wrinkled status that Eren’s chest hair was tickling his face.) Fuck him over with a rake; Levi missed spending time with Eren that wasn't all sweating and panting. The running kind, anyway.

Levi could actually feel Eren start to wiggle in excitement as he answered, "It's actually next weekend! I'm really excited, Mikasa and Armin and I are going on a trip!"

What was this ugly, shitty feeling swarming Levi's chest all of a sudden?

"Where are you going?" Fuck, Levi hoped that hadn't come out as stilted as it sounded to him. Because it had felt like each word slithered out sluggishly, weighed down with jealousy like they were wearing a fresh pair of cement shoes. Eren didn't seem to notice, he just squeezed Levi harder.

“We're going up north to watch the meteor shower.”

“Really?” Levi asked. That was kind of unexpected.

“Yup," Eren said. "There’s a state park on Armin’s route so he’s getting us on the plane for free! One of the perks of being friends with a pilot. We’re gonna have such an awesome view from our campsite."

Levi repressed a shudder. He’d always hated camping as a kid. It was way too gross and uncomfortable. Why anyone would _want_ to choke on bug-filled air and lie in a sleeping bag on a shit-ton of rocks in their own filth eluded him. Eren's trip sounded like the stuff of nightmares. Well, there went just about all of his jealousy. The camping thing had killed it. Meanwhile Eren was getting pumped about his trip, practically vibrating in his bed.

"I can’t wait!” he said. “We've been trying to watch a meteor shower for years but the chance never came up."

"I didn't know you cared that much about astronomy," Levi said, lifting his head off Eren’s chest and meeting the sparkles pouring from Eren’s eyes. He’d never mentioned anything about it before. But then again, they _were_ lying in a patch of unnatural light from the fuckload of glow-in-the-dark stars glued to the ceiling above Eren’s bed.

That probably should have been his first clue.

"It’s more of a hobby," Eren said. The fake glow illuminated the face Eren made as he continued, "Space was always too complicated for me to understand, no matter how hard Armin tried to explain it to me. But it looks cool. That’s why I've always wanted to see a meteor shower. Plus it's on my bucket list. What about you, Levi? Isn't there something you really wanna see before you die?"

Levi had to think about that one. He wasn’t the daydreaming type and he didn’t really plan shit out more than a few weeks in advance. When he wanted to do something, he usually just did it if he could. If he couldn’t, he’d forget about it. The only thing he really remembered from Farlan was, "That thing in the North Pole with a long-ass Latin name where the sky keeps changing color."

“Aurora borealis,” Eren supplied.

“Gesundheit,” Levi replied. Eren laughed, then relaxed again against the pillows.

"Going to the North Pole would be pretty cool," Eren agreed through a yawn. It _was_ late for people with normal sleep schedules. Lucky bastards.

"Go to sleep," Levi insisted, flopping over onto his back so he wouldn’t be squished up against Eren’s hot body all night and they could maybe get some sleep. "You don't wanna fuck up tomorrow and cremate the wrong corpse or something."

The bedsprings creaked violently with the force of Eren’s shudder. "You're describing my worst nightmare, Levi!"

Levi leaned in closer, enjoying the distressed look on Eren’s face before ominously whispering, “Good night.”

Eren squeaked.

* * *

 

Eren  
3:23  
plane landed!

5:06  
Try not to get mauled by a bear on your camping trip.

" _LEVI!"_

Now there was a banshee shriek that Levi knew well. It was basically instinct at this point in his friendship with Hange to sidestep the greasy blur charging at him. He crammed his phone hurriedly into his locker so he could pull his shirt on while Hange skidded to a stop in front of the lockers, looking annoyed that Levi refused their tackle-hug.

He had to know, "Who keeps letting you in the goddamn locker room, Hange?"

"We just wanted to know if you were free tonight," a second voice chimed in from the door. Great. Mike and Erwin were peering in, too.

Levi yanked on his pants as fast as he could before adding, "And this couldn't wait until I was fucking dressed because?"

"You keep disappearing on us after work! We needed to corner you," Hange explained.

"Hange means we were having a meeting about their research and when we were finished we thought we'd go out tonight since it is Friday," Erwin explained. "Of course we’d come to invite you too, friend.”

Well, it had been a few weeks since they’d done something together that wasn’t building a house. His social life had really been shit lately. Work sucked. Well, at least since Eren was already gone, there was no hesitation when Levi agreed, "Fine. I could use a drink."

That was how Levi ended up in a bar downtown cradling a vodka while his friends screamed over the loud pulsing music.

“And then Nile accidentally set his own tie _on fire!_ ” Hange shrieked. “That’ll teach him to try to poke around my lab and ignore the PPE requirements! I actually got to shove him under the safety shower to put him out!”

They all roared with laughter. Ah, karma was usually a bitch but sometimes she rewarded them by punishing assholes. Levi laughed even harder picturing Nile running around and screeching while his cheap tie caught on fire. He hoped it had happened in front of his annoying interns.

“Is that how your lab ended up flooded?” Erwin asked. Hange nodded enthusiastically. “I was wondering why after you rescheduled our meeting today.”

They smiled mischievously before adding, “Well, he _could_ have just used the sink, the detachable eye-wash would have put out a fire that small, but I’ve never had the chance to set the shower off before and I really wanted to! Anyway, it’s the lab’s fault for not building drains under that thing.”

“What dumbass designed your lab?” Levi asked. Seriously, what kind of shit-for-brains installed a shower with no drain?

Hange shrugged. “Who knows?”

No one else had had as exciting a day as Hange had. Even Hange didn’t usually have days where they accidentally set their enemies on fire. Erwin’s stories about how his day went were usually boring as fuck (trash monitoring and city policy would put anybody to sleep) and Mike was his husband’s personal assistant so their stories were always the same. Talk quickly devolved from work to gossip.

“That cutie at the bar is _totally_ eyeing you up,” Hange shouted in his ear. Levi’s eyes flicked over to the bar. The man winked when he caught Levi’s eye. Levi’s face remained unchanged when he shifted his eyes back to Hange. Sure, the guy was more-than-okay looking, but he didn’t have a magnificent tan or a boundless enthusiasm to do his best or a face like a Roman statue at the goddamn Louvre, unlike someone else Levi could think of.

“Pass.”

“Whaaat?” Hange gaped. They spared another glance at the stranger at the bar. “Why? He’s totally your type, isn’t he?”

Levi would later blame what he said next on the three vodkas he’d already had. “I don’t think Eren would appreciate that.”

Hange screamed. Not just an “I’m-trying-to-be-heard-over-this-loud-shitty-music” scream, but a bloodcurdling “I’m-about-to-get-murdered-by-a-guy-in-a-hockey-mask” scream. This was unfortunately the noise they made when they were excited and drunk. An uncomfortable number of people turned to gape at them, including Mike and Erwin. Levi could just _feel_ all the people staring and getting the wrong idea.

“ _Jesus fucking Christ_ ,” Levi muttered under his breath.

“You’re still seeing him? It’s been almost, what—” Hange paused to count on their fingers, “—five months? How could you keep this from me?” Hange demanded. Their fingers curled into the table and left scratch marks as they rose out of their seat. “We’re bros! You’re supposed to _tell_ me when you get a boyfriend so I can go threaten him and make sure he’s good enough for you! How could you betray me like this?”

“Maybe it’s because you react like this every time,” Levi deadpanned. There were no maybes about that. That was exactly the reason why.

“Now now, let’s not fight,” Erwin interrupted in his mom voice. He laid a hand on Hange’s arm and they sank back into their seat. “You can still do all those things, Hange. If Levi really is still dating the mortician.”

He turned to Levi with an expectant look on his dumb blond face. Now here was the reason why Levi had never bothered to inform his friends that one date with Eren and turned into two and then a hell of a lot more. Well, except that one detail Erwin had wrangled out of him at the Habitat for Humanity. But Erwin was the sanest of them all, and he knew how to keep secrets and hadn’t told anybody about that. Good thing, or this torture would be even worse.

Levi wished he hadn’t said anything earlier; he’d rather go through _this_ the fewest amount of times possible. But he did plan to keep seeing Eren so eventually he wouldn’t be able to keep it from them no matter how hard he tried (Hange was disturbingly good at stalking when they put their mind to it). Besides, he’d already shot himself in the foot by blabbing.

Still, Levi took another bracing shot of vodka before he admitted, “Yeah.”

About ten different things happened in the next second. Levi’s eardrums were assaulted by Hange shrieking loudly again. Then Mike clapped him on the back in congratulations so hard he almost dropped his glass and Erwin’s face lit up like a Catherine wheel. A fuckton of questions started pouring out.

“Nice job, Levi!”

“When did this happen why didn’t you tell me—”

“What’s he like I never got his name—”

“Who bottoms?”

“Hange!”

“Is he treating you right?”

“Levi,” Erwin interrupted with his most authoritarian voice that left no question as to whose question was getting answered first. “If you don’t mind my asking, I would like to know if my plan worked.”

A sick feeling spread throughout Levi’s guts. His hand clenched around his vodka as he asked, “What plan?”

“I wouldn’t call it a plan,” Mike muttered.

“I suppose it was more of a suggestion. I left you that movie poster, did you two go? I was hoping it would lead to something.”

Movie poster? He was relieved that Erwin’s plan hadn’t been anything more sinister like paying Eren to show an interest in him, but Levi didn’t remember any movie po… _Goddammit_. This time Levi was the one shooting out of his chair with a finger pointed in Erwin’s face in anger, hissing, “Erwin, you jackass, do you have any idea how long it took me to scrub that shitty adhesive off my locker?”

Erwin fixed him with a blank stare as he asked, “You clean your locker?”

“That’s what I said!” Hange cackled. Levi flipped the both of them off before returning to his chair. He needed another drink; he too sober for this. He took another vodka and drank it in an awkward silence. It was finally broken by Erwin.

“Well, I’m glad you have a boyfriend again,” he said, eyes shining like some anime protagonist’s. “It’s good to see you happy for a change.”

“He’s not exactly my boyfriend,” Levi stupidly confessed. Everyone stared at him. Fuck. Why did he keep saying these things like a dumbshit? Levi shoved his glass across the table. He was so wrong. He didn’t need another drink, he needed to fucking defenestrate this one that kept cursing him to this talk. He was done with alcohol if it was going to keep being a bitch to him like this.

“What do you mean ‘not exactly my boyfriend’? Is he using you for sex? Is he a married man looking for cheap thrills with your heart?” Hange demanded. Before they even got a response they popped out of their seat again and thundered, “I’ll kill him!”

“Somebody take their absinthe the fuck away,” Levi sighed. Mike snatched Hange’s glass away before they could take another swallow. “And no, he’s not.”

Hange sat back down. Mike opened his mouth.

“I’m not using him either, you tall asshole,” Levi cut in, because he fucking _knew_ that’s what was on Mike’s mind. “I meant, ugh.”

The next words were harder to get out than a constipated turd. Levi hated this shit where his friends decided to act like preteens hanging in the fucking girls’ bathroom gabbing about boys. Normally he wouldn’t have touched the conversation with a ten-foot pole, but they’d plied him with booze and now, here he was, grimacing to beat the band but fully admitting, “I meant we aren’t official.”

God, he sounded pathetic. The pitying faces of his friends sure didn’t help _that_ feeling.

“Why not?” asked Erwin gently. Why not indeed.

“The fuck should I know?” Levi shrugged. He thought about it for a second. “He never brought it up.”

“Why don’t you bring it up?” Erwin suggested. “Instead of playing hard to get.”

“ _I don’t fucking play hard to get you blond bastard._ ”

Erwin shrugged and said, “It still couldn’t hurt.”

No, it probably couldn’t. But what it could definitely do was wait, Levi decided, since he was already past the point of tipsy (after all, he was telling his friends all this vulnerable crap). He still had enough brainpower to realize that serious relationship talks probably shouldn’t be done while drunk. So it would wait until after the taxi brought him home and he was hangover clear.

Levi managed to kick off his jeans and flop on his bed when he got home. He was already feeling exhausted, so he was ready for passing out. Something compelled to check his phone first. Apparently Eren had sent him a couple of texts a few hours ago.

Eren  
6:47  
hey Levi :)  
im uploading my camping pics 2 instagram   
add me!

For the first time, Levi was glad Hange had harangued him into downloading a shitload of apps. He already had an account, even if the username was stupid (Hange had picked it out and Levi had never given enough fucks to change it). But at least the screen name they had chosen wasn't as bad as "saintjaegermeister."

Despite the god-awful name, he still clicked the “follow” link on Eren’s profile (after a few missed taps where his fingers didn’t land where he wanted). He scrolled through a number of selfies of Eren with an Asian girl and He-man at the airport, in the car, and struggling to try to put together a tent and campfire. Not bad. Levi kept scrolling through the pictures Eren had posted over the night, secretly grateful for Eren's obsession with taking pictures of himself. The sight of Eren against a starry sky had him lying face-down on his bed, red face planted in the pillows after tapping the little heart next to the picture.

He felt 1,000 times more stupid about ten minutes later when the next picture was posted. It was a selfie of Eren’s sister with Eren in the background, a look of rapture on his face as he looked up at the shooting stars. It was the greatest picture of Eren he’d ever seen.

The caption read: “Freebie, **sweeperlevi**. Sleep with one eye open.”

Fan-fucking- _tastic_.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has a request. Levi reluctantly accepts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added a tag for implied spoilers about Levi's last name. His last name isn't typed out but it is vaguely alluded to.

“Yeeeah, Mikasa wants to meet you now,” Eren informed him. Great. That was exactly what Levi’s throbbing hangover headache wanted to hear. A loud _whoomph_ sound came from his pillow as Levi’s face slammed into it.

“But don’t worry!” Eren continued, his voice distorted by shitty phone reception. “She likes to be protective but she’s usually cool with my b… with the guys I date. Kind of.”

Well, that little stumble wasn’t subtle _at all_. Especially considering how much Erwin had bitched at him the night before about this whole boyfriend business.

“Are we boyfriends, Eren?” Levi felt too much like shit to be less blunt than that. It had taken way too much effort just to turn his head so that the pillow wasn’t muffling him when he asked. But they needed to settle this, so why the fuck not now?

On the other end of the line, it was very quiet. Each tense second that passed crushed Levi just a little bit. But then Eren broke the silence; Levi let out a shaky breath of relief when he heard, "If we weren’t already then I want to be. I'd really like it if we were official."

Levi’s heart thumped stupidly fast to hear Eren say that. His fingers curled tightly around his phone and his face was getting hot which he was 100% blaming on the alcohol. (Never mind that it was the morning after.) Levi swallowed the spit pooling in his mouth before saying, "Then let's be official, dammit."

"Okay!" Eren replied eagerly. God _dammit_ , why was Erwin always right about relationships?

Well, he _had_ already managed to land himself a husband. That probably had something to do it. Levi hated him a little.

"So then, are you okay with meeting Mikasa?” Eren asked.

Honestly, Levi wasn’t crazy about the idea of meeting Eren’s apparently protective big sister and having her butt into his business all night long. That was the whole reason he was so reluctant to tell people about dating Eren at all. But Eren wanted this shitty thing to happen and Levi was becoming increasingly weak to that. Plus this was a normal step, wasn’t it, to meet your boyfriend's— _fuck_ that word sounded really good in his mind there went the chest bees again—friends/family. For that buzz, he’d fake a smile (that Eren would never see since his face was still crammed against his pillow) and say, “Sure, it’s fine.”

He could practically hear the smile on Eren’s gorgeous face. Yeah. That’s why he was doing this.

“This” meaning almost dropping a bottle of sake on the sidewalk outside of Mikasa’s house as he was nearly assaulted. Two big-ass dogs were violently throwing their bodies against the fence and barking viciously as they tried to get to Levi. He was pretty sure that was some foam dripping out of one dog's mouth fuck he never wanted to die like this death by rabies sounded disgusting as fuck. Eren, the madman, threw open the gate holding back those monsters and strode fearlessly in. Levi would have thought he looked pretty cool if the idea of rabies weren’t such a boner shrinker. Somehow the savage beasts didn’t attack Eren but turned dopey, jumping on Eren and licking him as he walked toward the house.

“Levi, aren’t you coming?” Eren called out, the bipolar hell hounds at his heels.

“I’m good here,” Levi answered from behind the gate. When the dogs growled at him he added, “Not being ripped apart by fucking attack dogs.”

“Stop that,” Eren scolded the dogs in cringe-worthy baby voice. “Levi’s a _guest_ , not an intruder. You don’t need to annihilate him.”

Miraculously, the dogs calmed down but Levi swore they gave him the stink eye as he joined Eren. And he definitely did not cling to Eren for protection as they walked up to the house.

Anyone who said otherwise was a fucking liar.

They hadn’t even hung up their jackets before there was another tiny dog in a sweater jumping on Eren and yapping. _How many dogs did these people have?_ He-man appeared in the hallway, scooping up the little mutt.

“You made it past the guard dogs,” was the first thing He-man said to Levi with a piercing stare. The _fuck_? Luckily, Levi didn’t have to respond to that cryptic weirdness because Eren cut in with the introductions.

“Levi, this is my best bro Armin!” Eren threw an arm around Levi’s shoulder and pulled him into one of those weird religious side-hugs. “And Armin, this is Levi, my _boyfriend!_ ”

_Shit_ , it was still making his chest buzz with excitement to hear it said out loud. And goddammit, was he blushing again? He was such a loser.

“Hey,” Levi said, not sure what else to say. His brain was too fucked over from hearing Eren call him his boyfriend to come up with anything more coherent than that. Armin looked him over, stroking the little dog in his arms like a supervillain. The calculating gaze on Armin’s face made Levi’s skin crawl.

“Nice to meet you,” Armin said.

“ _Bullshit!_ ” Levi’s mind screamed at him. But he couldn’t say that. Because for once, he actually did have some flying fucks to give about what these people thought of him. Purely because they were close to the man he cared about. So what he said was, “Yeah, same.”

A call of “Is he here?” suddenly came from somewhere down the hall as a woman he recognized from Instagram as Mikasa emerged. A blonde woman followed her curiously. Levi was suddenly almost grateful for his shitty childhood. It made it easier for him to keep eye contact and look unaffected in the face of the cold, judgmental staring as Eren introduced him to his sister and her fiancée, Annie.

When he was finished, Eren nudged him, whispering, “The bottle!”

“Right.” Levi thrust it out toward Mikasa. “Here.”

When she didn’t take it right away he added, “It’s for you.”

“Thanks,” she said. Her face was unreadable as she left the room, announcing, “I’m going to go serve this” as she went. Annie followed her wordlessly. Levi felt a squeeze on his shoulder and looked at Eren, who had a goofy, encouraging smile on his face. Apparently this was good progress. So at least this thing wasn’t off to a completely shitty start. Maybe this night wouldn’t turn out to be a colossal clusterfuck that ended in Mikasa forbidding Eren from ever seeing him again (not that Mikasa had a snowball’s chance in hell of bossing him around, but it would still suck ass if it happened).

“Let’s go!” Eren said before finally letting Levi out of his grasp. He headed down the hall. Feeling like a lamb being led to the slaughter, Levi trudged after his boyfriend (!) to the living room where Mikasa was busy setting up cups for the sake.

“Are you going to have one, Levi?” she asked when they entered the room.

He’d need at least three or four to get through this. So, “Yes.”

Mikasa poured his drink slowly. Holding the cup out, she said, “Eren didn’t say what you do for a living.”

Levi took a fortifying sip of the precious alcohol before answering, “I’m a street sweeper.” Mikasa’s face was still totally unreadable. Time for another gulp of sake.

“Where on earth did you meet a street sweeper, Eren?” Armin asked. Christ, Levi had forgotten he was still standing right fucking there behind him.

Eren mumbled, “It’s a long story” into the cup Mikasa had just handed him.

“Long story? You forgot to move your car on street sweeping day,” Levi said.

“Oh Eren,” Mikasa sighed. Eren’s shoulders hunched; he sent an annoyed look Levi’s way. Levi’s eyebrows shot up. The fuck was that for? “Did you forget the sweeping day would change when you moved to a new apartment? I sent you a reminder.”

Red crept up into Eren’s cheeks and he seemed to literally puff up with anger as he insisted, “I set my alarm _before_ you sent all those reminders; I just slept through it! I was tired from moving all my stuff!”

Reminder _s_? Wow. Eren was not kidding when he said Mikasa was protective.

“I hope you didn’t get a ticket,” Armin interrupted, stepping between Mikasa and Eren. Judging by the quiet look of resignation in his eyes when he met Levi’s gaze awkwardly, it was not the first time he’d stepped into one of the siblings’ fights. That Levi had caused.

He really was making a fabulous first impression.

“I didn’t, thanks to Levi.” Finally, an appreciative look. “He convinced the cop to rip up the ticket.”

“Really?” Mikasa turned to him. For the first time since he’d set foot in the door, Levi could seem some emotion on Eren’s sister’s face. And that emotion’s name might have been respect. It sure sounded like respect when she continued, “Well, thank you for that. I’m glad Eren’s found someone else willing to take care of him, he’s so forgetful sometimes.”

“Hey! Don’t make it sound like I’m some helpless baby!” Eren whined. Which kinda made him sound exactly like a helpless baby. “I can take care of myself!”

Judging by the constipated look on her face, Mikasa didn’t look convinced. Levi felt compelled to defend _his boyfriend_ and added, “He can even cook now.”

Her eyes blew open. A look that somehow managed to be both impressed and angry as hell took over Mikasa’s face.

“You got _Eren_ to cook?” Armin asked at the same time Mikasa exclaimed, “How?”

“Sex deprivation,” Annie suggested flatly as she stepped into the room.

“That’s not how!” Eren insisted loudly.

Annie cut him off, “The food’s ready.”

“Ooh, what’d you make today?” Eren asked eagerly and followed his future sister-in-law into the kitchen. Before he knew it, Levi was alone with Armin and Mikasa. Shit. The room was tense as three of them stood there awkwardly. Levi braced himself for the “hurt my brother and I’ll stab you in the kidneys” speech.

But when Mikasa did speak, she said, “The dining room’s this way Levi.”

Oh thank fuck. When Eren was prepping Levi for tonight he’d made it seem like his sister would shank him with a rusty knife the second she got the chance. Not that he was scared or anything, but this was a pleasant change from what Eren had warned him about. Unless Mikasa was just waiting for him to let his guard down to strike. Just in case, Levi tried to stay on his toes as he followed Mikasa to where Eren and Annie were setting a fuckton of dishes on a table piled high with food.

“It looks awesome, Annie!” Eren was gushing. Levi had to agree. The spread on the table looked incredible. Mikasa ate like this every day? Lucky little brat. With all the cooking classes they’d taken together, he and Eren were doing way better with food. But this was something else.

Once he put that first bite in his mouth, he almost cried with jealousy. Levi swallowed his tears and barely managed to sound like a sane person when he told Annie, “It’s very good.”

“Thanks.”

It got quiet again. Quiet enough so that everyone heard Armin’s chuckle under his breath.

“What’s so funny?” Eren asked through a mouth full of food. Armin smiled.

“I just think it’s funny how brother and sister both like the strong, silent type," he said. Huh. Levi had never thought about himself as the silent type before (although he definitely agreed that he kicked ass). Plus,

“Levi’s normally talkative!” Eren insisted. Mikasa just ducked her head and mumbled something into the red scarf hanging off her shoulders. Annie looked unaffected. He kept going. "You just need to get him on the right topic. You should hear his work stories!"

“I missed it,” Annie interrupted. “What does he do?”

“I’m a street sweeper,” Levi interrupted. He refrained from adding, "And I'm sitting right fucking here."

Maybe Annie picked up on what was left unsaid because her big-ass nose wrinkled as she asked, “You mean you drive that weird car around picking up trash?”

“My Elgin is not weird.” _And there was so much more to her than trash dammit_.

“It's a government job; that's nice and stable," Mikasa said. Holy shit. She was actually defending him? Or maybe she was just defending the beaming grin on Eren's face that practically lit up the whole goddamned room.

And that was why Levi was so utterly fucked. Because if Annie had been a normal person, he'd have had a helluva lot more to say to her about his job (and beautiful Elgin). But Annie was Eren’s sister-in-law. He couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not when Eren was smiling so fucking hard, clearly drinking in his family's approval. It was bugging the shit out of him to have to be so careful with each word that came out of his mouth, but picturing how upset Eren would be if his precious sister hated his wife-insulting boyfriend ( _Jesus_!) was worse.

He had it so fucking bad for Eren.

“I’ve always wanted to know what one of those things looks like on the inside,” Armin mentioned. This guy. This fucking guy right here was a born diplomat. Levi had no clue why he'd gone and become a pilot. He would have fit right in at the U.N. brokering world peace or managing hostage negotiations. The weirdest part was that Armin actually looked interested, and not like he was engaging in meaningless small talk. He was _good_ at this. If Erwin weren’t stone cold gay, Levi would think Armin was his bastard with those skills.

“Like a spaceship," Levi said after thinking about it for a minute. "It's got a shitload of buttons because the Elgin can do a lot of things besides pick up trash.”

Annie raised an eyebrow.

“It can also pick up dirt. And rocks.” Which was a lot more impressive than people gave the Elgin credit for. What kind of pathetic household vacuum cleaner could pick up bigass chunks of broken concrete? None. Not even a Dyson. His Elgin could. Not to mention it scrubbed away all the dirt and filth of the city. But to date, his Elgin’s greatest accomplishment was, “Plus sometimes it’s a babe magnet,” Levi said, looking over at Eren sitting next to him.

Eren spluttered loudly. Armin laughed and Mikasa actually managed to crack a smile. Hell yeah.

“Has anyone besides Eren ever been into that thing?” Annie asked.

Levi shook his head. “Nope.” Eren was special.

“It worked the one time it mattered,” Eren insisted, sending a sappy look Levi’s way. Fuck fuck fuck, his damn face was getting all hot again. Levi avoided eye contact with any of the others and stabbed a carrot with his fork. Thank fuck everyone dropped the topic and went back to eating (with sly grins that were mostly ignorable). Eventually Mikasa spoke up again.

“So Levi,” she started. “What do you like to do in your free time?”

Jesus, this was starting to feel like a fucking interview. He was nervous sweating as much as he ever did during one. Levi resisted pulling at the collar of the fancy-ass shirt Eren made him wear.

“I like to work out,” he answered. Eren’s family all still had expectant looks on their faces so apparently he needed to blab more. “I run. Long-distance. I build houses and before I fucked up my ankle I did a few Ironmans.”

“Build houses?” Armin asked. At the same time, Mikasa blurted out, “Ironmans?”

That’s what he said, wasn’t it? “Yup. Houses and Ironmans.”

Mikasa nodded firmly. She responded, “Annie and I do tris too.”

Interesting. Levi hadn’t done one in ages because his ankle had crapped out on him but he still remembered how incredible it felt to compete.

“Tris are good,” Levi agreed. Mikasa and Annie nodded along. _Nothing_ beat the high of crossing the finish line despite the crushing exhaustion of hours spent pushing your body to its limits. If only, “Too bad my damn ankle gave out before I could do the Escape from Alcatraz.”

It might have been a pipe dream all along, but it was still one of Levi’s few regrets in life. Mikasa’s eyes shone.

“That’s our dream tri too.”

It got quiet again after that, but unlike the earlier, awkward-as-fuck silences where no one knew what to say next, this one was a natural one. After a minute or two, Armin said, “I want to hear more about these houses you build.”

“It’s a charity thing. I’ve been doing it for a few years now,” Levi answered. After Erwin had managed to wrangle him into it. Like he wrangled Levi into everything.

“Like Habitats for Humanity?” Armin asked.

“Yeah.”

“That must be difficult,” Mikasa commented. “Where did you learn to build a house? Did your father teach you?”

Levi managed not to laugh at _that_ idea. As if that piece of shit knew how to do anything but be a judgmental jackass. The house-building knowledge came from, “They teach you when you get there. Now that I’ve been doing it a few years I can do a lot of construction work.”

“Like what?”

“I mostly do carpentry and flooring. Some landscaping and sometimes I do a little plumbing.”

“And he can fix broken things around the house,” Mikasa said. She send a happy look skyward. “Finally. Eren’s in good hands.”

* * *

“I can’t believe Mikasa likes you!” Eren said a few hours later; the two of them had just left his sisters’ house. Against all odds, meeting Eren’s family had gone swimmingly. Mikasa had even made him promise to come back for dinner sometime and sent him off with a stack of Tupperware packed with leftovers. Leftovers he was pretty sure weren’t poisoned.

_Swish!_

Levi unlocked his car as he asked, “Why do you sound so damn offended? Wasn’t that the whole point of tonight?"

Eren threw up his hands. “Yeah! I guess it’s good she likes you but it’s _weird!_ ”

Was it really that rare for Mikasa to approve of one of Eren’s boyfriends? Eren’s reaction to this seemed pretty over the top. Levi couldn’t help but feel pretty damn proud of how he’d won Mikasa over. “I guess both Jaeger siblings have good taste,” he replied smugly.

Eren slid in the car after him, adding, “Well, Mikasa’s an Ackerman, but yeah. I guess we do.”

“The fuck? Did you say—”

“It’s just a weird coincidence,” Eren insisted. He refused to meet Levi’s eyes, focusing way too much on buckling his seatbelt.

Levi shook his head and jokingly muttered, “Fuckin’ sister complex.” He went to turn the key in the ignition. A hand on his stopped him. When Levi looked up, Eren’s big eyes were locked on his.

“I’m really glad you guys got along,” Eren said, eyes shining with a smile. He leaned in and kissed Levi softly. Levi felt his eyelids fluttering shut like a Disney princess in those shitty cartoons Isabel ate up as a kid. How the fuck was he supposed to help it when Eren’s kisses still made his bones tingle as bad the first delicious time? He could never stop at one, not if he had his whole life to get used to Eren; Levi was sure of it and each and every kiss never failed to make him go weak at the knees.

“Stop teasing,” Levi grunted against Eren’s mouth.

“’M not teasing,” Eren said before nipping Levi’s lower lip again. What a punk. Levi planted one hand on the back of Eren’s head to make him dip lower with the added benefit of Eren’s mouth gaping with surprise. It was too easy to take advantage of Eren’s open mouth and sweep his tongue across _his boyfriend’s_ chapped lips.

Levi would have been happy to stay in that moment forever (with maybe a little fast-forwarding to the naked parts) but as Eren’s hand crept down the back of his boxers, he was reminded of something important.

“We are still in your sister’s goddamn driveway,” Levi groaned. It was a struggle to keep himself from panting like a dog in heat as he spoke. Even if he felt exactly like one. Eren licked his lower lip.

“Your place is closer, right?”

The tires squealed against Mikasa’s driveway as Levi floored it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm finally on spring break! I'm looking forward to actually having hobbies. My schedule for next quarter is less packed so I hope to be able to keep writing more often in the coming months. I will also be attending Anime Conji on April 3rd and 4th.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren asks for a ride. Not the kind Levi had in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow! I'm so shocked and happy about breaking 400 kudos and 5000 hits. Thank you guys so much for your comments and kudos. I hope you keep enjoying this fic.

It wasn’t until much later, when Levi and Eren were once again frequenting the cheap thrills of the drive-in movie theater horror film repertoire that Eren voiced what was probably the weirdest result of that family dinner: “Hey can I ride in the street sweeping truck with you sometime?”

If it weren’t disgusting as fuck, Levi would have dug around in his ear for some earwax because there was no fucking way he heard that right. He settled for just repeating, “You. Want to ride in the sweeper with me?”

“I do,” Eren said; Levi felt him nod where Eren’s face was resting against his shoulder. “All that stuff you were telling Armin about the sweeper the other week at dinner made it seem pretty exciting.”

“It is pretty bitchin’. In its own way,” Levi agreed. He wasn’t sure how much fun siting in a truck for eight hours would be when you didn’t get to work any of the buttons. Or feel so much satisfaction driving away from a nice, clean street. Eren lifted Levi’s hand that was resting on his abs and slipped his fingers in between Levi’s.

“Plus I wanna see you at work. It brings back memories.”

Purely by instinct, Levi sassed back, “You could always stick your head out the window on street sweeping days if you wanna see me work so bad.”

Eren pressed his face against Levi's shoulder, adding. "I want the up close and personal view."

"We're not fucking in the truck," Levi responded. He couldn’t do that to his baby. What if someone left a stain? Unthinkable. Eren made an exasperated sound.

"That's not why!"

Then why, Levi really wanted to know. Because he couldn’t figure out why Eren wanted to. It wasn’t like his work uniform was flattering (that shitty neon orange vest looked good on _nobody_ ). He didn't even want any hanky panky out of this! It was fucking weird. But if it made Eren happy, then he’d make it happen. He pulled his arm tighter around Eren as he said, “If you really wanna do fuck all sitting in my Elgin, go ahead.”

“Really?”

“Why the fuck not. You can tag along some Thursday morning and I can drop you off at your apartment,” Levi offered. “Since it’s on my route.”

Eren sat up, the biggest grin on his face. As much as he missed feeling Eren cuddled all up against him, Levi loved the feeling of his heart fluttering at that smile more. Jesus help him, he was fucked. That smile was literally killing him.

“Excellent! And,” Eren’s fingers turned over, stroking the inside of Levi’s palm, “maybe I can spend the night before at your place. Since we have to be up early.”

_He fucking knew it._

Levi couldn’t stop the scoff from creeping into his voice as he said, “You horn dog.” But he didn’t make any attempt to push his boyfriend’s hand away.

"It’s hard to resist, you're so hot," Eren whined endearingly before leaning up and kissing Levi’s neck. Good thing they were in the relative privacy of the backseat of Eren’s car so no one saw his face turn the same shade as a stop sign. Goddammit, his neck was his weak point and his boyfriend knew just how to tease it and make him shiver.

“At least drive me home before trying to fuck me, you horny bastard,” Levi insisted, planting a palm on Eren’s forehead to make him back off. “We are in public. That last thing I need is some fucking public indecency ticket.”

That was the moment where Levi started to suspect that his boyfriend might actually be a wizard because one second he was halfway in Levi’s lap cuddling him and the next he’d apparently fucking Apparated to the driver’s seat. Eren turned on the car, eagerly declaring, “Can do, I’ve seen this movie before anyway.”

Well. That. Eagerness was really a turn on. As quickly as he could manage in a cramped car (and tight pants) Levi squeezed himself back into the passenger seat.

* * *

The sound of Levi's fingers tapping impatiently on the steering wheel filled the car. He glanced back at Eren's workplace through the window, hoping that Eren's shift could hurry the fuck up and be over.

While planning Eren's ride-along, it had come to their attention that Eren would end up stranded from his car if he headed to Levi's on his own. The solution was easy enough; Levi was parked outside the funeral parlor waiting to give his boyfriend a lift to his place for the night. He looked again at Pixis' Funeral Parlor. He could see Mikasa through the store's window (she sent him a wave; he waved back) but the apprentice mortician he really cared about was nowhere to be seen. At least Mikasa still appeared to like him. That was a new feeling, a surprisingly good one, of having the acceptance of his boyfriend's family.

Except. The drumming stopped. He’d just thought of something. Something he probably should have noticed a hell of a lot sooner. It was a family dinner but only Eren's sister and sister-in-law had been there. Plus the old friend close enough to be his brother. There had been no mention of Eren's parents. Levi racked his brain, trying to remember if Eren had _ever_ mentioned his parents.

Ten minutes later, he still had jack shit. Huh. Well, Levi was no stranger to absentee parents. If Eren’s parents were dickwads, at least there were fewer people whose good side he had to try to stay on. By the time Eren burst out of the funeral home, tie fluttering behind him as he dashed over to Levi's car, he'd already forgotten about it.

"Hey Levi," Eren gasped out before planting a kiss on Levi's mouth. Levi caught a huge whiff of formaldehyde; was it weird that he was starting to like the smell?

Yes. It fucking was. Levi reassured himself by deciding to call it new car smell/new boyfriend smell that he was enjoying. Not dead body smell.

"Wanna swing by the market and get ingredients for dinner?” Eren asked. Levi snapped his attention back to the present. Where it belonged. “I was thinking of making lamb."

"Yes let's do that," Levi agreed immediately. In addition to his newly-discovered wizard skills, Eren also happened to have developed a knack with lamb during their cooking classes. It was never anything less than orgasmic when Eren cooked lamb. As they headed toward the supermarket and Eren was telling him all about his day, Levi could hear a soft swishing sound.

"Too bad," he said when he saw Eren throw the tie he'd just taken off in the backseat. "I was looking forward to tying you up with that thing."

It was a damn good thing someone had invented seatbelts, Levi thought as Eren nearly threw himself in the back of the car to get his tie back.

* * *

“We’re getting good at this!” Eren exclaimed when he pulled a pan of perfectly cooked lamb chops and mushrooms out of the oven. He set it down on the burners with a proud flourish. He started plating the food, adding, “Next thing you know we’ll have our own cooking show.”

“People will really be into the show where a guy who handles dead bodies teaches them to cook,” Levi commented and slid his pan of cobbler batter (they’d split the dessert and entrée cooking between them) into the oven.

Eren snickered as he added, “It can be Chef Hannibal’s cooking show.”

Levi laughed so hard he dropped his oven mitts.

“You sick fuck,” he said when he could finally breathe again. Cute _and_ funny. He couldn’t remember why he’d ever thought the dead bodies shit would be a deal breaker. Eren was such a catch. No wonder his lottery tickets were all losers lately. Levi had clearly gotten lucky enough already (pun _fully_ intended). He threw the mitts toward his laundry basket. “I love it.”

With a wink Eren held out a plate under Levi’s nose and said, “Well I hope you also love this meat that is _deeeefinitely_ lamb.”

Levi did enjoy it. Very much. Eren had done his usual amazing job. After they’d stuffed themselves full to bursting with meat and cobbler the two rolled themselves to the couch to work off their food comas in front of the TV.

“I didn’t know you liked house flipping this much,” Eren commented after the third episode of the show Levi’d put on.

How to explain it? “It’s so fucking satisfying to see a shitty house cleaned up and made livable. Plus they give me ideas for my charity.”

“Hmm.”

Figuring that response (and the arms winding around his waist) were pretty clear signs that Eren was bored out of his mind, Levi picked up the remote again. “Wanna watch something else?”

Eren shifted on the couch; he’d been lying against Levi’s side earlier but now he was propping himself up over Levi on his elbows, staring at him happily. “Nah. I’d rather make out.”

Making out _was_ shitloads more fun than house flipping. So Levi pulled Eren’s face down for an enthusiastic kiss. The feeling of Eren’s weight settling down on his chest made his blood run hot; Levi had to admit he fucking loved it when he felt Eren’s body pressed up against his and the feeling of Eren’s hand sneaking up his shirt.

Every muscle in his body was screaming for him to wrap his legs around that waist and forget about everything else; Levi couldn’t bring himself to give in fully. He felt like he should at least _try_ to warn Eren, “You know we have to be at my work at five AM tomorrow.”

The only response was a squeeze of his pecs.

“If you fall asleep in the truck after staying up all night and miss all the sweeping action I won’t feel sorry for you.”

“I’ll be fine,” Eren insisted. Well. No one could say Levi never tried.

“Your funeral,” he shrugged. As much as one can shrug being pinned down by your gorgeous boyfriend. “But brush your teeth before we do anything else your mouth tastes like a damn hot dog.”

“So does yours,” Eren said fondly before a quick, closed-mouth kiss. Gross. Levi practically vaulted off the couch once Eren got off him to scrub his mouth of hot-dog-taste. Levi was in the middle of the mouthwash part of his nightly oral routine when Eren came into the bathroom, muttering, “I forgot a toothbrush.”

After taking a moment to spit, Levi reached across the sink and got a pack of new ones out of the medicine cabinet. He tossed it at Eren and told him, “Just keep one here.”

“My own toothbrush. How exciting,” his boyfriend said with a breathtaking smile aimed right at Levi.

That smile made Levi feel light as air. Even though Eren was just joking the thought actually did leave him feeling pretty excited. Levi’s stomach flip-flopped in the best way seeing Eren set his used toothbrush next to his own in the holder. He might have also been a little turned on. The weird as fuck things that made him happy these days. Next thing he knew Levi would be blubbering with joy over Eren leaving dirty tissues in his trashcans.

“Levi are you okay?”

His whole body had been wracked with a shudder at the thought of snotty Kleenex. Nope. Fuck no. He wasn’t so far into this l-thing that he liked the idea of Eren’s mucus lying around (yet. Hopefully that day would never come.). But Levi _was_ deep enough that seeing Eren’s eyes all bugged out with concern made his chest swell with a rush of emotion.

“I’m fine,” he lied. His heart was only pounding faster than Usain Bolt. No biggie. A stupid idea struck him; Levi’s sense of shame was obviously crapping out on him the more he got to like Eren because he couldn’t think of any other reason why the idiotic verbal diarrhea that came out of his mouth did: “I’m just cold. Warm me up.”

There was no time for Levi to contemplate what a fucking stupid line _that_ had been because Eren gaped like a fish for all of three seconds before squeezing him in an intense bear hug. He wheezed some kind of gibberish into Levi’s ear, but the hands groping his ass (and the boner poking him in the hip) gave him a good idea of what Eren was trying to say. So maybe it wasn’t as stupid as he’d thought?

Yeah, it was a good idea after all Levi decided when he felt Eren’s teeth at his neck.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he hissed and tipped his head sideways. He was turning red, he knew it, felt heat creep up into his face, getting turned on. He could practically feel the hickey forming on his throat as Eren kept up roughly biting at it. Levi’s fingers itched with the need to grip Eren and pull him closer, pull him in for more. His hands ended up on Eren’s shoulders pulling his giant boyfriend down to his height. He felt the hands on his butt suddenly push up sharply, once, twice; Eren grunted loudly and did it again. Uhh…

“The fuck are… Are you trying to lift me?” Levi asked. He couldn’t think of any other reason why Eren would essentially punch him repeatedly in the buns. It would be a different story if there was some spanking going on, but this was just weird.

Eren was pointedly looking down at the floor instead of looking at Levi as he admitted, “I was gonna be cool and carry you to bed. But I forgot how heavy you are.”

“Lemme try.” He was pretty sure he could do it. Levi lowered his arms so they were wrapped around the tops of Eren’s thighs and heaved upward. Eren yelped as his feet lifted off the floor and Levi felt him flop over his shoulder. Jesus, Eren wasn’t light either. But as Levi took a wobbly step toward his bed, he was pretty sure he could hold out for a few more feet. Luckily they weren’t too far from the bedroom so Levi managed to carry his boyfriend over to his bed and set him down without dropping him.

“That was really hot Levi,” Eren breathed dumbly. The sight of his flushed face made Levi’s dick throb. Eren stroked Levi’s upper arm through his shirt, clearly awed as fuck. Oh yeah. Levi felt proud. Especially since Eren’s other hand was resting on the crotch of his slacks and rubbing the obvious bulge there. “So these guns aren’t just for show, huh?”

“When have you ever known me to do something for show?” Levi asked. He moved so that he was sitting on Eren’s lap. It was a great position, one of his favorites, finally able to look down on the close-up view of Eren’s magnificent face and tilt it up for a kiss. And feeling Eren’s hands grope at his butt was pretty fucking sweet too.

When their lips parted and their tongues were back in their mouths, Eren blurted out, “Weren’t you just telling me about how you freaked out that guy at your sister’s work who likes her?”

“Oh that was no show,” Levi insisted darkly, remembering how things had gone down at the shop. “I _will_ disembowel him if he hurts Isabel.” And he’d make it as painful as humanly possible.

“If we get a body in our funeral parlor with no bowels left I’m gonna wonder if that was you,” Eren joked.

Levi looked down his nose at Eren. “I’m insulted. You think someone would find the body after _I’m_ done with it?”

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry,” Eren said. He made a ridiculous show of hanging his head and casting his eyes downward, trying to look sorry about what he’d said. But there was no hiding that cocky gleam peeking up through his thick-ass eyelashes. “What can I do to make it up to you?”

A million different possibilities came to mind, each more perverted and depraved than the last. Fuck, he might not even make it through the list; imagining them was already making his pants feel tight enough. As Levi pondered the wide array of sexual favors Eren could lavish on him, his boyfriend meanwhile was slowly grinding his hips up against Levi’s ass. Goddamn, that felt good. He could probably get off on that alone. Shit, he _wanted_ to get off on that alone. Frot sounded perfect tonight.

“If you want to make it up to me,” Levi decided. “You could fuck my thighs.”

A long moan slipped out of his mouth before Eren groaned, “Levi, you’re gonna make me come in my pants.”

“We wouldn’t want to mess up your nice work slacks,” Levi agreed, flicking Eren’s belt. “Better take ‘em off.”

It was a damn shame Eren had to stand up to do that. At least Levi could flop back on his bed and enjoy the show as Eren unbuckled his belt. Eren, the punk, noticed Levi looking. He slowed down, teasingly easing off his belt. Levi’s gut lurched with frustration, burning for Eren to move that ass. As the belt started to slip free from the pants loops Eren cocked a hip sensuously, helping the leather slide free.

Levi’s mouth watered the second those slacks slipped from Eren’s pelvis and hit the ground with his boxers. He barely even noticed his own hands shoving his sweats down his thighs. He did notice the relief when his palm met his dick, watching Eren unbutton his shirt slowly.

Eren was grinning again. “You like that?” he asked. “When I strip for you?”

“Fuck yeah.”

How else was he supposed to answer when Eren shrugged off his button-down and was left only wearing his tight little undershirt? His damn nipples were poking up the fabric on his chest and the shirt was clinging to Eren’s muscles just right.

Every time they fucked Levi thought his Marlon Brando dreams couldn’t be topped but then Eren went and did this. Levi’s dreams were really coming true. And now he even had a vision for what it would look like with Marlon’s cock standing out against that infamous white undershirt. _Jesus_.

He barely heard Eren thinking out loud, “I should bring music next time.” He yanked his undershirt over his head. Levi did hear what came next. “I can give you a lapdance.”

The temperature in the room felt like it skyrocketed twenty degrees when Eren said that. Levi’s skin itched with heat and he scrambled to rip his long-sleeved shirt off.

“Next time,” Levi demanded when the shirt was off and he met Eren’s eyes again. He just smiled in response and went fishing through the sex drawer. Levi had just managed to kick off his sweats when Eren hopped back into bed with a couple of condoms. Once the rubbers were on, and Eren had a good handful of lube, he paused. He surveyed the sight before him, Levi sprawled on his bed while Eren knelt before him, looking a little lost. Oh, Levi recognized that look.

“First time doing Princeton first year?” he suggested.

Eren sent a crooked grin his way. “I’ve seen it in pornos before but I don’t… I never really got around to it. I’m not sure how to start.”

Since the stupid lines pouring out his mouth hadn’t fucked anything up yet, Levi decided to go with the next dumb thing that floated through his mind. “You want me to get on my hands and knees for you?”

And then Eren was wheezing and choking again. Loudly. Levi awkwardly thumped Eren on the back.

“Don’t you fucking dare suffocate on me,” he said. “I’m not the one who knows how to deal with dead bodies here.”

Plus, the trauma of sexing a partner to death would probably kill his libido for life. A lifetime of forced abstinence sounded like hell on earth. Levi felt so relieved when Eren cleared his throat to speak up. His voice came out rough as he muttered, “Sorry. I just love it when you get all thirsty and tell me that you want me.”

“Course I want you,” Levi said. How could he not? Despite how messy his hair was, he knew Eren had looked in a mirror lately. “I want you to get your cute butt over here.”

Eren immediately scooted closer to him. The lube cupped in his palm sloshed out and started dripping down his wrist. With a speed even Levi didn’t know he had, he shifted to his hands and knees, wary about that drop threatening to slide off Eren’s elbow onto his clean sheets.

“God I love it when you’re eager,” Eren murmured, letting his voice drop.

“Don’t let that lube spill on my sheets,” Levi started to say. Before he could finish he felt the cold wetness of Eren’s hand working its way between his thighs.

“Don’t worry,” Eren said before bending over to place a soft kiss on Levi’s temple. Eren’s thumbs rubbed circles into his legs while his fingers spread the lube evenly “I know what you like by now.”

“Good boy,” Levi groaned. Eren’s fingers dug in and pulled Levi toward him. Ah yes, Levi thought feeling his boyfriend’s cock against his leg. Invoking that praise kink of Eren’s always had such wonderful results. The bed dipped as Eren slid his dick in between Levi’s legs. When he felt Eren’s hips flush against his ass Levi moved his knees closer together to get that delicious friction on his thighs and cock.

The first thrust had Levi’s back arching in pleasure from the drag of Eren’s cock against his legs. _Shit_ , that was good. He pushed his knees tighter together, feeling the strain in his thighs the closer he tried to get. Eren’s loud moaning must have meant he liked that too and he started fucking Levi harder and oh fuck yeah that was even better.

“God, Levi, that’s good keep doing that _please_ ,” Eren moaned.

As if Levi could stop! The goddamn Pope himself could have walked in right then and he couldn’t have brought himself to stop. Not while Eren’s dick kept grinding up against his thighs as he pounded into the space between his legs. What made Levi’s fingers curl into his bed sheets was when Eren’s cock bumped against his balls, when it brushed up against his own dick and rubbed up against his tip. Levi knew he was crying out, didn’t care, just needed more.

He felt Eren’s mouth on his shoulder, felt him licking at the sweat rolling down his neck now that should have felt weirder but it just made Levi’s heart pump faster, feeling more and more aroused by the second. Eren’s hands were on his hips so hard he knew he was getting bruises but it wasn’t fucking hard enough, not when he felt _so close_.

His arms were starting to shake so badly he could barely concentrate on holding himself up. All he wanted was to press into more of Eren and fuck everything else.

“More, fuck, faster,” Levi hissed, panting around each word.

Every gasp of cologne and latex and sex burned at his lungs with every gulp of air he took in. He wished they’d done this the other way so fucking what if his legs went numb held over his head, Levi wanted to see Eren’s face, see his eyes fighting to stay open and drink in every minute of watching each other fall apart.

“I know I know,” Eren chanted. “I want it too come here.”

Levi felt Eren’s hand close around their cocks and start jerking the two of them off. That was the moment his elbows finally gave out; Levi’s face hit the pillow about the same time his orgasm hit. Wave after wave rushed through him, felt his body relaxing, throat raw, Eren’s name on his tongue, Eren making him feel so good. Then there were Eren’s fingers in his hair twisting his head around.

“Don’t let that pillow cover all your sexy moans,” Eren panted out, thrusts getting frantic. “I wanna hear you. I wanna hear you. _I wanna hear you_.”

“I hear you loud and clear,” Levi said and found the energy to throw in a few extra moans for Eren.

Eren’s laugh was cut off by a grunt and gasp, then he was gripping Levi’s ass tight as he came. They slipped into an awkward heap of limbs while the two of them came down. When his brain stopped being complete mush, Levi carefully pulled the condom off and tied it up. Eren’s thumped on the covers next to him.

Eren still looked pretty wrecked so Levi took both rubbers in hand to throw them away. By the trash can he announced, “I’m taking the first shower.”

“Go ‘head,” Eren mumbled sleepily. Levi thought about warning him about falling asleep before he had the chance to shower, but his thighs starting to stick together with lube was such a gross-as-fuck feeling he just ended up rushing right into the shower to scrub that off. Before he even exited the bathroom, he knew Eren had already fallen fast asleep.

He could hear the snoring.

“So I’m guessing you don’t want a shower,” Levi said as he entered the bedroom. Eren didn’t move. Levi surveyed the scene for a minute, pulled between wanting to wake his boyfriend up to change the sheets like he usually did after sex, or leave him be and just sleep.

In the end, Levi went with that second option. He’d change the duvet cover tomorrow, but it wasn’t so messed up with sweat that he couldn’t bear to sleep in for now. That was just one of the wonderful things about condoms. Much less messy. But first there was one thing to take care of.

Levi poked Eren’s bare shoulder, said, “At least wake up enough to get under the covers.”

Eren made some grumbling sound and rolled around until Levi was able to yank them out from under him. He pulled the covers over the two of them (keeping some distance between Eren’s sweaty, unwashed body and his), then set the alarm clock.

* * *

The next morning, Levi woke up to one of the best sounds ever: Eren’s pained groan a split second after the alarm clock went off. Being a morning person/insomniac watching non-morning people struggle with waking up was always so entertaining.

After one look at the clock Eren moaned, “Why is it four AM?” into the pillow.

“Because I need to be at the Sanitation Department at five to start my shift,” Levi replied. He slapped the lump under the bedcovers where he figured Eren’s sweet ass was. Judging by the yelp and how Eren bolted up in bed, he’d gotten a bull’s-eye. “I’ll start some coffee while you shower.”

It was the least he could do after Eren was so amazing last night.

Eren stumbled off naked toward the bathroom. Eight hours. Watching that beautiful cock and bubble butt walk by, Levi had to remind himself that he had eight hours he was going to have to spend sitting in his Elgin which did not exactly have the most comfortable seats in the world. There just wasn’t time. What a shame.

The coffee must have worked because Eren managed to not fall asleep on the ride to work, which honestly surprised Levi after how many hours they’d stayed up last night. He’d been expecting to hear Eren’s loud-ass snores in the car. Instead, Eren was fully awake when they got to Levi’s work. In a way, that was good. Levi didn’t have to worry about Eren passing out asleep while he was in the locker room changing into his fugly orange uniform.

What he _should_ have been worried about, the horrifying possibility he really should have considered before bringing Eren to his workplace, was how alert and talkative Eren would be when he ran into Erwin. Because _of fucking course_ today was the day Levi exited the locker room and discovered that the blond was already at work obscenely early.

His blood ran cold; why the hell was Erwin literally fucking _everywhere_ like fucking Santa Claus? Worse still (because Levi’s life could always get worse), Erwin wasn’t too busy to stop and question Eren who’d been waiting for Levi in the hallway.

“Really? I wouldn’t have imagined that,” Erwin was saying when he spotted them talking. Levi was pretty sure that was part of his soul dying at the sound of them chuckling together, with Erwin no doubt embarrassing the fuck out of him. This conversation needed to die. Now. _Painfully_.

“Don’t you have some important trash shit to do?” Levi interrupted.

Without missing a beat Erwin said, “I do have a 'trash' teleconference this morning. That’s why we’re here early today.”

We? Suddenly, Mike leaned over from the shadows and sniffed Eren. The horror seemed to unfold in slow motion: one long, loud, humiliating sniff right at the nape of his boyfriend’s neck. A confused and perturbed look crossed Eren’s face. Apparently that sense of shame wasn’t as dead as Levi had thought last night because he definitely felt embarrassed as fuck right now. He was sure not even falling into the Mariana Trench to hide right now could make him feel better. He’d have to go to fucking Mars or something. Why were his friends so intent on making a goddamn fool out of him in front of Eren?

“We need to go now," Levi insisted before snatching his boyfriend’s hand and pulling him toward the city garage. _Away_ from his crap friends.

“He smells like a good one,” Mike called after them. The urge to facepalm was too strong to resist. Jesus fuck why was he friends with these lunatics again?

When the burning in his face had calmed down a little, Levi cleared his throat and tried to do a little damage control. Maybe convince Eren he didn’t hang out with only insane people. “Mike does that to everyone he meets. Weird fucker.”

“No wonder he kicked your ass,” Eren muttered. “Mike’s _really_ tall.”

Levi stopped dead in his tracks. “That’s what you’re focusing on?”

Well, it was better than running for the hills once he realized Levi only attracted friends who belonged in a psych ward. And he hadn’t even met Hange yet.

Now that was an introduction that could wait. Possibly until their wedding day when they'd be too in love for Hange to make things weird.

“That is a lot of trucks,” Eren commented. Since Levi had basically been on autopilot to get away from the embarrassing blond duo, they’d ended up in the garage exactly where they needed to be. Good. It was about time they got the hell outta Dodge.

“Trost’s a big-ass place,” Levi said, trying to stop his brain from replaying that awful sniffing crap for the hundredth time. “A lot of us work to keep it clean.”

He started walking toward his truck. He couldn’t wait to speed out of the garage and get away from any more impromptu introductions.

“Oh my, who’s this?” a coy voice called out; Petra popped her head out of her truck window a second later. Levi rolled his eyes upward. God, why couldn’t he have one fucking morning of peace? What the fuck did he ever do to Him?

Oh yeah. The lifetime of doubting His existence. And the swearing. Plus the unwed homo-nastiness of last night. So Levi had to resign himself to a humiliating morning and say, “This is Eren,” hoping that would be enough detail for her.

“Ohh,” Petra said. “THAT Eren.”

She grinned. Levi winced. Goddammit Hange. Why did they have to blab to literally everyone they knew? Were no secrets sacred?

“I’m Petra,” Petra introduced herself, directing her gaze toward Eren. “I’d offer to shake your hand but it looks a little busy.”

Christ, they were still holding hands. Levi let go immediately.

“Let’s just get the fuck in the truck so we don’t end up late how’s that sound?” Levi said. Petra giggled, then waved out her window as she pulled out of her parking space.

“Have a good time!”

Once she'd left Eren said, “She seems nice.”

“She is the most normal friend I have,” Levi agreed. And then, to prevent the possibility of anyone else he knew showing up and being weird with and/or in front of Eren, Levi briskly walked (ran) to his truck and entered (hid in) it. Eren followed, clambering up into the truck’s passenger seat. Which was flipped since Levi needed to be able to see the curb.

“Oh wow it does look like a spaceship!” he cried out. Levi almost didn’t hear it; he was too busy gunning it out of that godforsaken garage. They were just nearing the start of his Thursday route when Eren asked, “What do all these buttons do?”

“Well this one lowers the side broom,” Levi explained as he pushed said button. Eren was practically hanging halfway out the window as he eagerly watched the broom lower. A soft scraping sound filled the truck as the bristles started sweeping up debris. “The older trucks were loud as hell. We used to have to wear noise-cancelling headsets. The newer ones are soundproofed.”

“It is a lot quieter than I thought it would be,” Eren said, sliding back into the truck. “Usually I can hear it all the way in my apartment.”

Levi did _not_ miss those days. Having headsets clamped on your head was a pain in the ass. He loved the new model. He continued, “And this button lowers the other broom so this is the dual sweep mode.” He pointed, “And this one turns on the water flow.”

The excited look on Eren’s face said it all.

“You can push it if you want.”

Eren looked like a kid at Christmas as he pushed the button. Levi was surprised he didn’t whoop with glee at the sound of water spraying on the asphalt.

The glee was infectious. Levi was starting to get kind of excited about showing off all that his beautiful Elgin could do. “Check this out,” he said and swiveled the dashboard camera toward Eren. He flicked the switch that made the broom arm stretch outward.

“ _COOL_ ,” Eren said, eyes glued to the screen. Levi swiveled the broom angle and reveled in the impressed oohs and aahs Eren made. So this had ended up being a fantastic idea. Bless Eren Jaeger for coming up with this idea.

“That turns into a back-up camera too,” Levi informed him. He tapped the screen and the video feed switched from the brooms to a view of what was behind the truck. “That makes ramming backward into assholes who tailgate me easier.”

“That’s good,” Eren laughed. He grinned at Levi. “This is really cool.”

 _Cool_. No one had ever admired the fine design and function of the Elgin before like Levi.

“Hey, watch me sweep up that bottle.”

Since the Elgin could do a lot of things (fuck you Annie) Levi ended up talking about his truck throughout most of the ride-along. Some of the buttons controlled shit that had to do with cleanup and emptying the truck at the end of the day so Levi couldn’t exactly show Eren. Not when he was only riding with him for about an hour before dropping him back off at his place. But he was able to tell Eren a lot, who looked pretty excited by all of this. He seemed to like staring at the camera best, still left in back-up mode.

"Hey, the popo's following you," Eren commented at one point.

"That's probably Marlow," Levi told him. Annoying but harmless. "If the officer has a shitty bowl cut, it's Marlow.”

Eren looked again then said, “Yup.”

“That little shit always follows me,” Levi explained. “He's hoping some poor bastard will leave their car out. He loves giving tickets."

"That guy," Eren mumbled distastefully. His frown softened. "We would have never met if not for that guy."

Now there was a gross thought. Thirty-four years of life and that fucking nerd _Marlow_ had been Levi’s best wingman. How disturbing. But he didn’t have long to think about that. Soon after Marlow started trawling after them Levi found himself turning the corner of Maple Street like he had so many months before. He pulled to a stop in front of Eren’s apartment building.

"Here's your stop," he announced as he threw the truck into park.

"Thanks for taking me along, that was really cool," Eren said. He leaned in and gave Levi a quick kiss before sliding out of the truck. "I'll see you soon!"

As Eren disappeared into his building, the squad car that had been trailing after him pulled up to the side of his truck. Marlow made the "roll down your window" sign. An annoyed sigh came from Levi's mouth as he rolled it down, ready for Marlow to be his usual pain-in-the-ass self.

"The fuck do you want?"

Marlow's nose wrinkled as he asked, "Are you supposed to be letting non-certified civilians into city-owned street sweepers?"

"Shut up, Marlow."


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are a lot of important things Levi realizes he's been neglecting to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added new tags. By the way, whichever one of you is anonymously reccing me on tumblr, I LOVE YOU. And since we're talking about tumblr, mine is unoriginaltitle.

After about the fifteenth ring, Levi had to accept the fact that whatever jackass was calling him wasn’t about to give up. He fished his vibrating phone out of his pocket so he could hold it out to the backseat. “David, tell me who the f… who’s calling.”

The weight disappeared from his hand; Levi put it back on the steering wheel and pulled into the parking lot ahead of him.

“It’s Mom,” David announced.

He didn’t really need to, since the next second Levi heard his sister’s voice coming over the speakerphone, “Are you guys there yet?”

The parking lot attendant walked up to Levi’s car and tapped on the window. Levi rolled it down while he told his sister, “No.” Levi handed a few bills over to the uniformed worker. A parking slip was handed to him in return. “We’re about to park.”

“Okay and David has all his stuff?”

In the rear view mirror, Levi could see his nephew’s eyes roll upward. That was new.

“I told you this morning I did!”

“Okay, I’ll be there in a few hours. Have fun!”

The sound of the phone call cutting off filled the car. Levi saw a parking spot and started to pull into it. Once he and his nephew had both gotten out of the car he asked him, “So. Are you excited about shooting today?”

“Yes!” David said. “I’ve been practicing! I love Oktoberfest!”

Levi had to repress a snort of laughter. “Oh you’ll love Oktoberfest for years and years to come.”

Of course, it was fun in different ways the older you got. And Levi was not talking about the shooting contests.

“Let’s go, let’s go!” David whined, tugging on Levi’s hand. “I wanna practice more on the shooting range!”

“Sure thing,” Levi said. He managed to slip his hand out of his nephew’s so he could dig around through his trunk. “But first put on some sunscreen. With your mom you’ll definitely turn into a big-ass lobster if you don’t.”

* * *

Isabel  
4:11  
I’m here where are you?

4:13  
Beer tent.

4:13  
Which one?

4:14  
Fuck if I know.

After being dragged all over the fairgrounds by a ten-year-old with endless energy, Levi had been grateful when David’s other friends showed up. He was more than happy to let him wander while they waited for their turn at the shooting contest so he could plop his ass down at the nearest beer tent, not giving a fuck which brand it was. Luckily for Levi, a glance over the crowd and he’d already spotted a familiar redhead.

4:17  
Look left.

He watched Isabel spin around in confusion before her eyes land on him and she called out, “Levi! There you are!” She made a quick detour to the cash register, then reappeared next to him with a plastic cup full of beer. “How are you?”

“Since this morning? Fine.”

Isabel poked him in the shoulder. “You’re such a butt sometimes!” she complained as she sat down next to him. She added, “I’m fine, by the way.”

“How are you?” Levi asked dryly, the hint well received. “How was work?”

Isabel beamed brighter than the fucking sun. “I’m getting a raise!” she declared, raising her beer in celebration. “Thirty-four whole cents an hour.”

Hearing those words filled him with a warm, bubbly feeling even beer couldn’t top. Levi was 100% genuine when he said, “That’s fucking awesome.”

They were all doing a lot better than that shit-tastic time they’d spent on the streets and in the shelter, but Levi still worried about his little sister. It was such a relief to hear there was another buffer between them slipping back into poverty, even if it was only a few cents raise.

“So I was looking at my new salary,” Isabel continued, “and I think I can take over paying for David’s shooting lessons.”

“No. I’ll keep handling it,” Levi insisted. Isabel frowned and opened her mouth. Levi cut her off, “Save that money for emergencies, I don’t mind paying. You never know what creative new way life is gonna fuck you over.”

Well, now he knew where David was getting that annoying eye-rolling habit from, Levi thought as Isabel made that exact same face at him.

“I don’t wanna rely on your forever.”

Levi would have said “You won’t” or some other comforting shit if his phone didn’t loudly blare the text message sound right then.

“I’m getting a pretzel,” Isabel said in a falsely cheery voice. “You want one too? I’ll get you one.”

And before Levi could say that he hated that salty crap she was gone. Goddammit. Levi glared at his phone and the fucker who interrupted.

Hange  
4:47  
Soooo a little birdie told me that your boyfriend visited you at work last week~  
Since everyone else got to meet him when is it my turn????

4:51  
Never.

4:51  
NO FAIR  
I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR BESTIE  
BUT ERWIN AND MIKE AND PETRA GOT TO MEET HIM FIRST  
IT’S MY TURN NOW I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE

Goddammit, there went Levi’s plans to postpone the Hange-and-Eren meeting as long as humanly possible. Now that Hange had it in their head that they wanted to meet him it would never fucking end. They didn’t have a key to his apartment but Levi wouldn’t put it past them to camp out in front of his building until they’d gotten a glimpse of Eren. And unfortunately, looking for a new apartment would be a pain in the ass. Not to mention Levi liked his current place. (Except for Nick. Nick could go to hell.)

Moving to a different state to prevent Hange meeting Eren was impossible. But Levi wanted at least a little bit of control over their first meeting. Some kind of compromise was in order.

4:58  
Not until he’s met my sister.

Somewhere, off in the distance, Levi could have sworn he heard a loud scream echo through the festival grounds.

“Didn't that kind of sound like your friend Hange?”

Oh. Isabel was back. She sat back down, cheesy pretzel in hand, pointing out, “You know, the really cool one who’s always giving David and me candy? I swear to God they scream just like that.”

Levi pitied the poor bastard (probably Moblit) who was closest to his friend right now. Of course, he also pitied himself when his phone buzzed again.

5:02  
OMFG YOU LOVE HIM  
You *never* introduce guys to Isabel!  
SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Through the confusion of trying to figure out what the fuck “squee” meant, Levi’s body still managed to find ways to ruin his life. Mainly by letting so much fucking blood rush to his face. He was a mess. A hot mess that was awfully tempted to be juvenile and type back “I do not”. But he couldn’t. Just thinking it made his stomach churn the way it does when food-poisoning-induced diarrhea was nigh. Levi’s fingers were frozen; they literally could not form the words. Because Hange was kind of right.

Maybe more than a little kind of right.

Okay, Hange was exactly on the money. Damn them for articulating that before Levi had the chance. Mostly out of annoyance, he typed,

5:11  
Do you even know how to text in any way that isn’t using caps lock?

5:12  
I can also do this (￣ω￣;)

“What are you glaring at your phone for, Big Bro? Hey you’re blushing!” The next second Levi felt a huge weight attach itself to his back. Grabby hands (one filled with pretzel and dangerously close to smearing fake cheese in his eyes) started waving in front of his face, trying to snatch his phone away. “What’re you looking at?”

“Hange’s just being an idiot,” Levi grunted. He held his phone far away from Isabel’s prying hands.

“They don’t usually manage to embarrass you, jeez, what’d they say?” Isabel demanded.

Fuck.

Telling Isabel what Hange was annoying him about required him telling her about Eren. Which he hadn’t done yet. And through a total accident that had not been his fault dammit he’d introduced his boyfriend to other people before even telling his flesh and blood that said boyfriend existed. Now that had seemed like a good idea when he still had no clue how well things would turn out with Eren since he didn’t want to get Isabel excited over nothing. But. Well.

Even Levi had enough self-awareness to realize that excuse was starting to sound like some Grade-A bullshit. It was sort of okay for the first few months but Levi had no excuse for not mentioning anything else to his sister earlier. Especially since he’d met Eren’s sister not that long ago. And somehow it hadn’t occurred to Levi’s miniscule brain to return the favor. That was a dick move. Not wanting to upset Isabel was a large part of why he hadn’t told her. But there was something else, something else that Levi had trouble admitting.

It was hard as fuck to introduce a boyfriend to your family. It meant that your relationship was changing forever and change was such a pants-shittingly terrifying thing sometimes. Maybe that was the reason Levi had put up a mental block finally saying the l-word that Hange was bugging the crap out of him about. Ruts were comfortable. Ruts meant not admitting that you were deeply affected by something, getting attached to somebody, and possibly setting yourself up for a world of hurt.

Except that now they’d been going out for … six months. Jesus, had it really been that long? Levi counted on his fingers. He’d met Eren in May and Oktoberfest was just about over. Yup. That was six months. Even though there had been times they’d fought in those six months Levi had mostly happy memories; those six months had been the happiest of his life. It sounded like a Hallmark card clichéd piece of fucking garbage, but it was true.

The weight on his back shifted. All of a sudden there was a hand waving in front of his eyes. Isabel was chanting, “Earth to Levi! Are you alive?”

Eren deserved better than Levi keeping him secret and putting up some bullshit about why he was doing it. He’d made a huge mistake to keep something this gigantic from his sister for six months. So he decided fuck it, time for the truth.

“Hange is teasing me about the man I’m in love with.”

Admitting that felt good. And them immediately shitty as Isabel slid off his back. Thank fuck she was still behind him and Levi didn’t have to look at what was probably a hurt look on his baby sister’s face. But there was no way Levi couldn’t _hear_ the hurt in her voice when she asked, “’In love’? When did you get a boyfriend?”

As tempting as lying to make Isabel feel better sounded, Levi knew with his luck someone would spill the beans and piss her off more when she found out. So Levi turned around in his seat to face Isabel, no matter the sucker-punched feeling from seeing his sister’s face scrunched up in anger. He said to her, “We met six months ago.”

She gaped. Levi felt even worse.

“And you didn’t _tell_ me?”

“If it wasn’t serious why bring it up?”

“Hmph!” And now Isabel was turning her back on him. He definitely deserved it, but that didn’t mean his stomach wasn’t turning with guilt.

“You get more depressed about my breakups than I do,” Levi reminded her. Which was true. All that other psychological constipation wasn’t anything he needed to dump on Isabel. This much would be fine. He hoped it would be fine. “Why would I want to upset my sister if we broke up right away?”

Isabel didn’t respond for a while. But the tension in her back seemed to be slipping away. When she spoke up again, she said, “I _guess_ that makes sense. A little. But you better introduce him to me soon!”

Relief washed over him. Levi agreed, “I will, I will.”

A huge weight was gone from his shoulders. Like the feeling of taking a huge dump after days of constipation.

“And tell me all about him!” Isabel continued. “On the way to the contest.”

Levi swore when he looked at his watch. The shooting contest was coming up fast. He and Isabel started walking toward the place where the younger kids were getting ready to shoot. Loud Oom Pah Pah music bled over from the nearby stage.

“So what do you want to know about him?” Levi offered.

“You could start with his name.”

“Smartass. His name is Eren Jaeger. He’s 24, likes to run, he’s a mortician—”

“What.”

“It’s only weird-as-fuck at first. You’ll get used to it.”

Isabel didn’t look convinced. She was still making a face when she asked, “What does he look like, Gomez Addams?”

That was uncalled for. Even if Gomez was sexy in his own way. Levi waited until they’d found seats for the contest before pulling out his phone again. He scrolled through his pictures, looking for one of Eren he could show his sister. Huh. He had saved a lot of Eren’s nudes but Levi didn’t have that many of just him. He needed to take more pictures of his beloved.

When Levi did find a clothed picture to show Isabel he felt smug as fuck watching her eyes pop open.

“Holy shit!”

A chorus of annoyed “shushes” came from the other parents.

“He’s _hot_ ,” Isabel said, ignoring them. “I’m kinda jealous, Bro. Even with my cutie at the garage.”

Levi didn’t answer that because he didn’t know how to do it without gloating about his amazing boyfriend (or feeling big brotherly concern about Isabel developing feelings for the punk at the garage). Lucky for him, the leader of the shooting contest took up the microphone to announce it was beginning.

And, in Levi’s completely unbiased opinion as uncle, David was definitely the best shot amongst those kids. Just look at that badass stance. David more than deserved that medal and Levi made sure to tell him, “I’m proud of you,” after the kids were released from the shooting.

“Me too!” Isabel said, hugging her son tightly.

David’s voice was muffled by Isabel’s hugging but Levi could still hear the, “Can we get food?”

A sign caught his eye as the family walked down the aisles of food booths. One of the booths was from Sasha’s Deli. No fucking way. They had to eat there. Neither Isabel nor David took any convincing to get into the long line; the longest line had to be for the best food, right?

As they were waiting in line, Isabel grabbed Levi’s arm and said, “Hey, Bro. Isn’t that your boyfriend at the counter?”

A look at the front of the line showed that yes, that was Eren, behind the counter serving food. That was kind of weird. Although it would explain why Eren was always busy lately on weekends. When Eren had told Levi he’d be at Oktoberfest, he thought Eren meant he was partying his ass off, not working. Especially since Eren’s work usually involved more corpses.

Isabel gazed hopefully at the front of the line and asked, “Do you think he’d skip us to the front?”

“Fuck no,” Levi replied immediately. Eren cared too much about fairness to do something like that. They’d be sticking out this line for a while.

“Too bad,” Isabel muttered. “No perks.”

Levi took a few steps forward in the line. “Maybe he’ll get me a free embalming when I die.” That would actually be a great perk. For his family at least. Last he heard funerals were disgustingly expensive.

“Do you think morticians do the funerals of their families? Seems like it would be too sad.”

“Ask him.”

“I will!”

And that’s when it hit Levi that Eren and Isabel were going to meet. _In a few minutes_. Suddenly Levi wasn’t hungry anymore. And he had a new appreciation for Eren’s guts. Each step forward in the line felt like walking through quicksand. This introducing-your-sister-to-your-boyfriend business was like torture. It was going to fucking suck if his sister and his boyfriend hated each other.

Time did some fucked up thing where each agonizing moment of the wait seemed to take for-fucking-ever and yet before Levi knew it he was watching Eren’s eyes light up when he saw him.

“Levi!”

And then there was the confusion when he saw Isabel. His gaze traveled down at David, who was too busy admiring his medal to notice the tension. After a few awkward moments of silence Eren seemed to connect the dots and said, “You must be Isabel.”

“Well I’m glad Levi’s _told you about me_.” That was accompanied with a pointed look.

Eren still looked kind of confused. Levi didn’t give him the chance to question _that_ and quickly asked, “What do you think is the shit here? What should we order?”

Eren leaned in close; Isabel and Levi followed. “Don’t tell anyone,” Eren whispered, “but Sasha has a special wurst I’m only supposed to give out to family.” He sent a wink Levi’s way. “But I’ll make an exception for you.”

“Yes!” Isabel quietly whisper-shouted. Eren had just handed over their plates when a cheery looking woman in a dirndl showed up. And a guy with one of the weirdest looking haircuts Levi had ever seen. Why the fuck was only the top dyed blond? And why did he feel like there was something familiar about that? Levi was so busy staring at the haircut he didn’t notice when Eren shed his apron while talking to the dirndl woman.

He did notice when Isabel said, “You should totally join us.”

What?

“I’d love to join you guys for dinner! Just lemme just get a plate.”

Oh, why the fuck not? They were already here and awkward. In a way, it was a relief that Isabel was helming this situation. Levi only had to go with the embarrassing flow. It was also a good thing they were still the last in line with all the time this was taking. He’d hate to be in line behind them.

“Hey, Eren, don’t eat us out of house and home,” Two-Tone scolded as Eren heaped his plate with sauerkraut. Dirndl-woman rolled her eyes. (The hell was it, National Roll-Your-Eyes Day?)

“Don’t be such a bean counter, Jean-bo! Take however much you want, Eren. And thanks again for watching the booth.”

“No problem, I had a blast,” Eren insisted. After shedding his hair net and gloves, Eren joined Levi’s family on the other side of the cash register. “Oh yeah! Sasha, Jean, I want you guys to meet my boyfriend, Levi.”

Their eyes bugged. Levi hoped that was a good thing. Like they were amazed at Eren’s good luck in the boyfriend department, and not appalled by his crappiness.

“And this is his sister Isabel and nephew David. This is my friend Sasha. That asshole over there is Jean.”

Jean sputtered indignantly while Sasha laughed. Ah, so that’s why his awful hair had sounded so fucking familiar. He’d heard Eren whine about this frenemy more than once. Eren looked pretty pleased with himself for having the last word in that. At least, until they were almost at the picnic tables where Eren suddenly clapped a hand over his mouth. His voice was muffled as he groaned out, “I shouldn’t have said that in front of your kid!”

Isabel waved it off. “Don’t worry, Eren, with Levi for an uncle he’s already heard way worse.”

Eren relaxed with a laugh. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.”

What the hell, he tried around his nephew. Levi didn’t deserve this. Except. Okay, maybe he did a little. He hadn’t been great to Isabel lately.

The group finally sat down with their food at one of the picnic tables, Levi trying to repress his horror at how sticky the table was. Fucking disgusting. Eren passed him some napkins—God bless that man—so at least he could hide the sticky spots from view. Meanwhile David was staring curiously at Eren.

“Why are we eating dinner with the cashier?” he asked.

“Because Eren here is actually my boyfriend,” Levi said. David squinted at him.

“Oh,” he said. “Okay.” And then went back to trying to cut up his wurst.

Isabel waved her fork at Eren, a piece of sausage speared on the end as she said, “Thanks again for this secret wurst! It’s the best thing I’ve ever eaten!”

Levi had to be grateful about that. Not only because he’d already tried a piece and it _was_ fucking delicious, but also because Eren had accidentally stumbled onto the easiest way to make it into Isabel’s good graces: offer her delicious food. It’s how Hange had managed it.

“Sasha butchers and cures all her meat herself. It’s nuts,” Eren agreed. “She works so hard. That’s why I’ve been helping her run her Oktoberfest booth lately.”

“I was wondering why you were spending so much time at Oktoberfest,” Levi said. “I was starting to think you had a problem.”

Eren shook his head and said, “Nah, just helping my friend out. So she and her husband can step away from the booth a while and walk around.”

“I am so jealous,” Isabel said with a mouth stuffed full of wurst.

“I’m jealous of Jean too,” Eren sighed. “She cooks for him every day. Just don’t ever tell him I said that.”

“My lips are sealed,” Isabel promised. Eren sent a pointed look Levi’s way.

“Why do you think I’d tell?” Levi asked. Eren kept up that fierce gaze so he just agreed, “Never gonna tell him.”

The four of them went back to eating in silence. Levi was rescued from the tense-as-fuck atmosphere by Isabel. She set her elbow on the table and leaned in on the palm of her hand and said, “My brother tells me you’re a mortician.”

Well, between the two of them she’d always been the one with people skills.

“That’s right,” Eren replied. Levi just barely noticed him straightening slightly in his seat. “I’m almost half done with the last year of my apprenticeship. In May I can take the licensing exam.”

“Cool, cool. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Do morticians do the funerals of their families?”

“I know a few people who have.”

“Isn’t it depressing?”

Eren was quiet for a few moments. “I don’t know if I’d want to trust someone else with a person I love since I know how to do it right.”

“I think I know what you mean,” Isabel nodded. “I can’t imagine sending my car to another garage. And cars don’t mean anything compared to actual people.”

Eren nodded.

“What else do you do?” Isabel asked. “Besides poke around dead bodies?”

Levi tuned out Eren’s introductions (he already knew what his boyfriend liked) to focus on his plate of wurst. Jesus fuck, it was delicious. Those market wursts couldn’t compare. He was starting to envy Jean-nie Two-Tone, too, shitty hair and all. Lucky Eren. Surrounded by fucking professional chefs.

He was pulled back into the conversation when he heard Isabel say, “I don’t have a lot of free time but when I do I like to box.” She aimed a few practice punches in the air in front of Eren’s face. “So watch out if you ever break my brother’s heart.”

“I don’t think that’ll happen,” Eren said. He was still sitting far back on the bench out of reach of Isabel’s fists. One hand was close enough to reach out and grasp Levi’s hand tightly. “I like him a lot.”

Levi was proud of himself that the angelic smile Eren turned toward him didn’t send him into cardiac arrest. He even managed to stay upright even though that look made him want to bury his face into this disgusting table. His face didn’t even feel that flaming hot from his blushing.

But he probably still looked like a fool because David called out, “Ew, gross!” and made a face at their interlocked fingers.

“David!” Isabel gasped. “That isn’t very nice!”

“Don’t worry,” Levi said. He looked over at Eren. His mouth was overflowing with verbal diarrhea again but it felt so good to say, “You won’t think it’s so gross when you fall in love someday.”

The grip Eren had on Levi’s hand tightened so hard with excitement he was pretty sure he’d have bruises. But seeing the happy look on Eren’s face, Levi couldn’t find it in himself to give fewer fucks.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are made; some of them don't turn out so great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that Ereri week is over, and I have both graduated from my university and become an unemployed bum, I have time to write! Hopefully the last scene will make up for my long absence. ;)
> 
> Also be warned that this is the chapter to which my "brief descriptions of minor character deaths" tag applies.

“Levi, have you ever been to a strip club?”

Levi finished hammering the nail he was holding before asking, “Is this part of those birthday plans you’re making?”

When he looked over, he saw Eren cock his head. “Huh?”

“Because if you’re planning on getting me a birthday lap dance, I’d rather it be from you than some sweaty, coked-out stranger.”

Eren turned pink.

“No, that’s not—well, I _could_ give you a birthday lap dance if you want, it probably won’t be that great ‘cuz I’m no dancer. I was asking because I’m trying to plan Mikasa’s bachelorette party since I’m the best man.” Eren looked down in the notebook he’d been scribbling in. “I figured strip clubs were standard bachelor party things, but I’ve never been. How different is a bachelorette party supposed to be from a bachelor party anyway?”

“The hell should I know?” Levi shrugged. He went back to digging through his toolbox. Damn thing needed to be organized. “I’ve been to a few bachelor parties but I’ve never known a woman who was getting married.”

Wait. That was actually a lie, but Levi had been five when Kuchel got engaged. Five was way too young to know shit about the bachelorette party she probably wasn’t allowed to have.

The level in Levi’s hand hit the bookshelf he was working on so hard Eren screamed in shock.

“Sorry,” Levi grunted. He tried to straighten the level and focus on the bubble. It had been a while since this had happened to him.

“How can you do that right now?” Eren said. The springs in the couch squeaked obscenely as he presumably flopped over like a dead fish. “My back still hurts from yesterday, aren’t you sore?”

“I can’t stand looking at your broken bookshelf anymore,” Levi answered. That thing had been driving him nuts for weeks. A glance at his level showed the bubble was perfectly in the middle so Levi scooped it up and announced, “Your bookshelf’s fixed.”

“Thanks,” Eren said that bright smile that still made Levi’s heart skip a beat.

He sat up long enough for Levi to join him on the couch before lying back down in his lap. Levi thought about that pretty flushed face and decided, “I’m gonna hold you to that birthday lap dance.”

“I’ll work on it,” Eren promised, red-faced. “I’ve still got a week!”

He started playing around with his phone so Levi turned on the TV. Ah, his good old friend house flipping shows and a lap full of Eren. Even his impending 35th, starting-to-get-close-to-the-40s birthday couldn’t bring him down now.

* * *

Levi had just finished his morning cup of tea when he heard a key scrape in the lock. He was more than a little proud that he didn’t jump this time.

“Happy birthmas!” Eren cried out as he entered the apartment. Levi was getting used to that. Well, he wasn’t used to that hideous tangled lump of red and green yard hanging off his boyfriend’s shoulders. It was lighting up and blinking various colors. The ugliness of Eren’s Christmas sweater was so powerful it took him a while to notice the sprig of mistletoe in his boyfriend’s hand. Eren held it up in the air and waggled his bushy eyebrows.

Levi thought about side-stepping him, but this was the first time in decades someone had done something for him, _just_ for him, on his actual birthday. Even family had always been caught up in the Christmas shit. At least, after the step-asshole had moved in. Even if he struggled with the words, at least a kiss could show some of the appreciation.

Once their lips had separated with a pop Levi insisted, “Let’s hit the road.”

“You might have to drive,” Eren replied woozily. Considering Eren’s usual modus operandi of driving like a Formula One racer, Levi was fine with that. They were flying down the interstate by the time Eren recovered from the kiss.

“So I was thinking Mikasa might like it better if we went to a casino instead of a strip club,” Eren explained. “For her bachelorette party.”

Sounded like a good idea to Levi. “Casino bachelor parties are nice. She can recoup some of her wedding costs if she’s lucky.” He still remembered winning big when he was dragged along on Erwin’s bachelor party.

“Oh, she will,” Eren said. “Mikasa has the best poker face, and I think she counts cards at the blackjack tables. She won’t tell me though.”

“Hey, if you win money you can always hire some strippers if you want to make the party more traditional.”

Eren shuddered and said, “I think Annie might actually kill me if I hire strippers. I spent Christmas Eve with them and Annie made some very creative threats.”

“I’m guessing Annie’s not getting strippers either.”

Eren shook his head. “Mina’s taking us to an adventure course for the day. I think I need to step it up with Mikasa’s party.”

They bounced around ideas to make the casino trip better—Eren wanted to see a magic show, Levi voted for the helicopter tour of Vegas—trying to entertain themselves for the hours it took, plus an intense search to find a place open for lunch (they ended up getting microwave snacks at a convenience store. “Sorry,” Eren said when they exited the store. “I forgot restaurants aren’t open on Christmas!”), to get to the little seaside town Eren had insisted on taking Levi to see for his birthday.

“This town is great!” Eren insisted as they stepped out of the car. “It’s a nice quiet place to relax. And it’s far south enough to be not too cold.”

True. It wasn’t sweaty-ballsack hot, but it was still warm enough that he was glad Eren had warned him to bring clothes for hot weather. The heat also had the advantage of forcing Eren to shed his fugly Christmas sweater. He and Levi both changed after they checked into their motel so they could head out to the beach.

The beach was deserted. It was great to be able to move down to the water without having to dodge sunbathers and screaming children throwing sand around. Once he’d kicked his shoes off, Eren immediately charged knee-deep into the water, whooping cheerfully. Levi hung back. He couldn’t stop the stupid smile on his face watching his boyfriend frolic so joyfully.

“I love the ocean!” Eren proclaimed.

“I see that.”

Eren held out a hand, and asked, “Don’t you wanna come in? It’s not that cold!”

In his thirty-five years Levi had never actually stepped foot in the ocean. Sure, he’d _been_ to the beach a handful of times, but he’d never gotten into the water. It seemed gross as fuck all full of bacteria and whale shit, but Eren had such an angelic smile on his face. Levi was probably going to regret it when he caught some water-borne disease and shit himself to death, but he took off his shoes so he could step forward into the wet sand anyway.

A wave rushed at his feet and he resisted jumping in shock when the cold water washed over his ankles. With the sun bearing down on them, it actually did feel kind of nice. Eren squeezing his hand didn’t feel half-bad either.

“Wanna go walk toward the cliffs?” Eren asked.

“Sure.”

Levi tried not to think about what might be swimming in the water they splashed through walking toward the cliff. The beach curved around and the northernmost shore looked like someone had dumped a shit-ton of rocks on it. Little brown birds barely bigger than tennis balls skittered in and out of the waves the closer they got to the rocky shore while seagulls swooped above them.

Being out in nature with Eren was really enjoyable. Levi was reminded about their many hikes closer to home as he and his boyfriend climbed through the rocks and looked for tide pools. Eren was the nature master as usual, enthusiastically pointing out every snail and anemone. When he found a hideous worm Levi yanked his feet out of the tide pool.

“I’m not touching that shitty water again,” he warned Eren, who was laughing like a jackass. “Or _you_ until you wash your hands!”

“Don’t worry, this species only eats other worms, not people.”

That was _not_ reassuring.

“Why the hell do you know so much about these worms?”

“I spent a lot of time here as a kid,” Eren explained. “My parents used to take Mikasa and me here all the time for vacation. There wasn’t that much to do but ride bikes or look at the animals.”

That was kinda weird. Eren didn’t really talk about his parents. He’d off-handedly mentioned they “weren’t around” but they didn’t come in up conversation much. Levi figured that meant they were either pushing daisies or jackasses. More than enough personal experience with _that_ was the reason he’d never asked Eren more about them.

Eren finally set the cannibal worm back down in the tide pool before continuing, “I was actually planning on becoming a marine biologist until I was nine. That’s when I changed my mind and went into mortuary science.”

Given how long he’d been in this relationship with Eren, Levi had more than gotten used to the idea that his boyfriend embalmed corpses for a living. But this twist was new. It took Levi a minute to get over his stupefaction. When he did, he practically yelped, “ _What the hell kind of nine-year-old decides to be a mortician?_ ”

“Not a very normal one,” Eren replied. They sat quietly on the rocks for a while. “I never did tell you why I wanted to become a mortician, did I?”

“That’s right, you didn’t. You lured me into that first date and then never told me.”

Eren laid his head on Levi’s shoulder, and made those big puppy eyes when he said, “But you had fun, didn’t you?”

Levi poked Eren’s arm and insisted, “Bait and switch.”

“I didn’t mean to lead you on or anything,” Eren said. “I would have told you, I’ve just been told not to tell this to people I meet right away because what made me choose this is kind of a downer story.”

Levi vaguely remembered Eren saying something like that the first time they’d talked after saving Eren from that ticket. Of course he’d wondered, but that was more at the beginning when it was still weird. He’d stopped give any fucks about the mortician thing months ago.

Judging by the determined look on Eren’s face, he was ready to share so Levi quietly listened as Eren began, “It’s not that exciting, but here it is: When I was nine, Mikasa’s parents died in an accident. Her parents and mine were really good friends, so my folks adopted her because she didn’t have any other family.

“My parents had to take care of the Ackermans’ funeral too, no one else could do it. I ended up spending a lot of time around the mortician with my parents and I just really started to admire the guy. He was so composed the whole time while the rest of us were all a wreck. He took care of everything for Mikasa’s parents, and he looked after us too. He was amazing. So I decided I wanted to be a mortician too, so I could help people when they need it most.”

It took Levi a few minutes to come up with words for that. He decided on, “You’re something else, Eren Jaeger.”

Most people picked a job that would make them happy. Or were forced to take crappy jobs because life sucked sometimes (Levi was living proof of that). There weren’t a whole lot of selfless people who chose a bitch of a career because they wanted to make other people happy. What had he done to deserve this angel descending on his life?

Maybe it was life’s way of making up for his shitty childhood.

“Is that a good ‘something else’?” Eren asked. Levi awkwardly patted Eren’s hand (the one that hadn’t been fishing around in the tide pools for worms anyway).

“If it were a bad ‘something else’ I would have run screaming for the hills a long time ago,” Levi reassured him.

“I can’t imagine you screaming,” Eren said. A sly smile took over his face as he leaned in and whispered, “Except in bed anyway” in Levi’s ear.

Levi shoved him. “If you want to hear _any_ kind of screaming tonight that lap dance better be fucking good.”

Eren’s face set itself into a determined grimace. “I’ll do my best.”

He laid his head back on Levi’s shoulder and this time he didn’t shrug him off. They watched the waves crash on the rocks, occasionally getting a face full of salty ocean spray. Levi had to hand it to Eren. This _was_ really relaxing. No wonder people got those white noise machines. Even their asses going numb didn’t faze Levi watching the water wash rhythmically over the shore.

“Hey,” Eren mumbled as they watched the sun start to go down over the water. “Are you having a fun birthday?”

Except for that disastrous lunch, “Yeah, I am.”

“Good.”

Sitting there, a thought occurred to him.

“Eren, what do you want for your birthday?” he asked. Much as Levi appreciated Eren’s attempts, he wanted some time to make sure he didn’t screw up his birthday in the same way. “It’s kind of coming up.”

Eren made a face before saying, “I’ll let you know. Right now I’m too busy helping Mikasa plan her wedding to think about me.”

Levi had no idea when Mikasa’s wedding was (soon, judging by all the wedding talk the last time she’d had him and Eren over for dinner) but hopefully he’d have enough time to do something nice for Eren. At least his boyfriend’s birthday wasn’t a worldwide holiday so even if he didn’t tell Levi what he wanted to do until the week of, he’d still be in the clear.

Unless Eren wanted a trip to Paris or something. _That_ he couldn’t do last minute. (Or at all with his finances.)

“Once she gives you a reprieve from her wedding start thinking about it.”

“That should be kind of soon,” Eren answered. “My parents are getting back three weeks before the wedding and my mom says she’ll relieve me of some of the stuff I’ve been helping with.”

It slipped out before Levi could stop himself. “Your parents are alive?”

Eren jerked upright. “Of course they’re alive!” he cried out. “Did you think they were dead?”

What else was he supposed to think? “You’ve never said jack about your parents so I thought they were dead. Or assholes.”

Maybe he was just being crazy and the darkness of the setting sun was making him see things, but it seemed as if Eren had stiffened, just a little before he said, “No, they’re alive and well. They’re both in Africa doing Doctors Without Borders stuff. They took an early retirement and put their medical skills to use there.”

“So that’s what you meant when you said they ‘weren’t around’?”

“Uh huh.”

Oh. That made sense. They literally weren’t around. Levi had kinda jumped to conclusions on that one.

“So, your parents are coming to visit you soon.”

What a pants-shittingly horrifying thought. If Eren’s parents were coming here, _what if he had to meet them?_ Levi had never been introduced to a boyfriend’s parents before. It had been stressful enough to meet Eren’s sister. The pressure of trying to convince your boyfriend’s parents you were good enough for their son… Levi had fuck all experience trying to do that.

He got the feeling he would fail if he tried.

At least he’d already gotten approval of Eren from the only family he had that mattered.

“Um,” Eren said softly. “So what do your parents do?”

A sick feeling erupted in his stomach at those words. Levi could feel his pulse racing uncomfortably. Fuck, he’d been dreading the time when this would come up. He never talked about his family to anyone and he really didn’t want to start now. He thought long and hard about just lying to Eren because it’d be a hell of a lot easier.

But the thought of being dishonest with Eren made him feel even worse.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Eren said quickly.

“You’d find out sooner or later,” Levi shrugged. He still felt sick, but he also felt like he could trust Eren. He felt bare when he started with, “This story’s depressing as shit too. My father skipped out on us before I was born, so God knows what that fucker’s doing now. Mom had to pay the bills by stripping and probably worse than that that I never saw. That’s how she met my jackass of a stepfather. He’s one of those holier-than-thou types who was prowling strip clubs trying to ‘save’ the Jezebels and.

“Well, my mom had had a really shitty life up until then so I’m not surprised she fell for his ‘Jesus will make everything better!’ bullshit with how bad we wanted to get out of the projects. She married him, they had Isabel, and the step-asshole always hated me. He’d pretend he was being awful for my sake, like he was only doing it because he was looking out for my salvation or some shit like that. The day I turned 18 he let me know he wanted me out and I was more than happy to leave. She’s still with him. We don’t talk much.”

In fact, the last time Levi recalled talking to her was last year on his birthday. Isabel was the one who talked more to her, and that was because she had David. The sting of Kuchel essentially choosing _him_ over her own children was one that hadn’t died down much over the years. Levi knew she had tendency to end up in abusive relationships (unsurprising given what he knew about her childhood) so it wasn’t that she did it because she was a bad person. That knowledge didn’t make it hurt less that at some point she’d given up on life, her spark had died, and the fallout for Levi and Isabel was shit.

He was shaken from his thoughts by a sudden pressure around him. Eren was squeezing him so hard it hurt.

“That _really_ sucks. I’m so sorry Levi,” Eren said. Levi didn’t say anything. He kind of couldn’t, he was having trouble breathing since his boyfriend was wrapped around him like a boa constrictor. “I keep finding new ways to wreck your birthday.”

“Damn straight,” Levi wheezed and managed to pry Eren off him enough to catch a breath. “You’re practically killing me.”

Eren looked so guilty Levi regretted saying that.

“I’ve had much shittier birthdays, believe me,” Levi tried to assure him. Sadly enough, this one was in the top tier of birthdays. Eren probably needed to hear that. “I’ve never had a birthday trip before. It’s pretty cool.”

Eren didn’t look too convinced, but Levi stood up anyway. “I’m starving. Let’s get dinner. And then I believe you owe me something.”

* * *

Dinner turned out to be even more of a pain in the ass than lunch. Eren scratched the back of his head as they passed another closed restaurant and muttered, “I did not plan this well enough.”

Levi couldn’t blame him. He usually spent the day at home or with Isabel. He’d never realized just how much shit was closed on Christmas.

“Too bad there are no Chinese restaurants here,” Levi said.

Eren straightened before announcing, “Well, next year I’ll do better!”

Oh, how it made Levi’s heart throb wildly to hear that. After the shitty emotion-fest they’d suffered earlier, it felt fucking amazing to be talking about the future, one that they both hoped to share together. Although the future would hopefully contain fewer shitty supermarket snacks for Christmas dinner. And if he was lucky, more of Eren nervously standing in front of Levi, sitting on a chair, getting ready for his lap dance.

“You can take your shirt off,” Eren instructed him before grabbing the hem of his own T-shirt. Levi unbuttoned his slowly, too occupied watching Eren’s abs flex as he wriggled out of his shirt to take care of his own. “And no touching!”

Fuck, this was gonna destroy him, wasn’t it?

His blood was already pumping like crazy as he watched Eren slip out of his jeans, leaving him in only his boxers. He’d apparently worn his tightest pair and Levi had to take a moment to send thanks heavenward that he was dating a man who looked like he could be an underwear model. And there was no Photoshop on that bulge, it was all real and all his.

Despite some obvious nerves, there was a determined look on Eren’s face as he flicked through his phone, apparently searching for something.

“Ah ha!” he cried out and tapped the phone screen. The speaker he’d brought roared to life with a sensual rhythm.

Yup, assured destruction.

Levi watched Eren’s face, the tension slowly melting away the longer the music played. The hypnotic rhythm was putting the two of them under a spell where it was impossible to give a fuck about anything but each other. When Eren’s eyes met his again, smoldering intensely Levi felt his whole body growing hot.

Tortuously slowly, Eren started to walk toward him, every movement dripping with confidence. He stepped behind Levi and stopped. Then Eren’s hands were draped over his shoulder, running down his chest and back up his sides. Eren’s hot breath was tickling his neck and Levi could just imagine his back arching as he bent low to run his hands up and down his chest again.

He missed the touch when it stopped. But Eren more than made up for it when he circled around Levi again and faced him, putting his hands on Levi’s knees. Eren looked him dead in the eye as their foreheads almost brushed. He spread Levi’s legs apart and languidly dropped to his knees between them. Levi swallowed hard watching Eren arch his back again, letting his shoulders move in a deliberate, sexy circle.

The hands on his thighs squeezed as Eren used him to pull himself back up to a standing position. Levi got a face full of nipple when Eren leaned in close to him and he could see how hard they’d gotten. Especially when Eren pinched his own nipples, letting out a low moan.

Oh fuck, he was hard, he was so fucking hard. Eren smiled as he leaned back. He turned, letting Levi get a good look at his back. Watching his back muscles contract was so sexy Levi almost missed it when Eren planted his hands on his ass. He heard the slap, look down, and saw the glorious sight of Eren digging his own fingers into his ass and leaning forward.

Levi swore. His arms _ached_ with how bad he wanted to reach out and slap that round butt. His hands were outstretched before he knew it. He only grasped air, because Eren turned around, clicked his tongue when he saw him, and grabbed his wrists.

“No touching,” he gasped, shoving Levi’s arms behind the chair. “Don’t make me tie you up.”

He could, he definitely could and he’d never hear a complaint from Levi, only worship. He gripped the back of the chair, willing himself not to reach out again for that sexy body.

“Good boy,” Eren murmured and Christ, Levi could feel the damp spot forming on his underwear. He squirmed uncomfortably in the chair, eyes glued to Eren’s body. There was a high possibility he’d come in his own pants if Eren kept twisting his hips like that.

The music pulsed and Eren seemed to have had his fill of teasing his helpless boyfriend. He smacked Levi’s thigh, and when he pushed his legs back together Eren turned around again. Finally, fucking _finally_ , he sat down on Levi’s lap. His thighs felt like they were burning where Eren was grinding his ass on him.

It was almost painful how slowly Eren rotated his hips. The drag on Levi’s legs burned, sent even more blood rushing to his woefully untouched dick. Eren slid up Levi’s thighs and Levi almost cried when he felt Eren’s ass rub up against his dick. He was definitely moaning now, loudly.

Levi was dying to break the “no touching” rule again when Eren stood up. His legs felt so cold and his arms itched to pull Eren’s warmth back down to him. But he made himself hold the chair tight, knuckles white, until Eren sat back down, facing him this time. His boyfriend’s face was all flushed and his mouth hung open, panting with the effort of grinding his hips against Levi’s. Eren’s arms were wound tight around Levi’s shoulders and he could feel Eren’s boner when his chest rubbed against Levi’s. Levi was losing his goddammned mind with how good it felt to have Eren grinding on him.

The music petered off right when he felt like he was on the edge. Levi was left frustrated, with a lap full of sweaty, panting Eren.

“Was it okay?” he asked, the nervous look back on his face.

Levi practically wheezed.

“’Was it okay’?” he repeated in disbelief. “Where did you even learn that, Eren, it was more than fucking okay and you better hurry up and fuck me _right now_.”

Eren turned pink. “I watched a lot of Youtube videos on how to give a lapdance,” he said while digging around in his backpack, pulling out a huge box of condoms. Every other negative thing that had happened today disappeared from Levi’s mind and all he could concentrate on was his wonderful boyfriend and how well he could send Levi to the moon.

Without a doubt this was the best fucking birthday Levi had ever had.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luck visits people in a lot of different forms.

Giving into things because Eren turned those damned doe eyes on him was starting to ruin Levi’s life. Namely because after giving in so many times he’d become weak as hell to the doe-eyed look. It didn’t matter who shot it his way now, it worked. Hange, that bastard, had apparently figured this out because when Levi looked through his peephole one Saturday afternoon and saw them, they suddenly turned that exact look on him, channeling Eren’s face perfectly.

Levi couldn’t have refused to open the door if he’d tried.

He’d never seen Hange make that face until they’d met Eren. Levi blamed him for that, because this was how he’d ended up opening his apartment to Hange even though they’d dropped by completely by surprise.

"It's been too long!" Hange declared loudly as they entered the apartment, kicking off their shoes. A clump of dirt flew off. "Look Levi, I remembered your shoe rule."

His arms itched to grab his Swiffer and destroy that hunk of dirt. But first he had to know, "What about the call-before-you-invade-my-house rule?"

Hange ignored him and walked further into his apartment.

"I saw Eren’s Instagram, I know he's in Vegas for the weekend. I wouldn't risk interrupting you two lovebirds if he was here," Hange said. Their face lit up and their eye twitched in a series of lurid winks as they added, "And speaking of Eren’s Instagram, that was a _very_ cute pic from your marathon last week."

"Why are you here?" Levi asked. He was proud of the way he managed not to flush at the thought of Hange stalking the many, many couples photos Eren was so fond of posting to Instagram.

Hange flopped onto his couch before exclaiming, "Duh! Because I wanna check on my bestie! Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy you're dating Eren because you're less of a grump when you're getting laid. But I do miss getting together whenever we felt like it."

"We get together plenty," Levi said. "We do lunch all the time."

"Usually when you guys are fighting," Hange pointed out, an exaggerated pout distorting their face. "So I thought let's get together for a happy reason for once! C’mon, let’s go out!"

Levi had known Hange long enough to tell their theatrical I’m-pretending-to-be-mad-to-get-shit-to-go-my-way pout apart from their real upset face. _That_ one made them look crazed and was a little terrifying. Still, Levi felt a little shitty about letting his friendship with Hange fall by the wayside. So he joined Hange on the couch and asked, “And what’s this happy reason?”

Hange beamed, then squealed, “I got the grant I applied for!”

Considering how much Hange had slaved over that application, all the late night calls for support, and gallons of daily coffee to get through the paperwork, Levi knew how much that meant to them. Levi felt proud of his friend and said, “Great job Hange.”

Hange nodded furiously.

“I’m finally getting my new machines,” they gushed happily. “Erwin is thrilled. We’re going out later tonight with Mike to celebrate, you better come! I _know_ you’re not busy.”

“Fine,” Levi agreed. It _had_ been a while.

Hange batted their eyelids and said, “Treat me to a makeup dinner first?”

“Now you’re milking it.”

“Damn straight.”

* * *

Levi paid for dinner anyway. Not that he’d risk damaging his eardrums with the deafening shriek he’d suffer if he admitted it out loud, but he had missed Hange a little. They were a great friend (even if sometimes they needed to be taken in small doses).

Levi drew the line at buying Hange’s drinks once Mike and Erwin had roped them into karaoke via text.

“I need to pay my rent on time,” Levi insisted, ignoring Hange’s fake-ass pouting as the two of them walked up to the karaoke bar. “You can drink yourself out of _your_ house and home, not mine.”

He was cut off by Erwin exclaiming, “Levi!” as he saw Hange and Levi arrive at the bar. Erwin nodded at him, adding, “It’s been a while since we’ve seen _you_.”

It hadn’t been that long, his friends were all a bunch of drama queens.

“Where’s Eren?” Mike asked.

“Vegas, the lucky punk!” Hange butted in.

“What’s he doing in Vegas?” Erwin asked.

“It’s his sister’s bachelorette party,” Levi explained.

“Oh I didn’t know his sister was getting married.”

“You’d know if you had to hang out with her for longer than five minutes,” Levi said. He didn’t blame Mikasa for having a one-track mind lately, wedding planning seemed like a life-encompassing bitch. So did the house stacked high with boxes stuffed with wedding supplies. Levi would have been worried that Mikasa was turning into some kind of hoarder if he didn’t know better.

The group settled with their drinks into a booth. Hange was insisting, “You know what, it’s been a while since I went to Vegas! We should have a buddy weekend there sometime!”

“Yes!” Mike cheered. Levi hoped this wouldn’t get as crazy as his bachelor party had, it had taken a while to get the taste of stripper navel out of his mouth after those body shots (first and last one he ever did). Not even alcohol cleansed the fucking glitter away, he’d been barfing that shit up the next day. Well, now that Mike and Erwin were married neither of them could party _too_ hard. Levi hoped.

Plus Erwin couldn’t risk the bad press from raunchy photos of Vegas mishaps floating around. That should protect him from another epic hangover like last time. Thank God he became a public servant, Levi thought as they got their drinks.

“Wait!” Hange yelped, almost knocking over Levi’s vodka trying to keep him from taking a sip. “We have to toast! We’re here to celebrate after all!”

They all held their drinks up and waited for Hange.

“To science!” they said seriously. Levi hoped no one else had heard that as he clinked his glass against his friends’ drinks. That lame cry must have unleashed something in them because Hange and Erwin started babbling on about garbage and science. He and Mike exchanged looks.

“Sometimes I think it’s not even the same fucking language we’re speaking,” Levi said.

Mike nodded and took a sip of his beer before asking, “Did you see the fight yesterday?”

“Fuck yeah,” Levi answered. “Eren and I watched it before he had to leave for Vegas. Rousey was amazing, like always.”

Mike’s moustache twitched before he went back to talking about the fight. Levi shrugged it off and helped Mike egg on his husband until he agreed to be the first of their group to hit the stage.

“His inner Barbara Streisand really comes out with the wine,” Hange mentioned as Erwin sang. They pushed Levi’s glass up to his mouth, saying, “Drink, drink! I wanna get you up there!”

“Hange, if you make me spill this drink I fucking swear to God I’ll channel Ronda Rousey and armbar the hell out of you!”

He drank it anyway. To prevent spills, of course. A buzzing from his pocket almost had him distracted enough to drop his glass, but Levi managed to wait until Hange headed out for the stage to take Erwin’s place before fishing his phone out. He didn’t need Hange’s shrieking when he checked on the message Eren had sent him. (Seriously, Eren texted him all the time, Levi didn’t get why Hange still flipped out over every single one. Neither did his heart, apparently.)

“Texting Eren?” Erwin asked with a knowing smile.

Well, it was actually an Instagram notification, not that he needed to know that. Erwin craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the photo his boyfriend had just posted. In it, Eren and Mikasa were all smiles and up to their necks in chips. A cheap veil was glued to Mikasa’s headband. In the background they could see a dealer at the blackjack table who looked like a Dementor had just sucked out his soul.

“Looks like he’s having fun,” Erwin said. “He certainly is coming back richer.”

“Good. I’ve always wanted a sugar daddy,” Levi deadpanned. Mike choked on his beer.

Erwin thumped his husband’s back until his coughing subsided. After a few minutes he mentioned, “So I guess that wedding is pretty soon, huh?”

“The fuck should I know?” Levi asked. Sure, Mikasa liked him but they hadn’t become the sort of bosom buddies who had slumber parties. She didn’t discuss her wedding with him either.

Thank fuck.

Erwin looked surprised when he asked, “You’re not going?”

“Why would I go?” Levi said in confusion. “I’m not invited.”

Erwin was still making constipated faces, prompting Levi to ask, “Do you need to take a shit or does that face mean you’re trying to say something?”

“I’m very regular, that’s not a problem,” Erwin said. “But I would have thought Eren would take you as his guest, aren’t you two pretty serious?”

“He didn’t say anything about it,” Levi replied.

“Maybe the guest list has to stay small?” Erwin mused.

Levi shrugged. He didn’t know, or care. He wasn’t big on weddings. He hadn’t been allowed at Kuchel’s wedding and the only real fun part of Erwin and Mike’s wedding had been the shots, thankfully out of glasses instead of strippers. Plus watching a drunk Erwin try to dance ( _that_ was a treasured video file. Levi still brought it out when he was having fantastically shitty days). Besides, it wasn’t like he was dying to go to Mikasa’s wedding anyway. Thankfully, Hange’s return to the table got Erwin to shut up about that.

“Levi, sing for me!” Hange insisted in a booming voice as they slid back into the booth. Levi had had just enough vodka to not mind making as ass out of himself, so he headed up to the stage. Every now and then, it was good to stand in front of drunken strangers and say, “Fuck it! I’m goanna sing and to hell with what anyone thinks.”

The applause from fellow drunkards made it fun too. There was something about being idiots together that was good for the soul.

* * *

Eren  
4:17  
r u free ne evening this week?

5:03  
I’m supposed to have dinner with Isabel and David tonight but I can do tomorrow.

5:05  
awesome! I need 2 give u ur souvenir from vegas

Levi’s chest was getting that warm, fuzzy feeling again.

5:06  
Okay. I’ll come by when you’re done with work tomorrow.

* * *

“And the view of all the lights of the Strip at night was _amazing_ , Levi, that was a great call on the helicopter tour!”

“Glad you liked it.”

Levi had never been to Las Vegas, but he had been sure the helicopter would be a winner. Who didn’t love the feeling of flying? That’s why trampolines were so popular. It seemed to have made Eren happy, he was clearly overjoyed as he listed all the fun shit he and his friends had done (and all the money they’d won). That Vegas weekend Hange had proposed was sounding better and better.

“Ooh, lemme get your souvenir!” Eren called out and dashed away. While he waited for Eren to search through the pile of crap bursting out of the messy suitcase still lying in the hallway, Levi went to the fridge to get a beer. That was kind of a mistake. He almost choked on the alcohol when he saw the item sitting on Eren’s counter.

Once he’d wiped spit-up beer from his face he demanded to know, “Why the fuck is there a human jaw in your kitchen, did you start bringing your work home with you?”

“That’s not real!” Eren yelled before reappearing with a bag. “I got it from the coroner’s office gift shop in Vegas.”

Levi wasn’t sure what was more fucked up, the fact that in Las Vegas the coroner’s office was apparently such a big attraction that they had a gift shop, or that Eren _wanted_ to go. Although he was a mortician so it sort of made sense. He doubted Eren could get such grisly props just anywhere.

“So, what’s the jaw for?” Levi asked.

“It holds my business cards!” Eren explained. “Or it will when I finish my apprenticeship and get some printed up. Anyway, Levi, this is for you.”

He held out the plastic bag, a loud, colorful picture of the famous Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegassign printed on it. Levi took the bag and opened it. A bag of M&Ms sat on the top of some other stuff.

“I got those specially made,” Eren said, turning pink. Levi looked through the clear plastic bag and caught a glimpse of the writing on it. “The M&M store has this machine where you can get whatever you want printed on them.”

“That’s what I figured,” Levi said. He would bet money there wasn’t a big target market for M&Ms that said “Eren and Levi”. Except the two of them. His face was turning as flaming as the red M&Ms in the bag. With the sappiest message ever on them. And oh, there went his heart again, racing off like it was trying to compete in the Olympics. “That’s really cool. Thanks Eren.”

Another look in the bag revealed a box with a nice shot glass and a stack of Vegas-themed condoms.

“You horn dog,” Levi said. He picked one and lifted it up. “’Get lucky in Las Vegas’,” he read. It was printed with a picture of a winning slot machine. The others were all just as terribly corny.

So why was he turned on? This was weird. Especially considering there was still a very realistic human jaw replica in front of him.

“Oh yeah,” Eren said. He shuffled nervously, but kept up determined eye contact with Levi. “There’s something else I need to give you! But first, uh, you weren’t making any secret plans for us for Valentine’s Day, were you?”

Levi felt a little shitty about admitting, “No.”

Sure, he’d done Valentine’s Day before his life when to shit in his twenties, but that had been such a long time ago he didn’t really think about it now. It hadn’t occurred to him to make plans for Eren on that day. Plus he wasn’t the kind of man who made plans a month in advance. Maybe he _should_ have.

“Good!” Eren said, bringing sweet relief to Levi’s tortured, guilty soul before he went to go dig through a drawer in the kitchen. When Eren came back he handed over a nice red envelope. Levi’s name was scrawled on the front. Levi looked at Eren, who shot a hopeful look back at him. He ripped open the envelope and pulled out a sheet of paper.

“Dr. Grisha Jaeger and Dr. Carla Jaeger cordially…” Levi’s voice trailed off.

Why people felt the need to be so goddamned formal on wedding invitations was really beyond him. Then it hit Levi just what he was holding.

Jesus fucking Christ, did Erwin really have to be right about _literally everything?_ What was up with that guy?

“So these are our Valentine’s Day plans?” Levi asked, noticing the date on the card.

“Well, I have to be there, it’s my sister’s wedding, and it would be really cool if you wanted to come with me. Mikasa wanted to invite you, too.”

Levi couldn’t handle this. His whole body practically floated off the ground with how happy he felt. Eren wanted him to come with him to family events. This shit was real. The feeling of being so loved by Eren was destroying him. This man was really going to be the death of Levi. He couldn’t believe how lucky he’d gotten. Eren might have won a shit-ton of money this weekend, but Levi felt like he was the one who’d been blessed by Lady Luck.

“I’m really fucking glad you want me to come,” Levi said. Here he’d though he didn’t care, and that he didn’t want to go to Mikasa’s wedding. He was glad he’d been proven wrong. He wanted Eren to understand how he made Levi feel. And he wanted to make Eren feel just as luck as Levi did. “I can definitely make it.”

And as a bonus, Valentine’s Day was taken care of. But he’d have to get Eren something really good. Something that someone as amazing as Eren deserved. He fingered the condom still in his hand with the invitation. There was a start.

“So are these things printed on the whole shaft or is it just the wrappers?”

“Let’s find out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s real people. 
> 
> http://www.vegascoroner.com/index.php/products/jawbone-business-card-holder.html


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi may regret offering to help Eren with the preparations for his sister's wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow! I can't believe you guys have given me 500 kudos. I'm amazed. Thank you all! You guys are awesome.
> 
> Momoicchi27 is also awesome for helping me with this chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

Levi was surprised when his phone started ringing at midnight. More surprising, it was Eren.

“You usually text,” Levi said when he picked up the phone. Eren also usually was in bed earlier than this since he slept like a normal person. Lucky bastard.

“I burned my fingers on the hot glue gun! It hurts too much to text.”

Ah.

“Still making party favors for Mikasa?”

“The wedding is in two weeks. There’s a lot left to do!”

Eren didn’t have to tell Levi that. He’d already noticed. Lately Eren barely replied to his texts and when he did, it was hours later. Even his Instagram posts had slowed to a trickle. Their time together had dwindled too. In fact, this was the first time in over a week that he’d even _seen_ Eren’s face thanks to the Skype app. The fact that his boyfriend was spending what little free time he had left with his parents wasn’t helping either. Levi might have felt jealous if he didn’t know that Eren was working his ass off trying to make his sister’s dream wedding happen. Or how long it had been since Eren had had the chance to spend time with his parents.

Seeing the hideous bags under his boyfriend’s eyes and the tired slump of his shoulders, Levi found himself asking, “Do you need any help? I can help.”

Eren straightened up, sparkles practically pouring out of his tired eyes.

“It would actually be really cool if you helped,” he admitted. Eren looked so very sleepy as he continued, “I still have over 100 party favors to make and I haven’t even _started_ on the centerpieces. If you wanna help decorate these things together it would be great.”

That wasn’t really what he had had in mind. Levi could put shit together, build just about anything, and lift heavy crap but, “Eren, I am not the type of gay who does _crafts_.”

Delicate tasks and Levi mixed about as well as beer before liquor. The few times Levi had tried to help David with his school projects had been a disaster. (He was actually banned from helping his nephew with projects after that one time. The fire hadn’t really been his fault, dammit!)

Eren laughed before he said, “Neither am I, but it’s not so bad. These favors aren’t hard to put together.” Eren whipped his phone around to a big-ass table he didn’t recognize where heaps of crafting shit was. He held up a party favor to the camera as he explained, “You just need to glue the label and ribbon on the little jar. Then you fill it with chocolates and candy hearts.”

“Are you sure you don’t need any heavy lifting done? Is there anything that needs to be built?”

Eren’s brow furrowed in concentration, then he said, “Actually, we do need something built! We bought a wedding arch but it came in pieces and we don’t know how to put it together. Dad was gonna hire someone but if you wanna take a crack at it...”

Relieved that they weren’t going to expect him to work on any party favors, Levi insisted, “Leave it to me.”

He’d feel bad for Mikasa if he ruined her crafting things the way he’d ruined his nephew’s schoolwork. “When do you want me to come over?”

“Well,” Eren said slowly. Even through the grainy Skype video, Levi could see Eren set his shoulders and look him square in the eye. That was the face he always made when he was determined to say some uncomfortable—but important—shit. Levi listened carefully, more than a little nervous, as his boyfriend spoke.

“Mikasa and Annie and all of us in the wedding party were going to meet at my parents’ house Saturday. It’s where we’re storing the wedding stuff, Mikasa and Annie ran out of room in their house. Plus my parents are helping. They’ll be there. On Saturday. At the same time you’re coming over.”

The temperature in the apartment seemed to drop ten degrees. Levi hoped he didn’t look as constipated as he suddenly felt. Damn Skype, he couldn’t hide his face when he really needed to.

“Are you asking me to meet your parents?” Levi asked. That was kind of _fucking terrifying_. It was intimidating as hell to think about meeting them. He kind of hoped Eren would say no.

“Yes.”

Dammit.

“I mean, you’re coming to the wedding with me, right?” Eren asked.

“I am. I even dug out my interview suit to wear.” And it was at the cleaners right now. He’d gotten a gift off of the registry and paid the salesgirl to wrap it (he was shit at wrapping gifts too). He’d picked out his tie and shoes. Levi was ready for this thing.

“My parents are going to be at the wedding so you’d kinda have to meet. I just thought it might be nice if we all met each other before the reception. Then we can relax at the wedding!”

Eren had a point there.

 _But_ if they met for the first time at the wedding, at least he’d have an open bar to buffer the stress of having to try to get his boyfriend’s parents to not loathe him. Fuck, that might be hard. Levi was still surprised he’d won over Mikasa. And parents were a serious deal.

Maybe it would be better to get it over with sooner. Like ripping off a Band-aid.

“So what time on Saturday?”

* * *

Levi got through the rest of the week by firmly _not_ thinking about his impending meeting with Dr. and Dr. Jaeger. That plan fell to shit Thursday night when Eren texted him about what time to pick him up and bring him to the Jaeger family home on Saturday.

He was so fucked. This was going to be the most terrifying doctor’s appointment Levi would ever have.

Not even the soothing balm of reality TV could calm Levi’s nerves. He felt on edge, like he’d drunk one too many cups of tea. Tea that was laced with crack cocaine and Ritalin. He fidgeted with everything from the TV remote to his cell phone. Eventually, Levi unlocked his phone because if he didn’t vent he might implode. There was really only one contact in his address book that he could trust with this.

“Erwin you’re going to help me,” he said when the call picked up.

Erwin sounded a little startled but said, “What’s wrong?”

It took a bit of effort to ask, “What was it like when you met Mike’s parents?”

“You’re meeting Eren’s parents, hmm? Good for you, Levi. I’m happy that things are going so well for you.”

“Thanks,” Levi said. He was happy about it too. Also nauseous as fuck. “So how was it?”

“Well Mike’s parents are essentially hippies so I was overdressed and it was hard to find things to talk about. They liked the wine I brought though, even though they’re more of a beer-drinking family. Mike’s sisters were the ones who were hard to get along with.”

Levi had Mikasa in the bag and Annie hadn’t fed him poisoned food yet. Eren’s sisters wouldn’t be too much of a problem.

“Is that all the advice you’ve got?” Levi asked. He couldn’t fuck this up. He didn’t want Grisha and Carla to hate him and make Eren’s life difficult. Or encourage Eren to break up with him. Levi really liked what he had with Eren. He’d hate to lose it.

“Be yourself, but don’t forget to be polite too,” Erwin said. “And let Eren help you. I should have asked for Mike’s help. He knows his parents and he wants this to go well as much as you do. He can probably tell you what kind of gift they’d enjoy. That’s a good way to make a nice first impression.”

The gift. Fuck. Levi still didn’t have one.

“All right,” he said. “Thanks Erwin, I’ll do that.”

“Good luck!”

* * *

It was a little anticlimactic when Eren finally replied to his texts.

Eren  
11:17  
just get my mom flowers we’ll stop at the supermarket on our way there

Really? All that stress about picking the perfect gift was for nothing. Oh well. Levi decided to follow his lead, he figured he could trust Eren with the gift. That’s what Erwin said to do and a happily married friend’s advice was probably solid. So Levi was left Friday as a hot mess of nerves mixed with dread.

There was a brief respite when Isabel texted him in the midafternoon begging him to pick David up from baseball practice since that thug she liked had offered to take her out to dinner after work. In the spirit of karma, Levi decided to be cool about his sister dating. Maybe the universe would reward him by making meeting the Jaegers less awful?

It was worth a shot.

If it didn’t, beating the shit out of this Farlan character would make him feel better.

Levi pulled up to the elementary school where there were boys running around all over the baseball field in their uniforms. Once he’d noticed the familiar car there to pick him up, David bounded over in a cloud of dust and sunscreen stench.

“Uncle Levi!” he yelled happily.

“Hey there kiddo,” Levi replied and popped the trunk. David threw his smelly duffle bag and backpack in the trunk before slipping into the back seat.

“Why isn’t Mom picking me up?” he asked as Levi started the car.

“Isabel’s going out with a friend,” Levi said. It was close enough, Isabel seemed to care about Farlan enough to date him, after all. “I’m taking you home later tonight.”

“Okay,” David said, unfazed in that creepy way children were. “Can we get ice cream?”

“We sure can.”

Uncle and nephew time was all about fun, after all. Being an uncle was the shit. All the joy of child-rearing without most of the responsibility.

They got ice cream (a cone for David, a cup for Levi) before heading back to Levi’s apartment and ordering pizza. David surprised him a little by insisting on working on his homework after dinner. That was a little disappointing because up ‘til then his nephew had been doing a pretty good job of distracting him from the impending meeting with Eren’s parents.

Instead Levi tried to focus on reading the newspaper while David worked at his kitchen table. His reading was interrupted by a call of, “Uncle Levi? Do you have any glue?”

“I have epoxy. Why, what do you need it for?”

David held up some papers and said, “I’m supposed to cut these out and glue them on the map. I need a glue stick.”

Shit.

“And I need scissors.”

“I do not have those things,” Levi said. He hadn’t touched glue sticks or scissors since he’d been in elementary school himself. “Can it wait until you go home?”

Aw fuck, there was the pout and trembling lip.

“But I wanna finish before the weekend starts! I don’t wanna do my homework on a Saturday!”

It didn’t take long looking at that face before he said, “We’ll go to the craft store.”

Which Levi had to Google, because he never went. Once he had some directions, he and David got in the car. The store reeked of that weird, fake flower smell and potpourri. The only other people buying crafting shit on a Friday night were older ladies milling about buying yarn.

“Let’s get the glue and get out of here,” Levi said. They wandered the aisles together trying to find out where to get a simple pair of scissors instead of ones with fancy crimped edges. The glue was even harder to find, especially with David insisting that he had to find his favorite brand of glue. Levi could relate, there were some brands that were just crappier than the rest.

Now, finding it was a bitch, the craft store was packed with too many jewels, beads, and fake flowers to wade through. It slowed them down even more that all the older ladies and housewives stopped to coo over David and how cute it was that Levi was shopping with his “son”.

“He’s my nephew,” Levi said for what felt like the tenth time. What had he even done to deserve this torture? Even the CIA probably weren’t cruel enough to do _this_. Where the fuck was that glue so he could end this torture?

Levi could have cried with relief when he turned the corner of an aisle and at last saw the sign hanging over his head that said “glue”. He watched David run excitedly down the glue aisle and too late, realized he was headed straight for another shopper.

“David!” Levi shouted uselessly. He’d already crashed. There was a thud as his nephew hit the ground and then a series of bangs as boxes toppled from the arms of the woman he’d run into. “Oh _shit!_ ”

He was by his nephew’s side in a flash.

“Are you okay?” Levi asked David, who nodded. He grabbed David’s arm and helped haul the boy to his feet. Suddenly Levi remembered the other party in the collision. He turned to the woman, who was luckily still on her feet. You couldn’t get sued for this, right? “Are _you_ okay?”

“I think I’ll live,” she answered dryly.

“Sorry,” Levi said. “David, say sorry.”

“I’m sorry I ran into you,” he said. At least the woman smiled at David when he apologized. Once she smiled she looked nice. Her brown hair had streaks of gray but she was still pretty attractive. Which was odd, Levi didn’t usually think that about women. Even though she didn’t seem too pissed off, Levi figured it wouldn’t hurt to bend down to gather up the shit that had gone flying when David bumped into her.

“Here you go,” he said awkwardly as he piled the boxes in her arms. “Here’s your… hot glue sticks.”

“What are you making with all that glue?” David asked. Levi suddenly had the feeling David was going to want to buy more crafting things, he was getting that creative look on his face.

The woman bent a little so she was on David’s level before answering, “Just some party favors. What are _you_ making?”

“I need glue for my homework,” he said seriously.

“What a responsible young man you are!” the lady said. She turned to Levi before adding, “You must be very proud. Well, good luck with your homework.”

“He’s my nephew,” Levi muttered at her retreating back. At least she hadn’t asked if he was single, or if he wanted to meet her daughter like the other shoppers had. You had to be grateful for the small things.

David pulled on his shirt. “Uncle Levi, can I get hot glue too? I wanna add feathers to my project!”

“Sure we can,” Levi replied before heading deeper into the bowels of the craft store.

* * *

All too soon, it was time to deliver a sleepy nephew back into his mother’s arms. Then, blessedly, he could try to sleep and deal with the meeting-the-parents-thing in the morning. The nerves were pretty manageable until Levi picked up Eren, who started instructing him where to go. That’s when Levi’s stomach started churning. Oh God.

The closer they got to the house, the sicker Levi felt. This was much worse than meting Mikasa. He’d be meeting Eren’s parents. These were the people that could become his mother- and father-in-law.

“Levi, watch out!” Eren yelped. Levi slammed on the brakes, narrowly avoiding the shitty car in front of him. His head was still swimming and his chest ached. He should probably start breathing again.

“Are you okay?” Eren asked. No. Levi was the furthest fucking thing from OK. “Should I drive?”

“I’m fine,” Levi lied. He even started moving again when the light turned green. He was so fine. Just look at that perfectly executed left turn. Fine!

Then Eren had the nerve to laugh, the little shit.

“The fuck are you laughing at?”

“It’s cute how you’re nervous about meeting my parents. You look like you’re gonna barf though.”

“I’m not barfing,” Levi insisted. He wasn’t counting out nervous shits yet though. The feeling of Eren’s hand covering his on the steering wheel was mildly comforting.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure my dad will like you. He likes smart people. Plus you do charity! You already have so much in common.”

“I’m half way there,” Levi said dryly. He couldn’t help but notice that Eren was conspicuously quiet about what Carla would think. Well, apparently soon he could join Mike with his mother-in-law problems. Joy.

Maybe the big-ass bouquet he bought at Eren’s urging would help prevent that. Levi wasn’t crazy about flowers unless he was planting them in the yard of a house he was building for somebody else, but these were pretty things. He hoped Carla would like them. And not tell Eren to dump him.

“There it is,” Eren said, pointing to a gigantic house. Levi already felt out of place, of course the two doctors owned a house that was practically a mansion. It had _columns_ on the front for fuck’s sake. Levi was glad he’d worn a nice shirt like Eren had told him to. The Jaeger house looked innocuous enough, but Levi still felt like he was walking to his death.

Eren bumped shoulders with him, arms full of Levi’s toolbox.

“It’ll be fine,” Eren said in a way that sounded like he didn’t believe himself. Levi clutched the flowers tighter before following Eren up the sidewalk.

There was just a little bit of disappointment when Eren let himself in and they were greeted only by Mikasa and Annie. It was that same feeling as when a teacher let you have five minutes to study before the test: the delay was a relief, but also frustrating as hell because you just wanted to fail already and get it over with.

And no matter what, those five minutes weren’t going to make you any more prepared to face your doom.

“Where are Mom and Dad?” Eren asked.

“They had to go check on a problem at the venue,” Annie replied. “Carla said they’d be back in an hour.”

Mikasa announced, “I’ll get a vase for those flowers,” as she left the room.

“Well, we can get started on the favors,” Eren said. Levi nudged him with his elbow. “And Levi said he could build the wedding arch for us! And I brought the flower garlands and fabric to decorate it. It’ll be cute!”

“The box is in the garage,” Annie said as Mikasa came in with the vase. Levi was a little reluctant to give up his flower shield but he let Mikasa take them.

“And we can work in the kitchen so we can keep the door propped open and talk,” Eren said. Mikasa and Annie followed them as they went to the garage. There was a huge box there, bursting with cut pieces of wood. Eren set the toolbox down before going back to the kitchen to get the rest of the crafting supplies he’d piled in Levi’s car.

Levi started unpacking the box. An instruction sheet fluttered out but he already had a good idea of what to do looking at the pieces. Working in the garage was a little weird, he would have rather worked outside. But early February was not a good time to be outdoors. His balls were already freezing off in the garage. Going outside might actually castrate him.

That would be a problem.

Pounding in nails was actually really helping his nerves. What also helped was Eren setting up a card table right next to the garage door in the kitchen so he really was talking to Levi while he talked to Mikasa and Annie. The garage was starting to feel warm the more he worked on the arch. Eventually Levi stripped off his dress shirt and kept working in his undershirt.

He didn’t even notice that hour passing.

Before he knew it, the garage door was opening and Levi almost had a heart attack as a car rolled in bearing Eren’s parents.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi meets Grisha and Carla.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after this chapter, there will be at one more, and then the epilogue. We're in the home stretch!

As the Jaeger parents’ car came to a stop in the garage, Levi _really_ regretted taking off his button-down shirt. Being sweaty, unkempt, and with sawdust in his hair was not how he’d planned to meet Eren’s parents. Thank fuck his undershirt was still on, even if it was making him look like Stanley Kowalski. It also helped a little that Eren was in the garage with him decorating the arch. He felt like he had some support for this (and not just Eren’s hands holding the ladder he was still standing on steady).

“Don’t forget to breathe!” Eren hissed before crying out, “Hi Mom! Hi Dad!”

Levi's attention was drawn to Eren's dad. He was tall and thin, with a long greying ponytail and goatee. If he hadn't been wearing a nice button-down shirt and slacks, Levi would have thought he was a hippie. At least he looked vaguely friendly as he stepped out of the driver’s seat.

“This must be Levi," Grisha said. "It’s a pleasure to finally meet you after all the things Eren has said about you.”

“Yeah,” Levi said, feeling his face grow hot. It had never occurred to him that Eren _talked about him_ , to other people. Levi hoped he was saying good things.

Eren must have, because there was a smile on Grisha’s face as he stepped toward the ladder with his hand out. Levi got down, feeling a little awkward as his boyfriend’s father started to tower over him. When his feet hit the ground again he tried to act normal as he stuck his hand out. “Nice to meet you too.”

Grisha shook his hand firmly. Light glinted off his glasses and he looked pensive, probably trying to determine if what Eren had said about him was true. Jesus, it was like he was getting an X-ray. An X-ray into his soul. Levi hoped that that thoughtful look on Grisha’s face was a good sign.

“Eren said you were going to build that arch. It looks good. Nice job.”

Well then. He was fucking _good_. Levi didn’t know how the hell he managed to wow every single member of Eren’s family, but for now he was two for two. Excellent.

“Didn’t your son almost knock me over yesterday?”

Levi turned to see Eren, arms full of bags while his mother stared down at him. It was the same woman David had crashed into at the craft store last night. Of fucking _course_ it was the same woman his nephew had run straight into less than a day ago. At least that explained the mystery of why he thought she was cute at the time, his boyfriend looked just like his mother. (But judging by the two of them, it _was_ good to know Eren was gonna be hot as an older man. He was in for a great future with his GDILF.)

“Levi doesn’t have a son,” Levi dimly heard Eren say.

“That’s right, that was my nephew,” he added. He bit his tongue to avoid tacking on, “And Jesus Christ, he already apologized.” She didn’t even fall down! David probably had more bruises from that little bump.

Carla made a noise that didn’t sound as if she was too pleased. Then the garage got silent. Sweet Jesus, this was incredibly awkward. Eren interrupted the silence by asking in a slightly higher-than-normal pitch, “Mom where should I put these?”

“Is there room in the kitchen?”

The answer of “Not really,” came from the garage door. Mikasa and Annie were observing the whole train wreck from the kitchen door. There was a slight look of pity on Annie’s face when she continued, “There’s room on the dining room table.”

“Let me help you move those,” Levi said. He took a few of the bags from Eren and hustled after him into the dining room.  They arranged the fuck-ton of bags of candy on the gigantic dining room table next to the vase of flowers.

“That went well,” Levi joked. Eren just covered his face with his hands and groaned. That pissed Levi off. He hated seeing his boyfriend upset. And unlike all the other people who made Eren upset, Levi couldn’t trash talk Carla to make Eren feel better. Or kick her ass. He didn’t really know how to deal with this problem. To try to comfort him, he patted Eren’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay,” he lied.

Eren looked as unconvinced as Levi felt.

“Maybe she’ll like me if I save your life? Let’s stage a deadly ‘accident’.”

_That_ made Eren laugh. It was good to hear the sound again. It fucking blowed that Carla already disliked him (seriously? They hadn’t even spoken for five minutes!) but he would deal. For Eren.

“So what are we doing with this candy?” Levi asked.

Eren took him by the hand and started to lead him back to the kitchen while he explained, “Once we finish all these jars the candy goes inside. Then we have to do the centerpieces. But Connie’s bringing the glass bowls he blew at his workshop for those after lunch.”

Levi literally could not wait until the rest of Eren’s friends showed up. They’d distract Carla, surely. He just had to get through lunch with Eren’s parents before he’d be home free. All that would be left afterward was crafting. He could do this. He stepped into the kitchen where the others were all crowded around the kitchen table with glue guns in hand.

“Did you finish the arch?” Mikasa asked when they joined the family at the table.

“We did,” Levi confirmed.

“It looks good,” Grisha said. He turned toward his goddaughter and with a teasing tone said, “It’s all ready for you to get married under.”

Levi was shocked when a stupid grin appeared on Mikasa’s face.

“Good!” she said so firmly Annie turned pink.

“Someone’s excited, huh?” Carla said, nudging her future daughter-in-law. The two of them smiled. (Well, Annie’s mouth turned slightly upward. It was the closest thing to smile Levi had ever seen on her.) Watching Carla and Annie was kinda encouraging. If she had managed to win the Jaeger matriarch over, there had to be a way. There was hope.

Then Eren put a glue gun in his hands. There was hope for some things anyway. As Levi quickly learned, he was still shit at crafting. It didn’t help when Eren took one look at the crooked label (he’d _tried_ to straighten it before the glue hardened) and limp bow and said, “Wow, you weren’t kidding.”

“Thanks.”

“You’d think with all the carpentry you do this would be easier.”

“You’d be wrong,” Levi answered.

“Oh, so Levi… You’re a carpenter?” Carla asked.

God, the face she was making, it looked like someone was trying to pull her teeth out instead of making small talk. That intimidating look like he was shit on her shoe didn’t make it any easier to explain, “No, I do woodworking in my free time.”

“Levi’s great, he fixed my bookshelf when it collapsed! And he builds houses for charity!” Eren said proudly. “Tell ‘em, Levi!”

What more was there even to say? His boyfriend had already covered the basics. “I volunteer.”

Aw fuck.

That grimace on Annie’s face looked as pained as Levi felt. That was terrible. Even Grisha sent him a look of pity. This was fucking pathetic. This was a new low for him and Levi had lived on the streets for a while.

Grisha cleared his throat before asking, “How long have you been volunteering, Levi?”

“Nearly five years,” Levi answered. Grisha actually looked interested (or was good at faking it) so he felt compelled to keep talking. “My friends roped me into it at first. But I liked carpentry and tiling so now I volunteer all the time.” Then he remembered Eren’s parents were into volunteerism too so he finished with, “Plus it’s nice to make a home for somebody. They’re usually pretty happy.”

Fuck yeah. Levi mentally patted himself on the back for that excellent save. Besides it wasn’t like was he spewing some interview I-just- _love_ -customer-service bullshit anyway. He _did_ like providing homes for people who needed them, he’d been there before. And their gratitude when they could finally move in was always touching.

“That sounds rewarding,” Grisha said. He started on the next jar in his hands as he listened.

“Oh it is!” Eren agreed. Levi wondered how they could all craft and talk at the same time. His label was turning out crooked again. “I went with him one time and it was really hard but great.”

“So Levi,” Grisha said before clearing his throat. He looked over at Carla who sent him a blank look back before he asked, “Do you ever get to travel for your volunteer work? A few of my friends who also do Habitat go overseas to build houses.”

He was starting to look not all that comfortable and Levi got the sense Carla usually did most of the talking for them, but she wasn’t talking this time.

“No, not yet,” Levi said. “I’d like to. Someday.”

Someday when he was rich, maybe. Saving up to take enough work time off and pay for all the things he needed on the trip wasn’t happening anytime soon. Eren was looking at him expectantly so he tried this whole conversing-with-the-parents thing again. “Eren tells me you get to travel a lot for your volunteer work.”

“We do,” Grisha said. “We’ve volunteered with Doctors Without Borders for some time now. We’ve traveled the most in South America, but we’ve had a few assignments in Africa.”

Lucky bastard. Levi would kill to go to Rio. Or hike in the Amazon. He tried to not let his envy of how fucking bad he wanted to go there show when he said, “That sounds nice. … Where was your favorite place to go?”

“I enjoyed Bolivia. It was very beautiful there.”

“Uh huh,” Levi said. He wished he knew more about Bolivia so he could ask some more follow-up questions. Every time he got Grisha talking he felt like this was going a little better.

“What about you, Carla-liebchen?” Grisha asked before patting her hand (the one that wasn’t wielding the glue gun anyway). “Where was your favorite place?”

Thank _fuck_. Levi felt grateful to his boyfriend’s father for trying so hard to keep the conversation going. He was extra glad he’d sprung for the huge-ass bouquet at the market. Grisha deserved a shit-ton of thanks.  

“I liked working the maternity clinic in Gondama,” she said.

Well, Levi had officially run out of questions. In the ensuing lull in the conversation, Carla must have been inspired by her husband because she asked, “So if you’re not a carpenter Levi, what do you do?”

Oh crap Levi had forgotten to answer that question earlier.

“I’m a street sweeper.”

Carla’s lips pursed. Aw shit, that looked bad. Levi glanced over at Eren’s father. Luckily Grisha seemed satisfied with that answer, adding, “Government, huh? That’s stable.”

Annie made a horrible sound that reminded Levi of Mrs. Kraboppel. Apparently it _was_ a laugh because Eren asked, “What’s so funny?”

“That’s exactly what Mikasa said,” she answered. Digging through the deep recesses of his memories, Levi vaguely recalled something like that happening the first time he’d met Eren’s sister. Like godfather like goddaughter, apparently.

“It’s not only stable, it’s also pretty cool,” Eren added. “I went with Levi one time on his route. That street sweeper truck is actually really neat. It can do a _lot_.”

“She sure can,” Levi agreed. He set the second jar he’d tried on the table. Jesus. What kind of witchcraft had cursed him with a totally inability to do crafts? “Maybe I shouldn’t be helping with these?”

“What if we put you in charge of filling them with candy?” Mikasa suggested as she eyed the lopsided bow Levi had tied. And he’d really tried, on both of the crappy jars he’d done.

“Sounds good to me.”

Carla rose out of her seat as she asked, “Where’d you leave the candy?”

“Dining room table!” Eren answered. She was gone before Levi could insist that he could get the candy himself. That might have ended up being a stroke of luck because when she came back in she was smiling for just about the first time all day.

“What a beautiful bouquet!” she gushed as she set the bags of candy next to Levi. “Eren, did you buy that?”

Levi felt Eren’s arms snake around his shoulders before his boyfriend proclaimed, “Levi actually bought it!"

It was kinda annoying how shocked she looked by that. Jeez, did she really expect him to be a rude asshole?

Okay, so in a lot of ways Levi _was_ a rude asshole so she wasn’t completely wrong. But he at least know how to bring a gift when he was a guest somewhere!

“Thank you Levi,” Carla said, even though she didn’t sound that thrilled.

“You’re welcome.”

The silence that followed was interrupted by a loud banging sound echoing through the house. Levi nearly jumped out of his seat before realizing that it was a grandfather clock. This fucking mansion had everything. Next thing he knew, there’d be a sauna in this place. Which would actually be really great, Levi had always wanted to go to one but didn’t trust the hygiene of other naked men (except Eren of course).

“I didn’t notice it was already lunchtime,” Eren said when the last chimes of the clock faded away. Considering how nervous-nauseous Levi felt, he wasn’t surprised no one had noticed they should have been eating by now.

“I’ll put in the takeout order,” Carla said before grabbing her husband’s shoulder. “Grisha, come help me.”

As soon as the two of them left the room, Eren’s body slowly sank forward onto the table like a snowman melting in the unforgiving sun. The table squished up against his face muffled his long, drawn-out groan of “ _Why?_ ”

Mikasa patted his back before Levi could, saying, “At least Grisha likes him.”

“I guess it’s nice Dad’s on my side, _like usual_ ,” Eren muttered.

Levi was tempted to ask what the deal was with Carla but decided that was probably a shitty idea. He got the feeling talking shit about his boyfriend’s mother wasn’t exactly a winning strategy to make a good impression. Levi didn’t wanna fuck this up even more by saying something rude that Eren wouldn’t like (not to mention with his luck, Carla would be standing right fucking behind him if that happened). Besides, now that the Jaeger doctors were out of the room, Levi had the chance to ask, “Where’s the john?”

“It’s the third door on the right down that hall,” Mikasa said, pointing the way.

After finding the bathroom (it was like a hotel bathroom it was so nice) Levi made his way back to the crafting table. As he passed a door he heard, “I don’t like him!”

Ah. Carla. What a surprise. This was probably a terrible idea, but Levi stopped to listen through the slightly opened door where she and Grisha were talking.

“Why? Levi seems great.”

“It’s just a feeling I have.”

A sigh.

“Carla, you can’t keep doing this every time Eren brings someone home.”

“I can’t have my suspicions about him?”

Jesus. What did she think was wrong with him? Did she think he was secretly a criminal or something?

Okay, he’d give Carla that one too. Levi _had_ once been a criminal but that had been strictly out of necessity. Like, that was the only way he and Isabel could buy diapers for David necessity. That had been years ago and Eren already knew about it. It was in the past, not to mention none of her fucking business.

Levi decided listening to this conversation any longer was only going to piss him off. Parental disappointment was something familiar to Levi anyway. He’d grown a thick skin to it decades ago. He could handle this. Levi returned to the kitchen table where Eren was sitting up again.

“You okay?” he asked his boyfriend. Eren nodded.

“Yeah.”

No sooner had Levi sat down than Grisha and Carla returned. Good thing he hadn’t hung around and eavesdropped much longer.

“Eren, go pick up the food. It’ll be ready in fifteen minutes and it’ll take you at least ten minutes to get there,” Carla announced.

“But Mom—”

“I’ll go too,” Mikasa said as she pulled on Eren’s shirt. “The rest of you can keep working.”

Damn that Mikasa. She’d cut off Levi’s escape route before he even had the chance to try to use it. After she and Eren had left, the four of them left over crafted in quietness. Levi managed to fill almost a box full of jars with candy. This wasn’t so bad.

The crafting was interrupted by a phone ringing. Carla went off to answer it. Then, “Grisha, your mother’s on the line!”

That was how Levi found himself crafting alone with Annie. While it was just the two of them, he figured he might as well ask, “So how did you win Eren’s mom over?”

She and Carla clearly got along so she must have cracked the code to making herself likeable to the woman.

“Carla always liked me,” Annie replied.

Why the hell was Eren’s sister-in-law so good at ruining Levi’s life with a few simple words? Goddammit. So she couldn’t help him figure out how to mitigate the damage Carla might cause his relationship with Eren. Annie passed over a finished jar to Levi to be filled with candy as she said, “Carla’s one of those mothers who thinks her son is the greatest thing since sliced bread. No one’s ever good enough for him.”

It was the most words he’d ever heard Annie say at once. Levi would have felt more impressed if he weren’t so filled with relief.

“ _That’s_ it? Tch, that’s easy.”

Annie stared at him like he’d grown a second head.

Levi explained, “If she’s gonna throw a hissy fit no matter what I do, then there’s nothing I can do to make her like me more.” He leaned back in his chair. To fully enjoy the realization, he said it out loud: “I don’t have to do anything.”

Not that he’d ever _planned_ on acting like someone different or changing his life to please somebody else, but at least there was no pressure now. If Carla would never like him because she seemed convinced not even the Queen of England was good enough for Eren, then that meant Levi could coast. As long as she didn’t bug Eren into dumping him and she was polite to him when they had to see each other—she’d been sort of polite so far today (barring bitching about David running into her)—he’d be fine. Levi didn’t need Carla to like him.

Besides, he’d gotten Grisha so at least he had something. Even in private Grisha vouched for him. Levi was actually feeling pretty good when Eren returned with the food and the family (plus Levi) sat down to eat. Sure, this wasn’t how he’d hoped this would go, but he felt like he could rule today’s meeting-of-the-parents a vague success.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flowers can be a powerful force.

Levi was a little surprised to see Eren slinking into the kitchen this early. The alarm wasn’t supposed to go off for hours. Even though he’d just face-planted onto his clean kitchen table, Eren didn’t look like he was planning on going back to sleep. Levi set down his Swiffer before pouring a cup of coffee for his boyfriend.

When the mug hit his hand Eren mumbled, “Thanks.”

“What’s got you up so early?” Levi asked.

“My sister is getting married today. How could I sleep?”

Yeah, Levi figured those kinds of nerves would keep you up. Honestly, he was a little nervous himself. But his nerves had more to do with the fact that he was going to an event that was chock-full of Eren’s family. That was some intimidating shit right there. He was heading into the lion’s den today.

“Plus I had a nightmare!” Eren shuddered. His face contorted in horror as he recounted, “I dreamt that I was trying to give my toast but I lost my cards with the best man speech on them! It was awful.”

“Did you at least have your clothes on in the dream?” Levi asked.

“It wasn’t one of _those_ public speaking dreams.”

“So where are your speech note cards?” Levi wondered.

“I have a copy on my phone and the cards are in my suit pocket,” Eren insisted. “And just in case something happens I put a third copy in _your_ suit last night.”

That brought a smile to Levi’s face. Eren still amazed him with how much energy he put into tasks that had to be done. There was a touch of pride that Eren trusted him to hold onto those, that he knew he could count on Levi in an emergency. Levi felt the same way about him.

* * *

Eren left for the wedding a few hours before Levi did. Apparently he had to be there early to help make sure all the crap was set up right _and_ that Mikasa and Annie didn’t have aneurysms from the stress when wedding shit inevitably hit the fan.

As Levi drove up to the country club (of fucking course the two doctor’s got space at a freaking country club for their goddaughter’s wedding) he kinda wished Eren were with him. He’d never realized just how hellishly awkward it was to go as someone’s date to a wedding. Especially when they weren’t there because he was tied up with Best Man duties.

Not wanting to run the risk losing a ball to frostbite in the cold February air, Levi manned up and went inside. He followed the crowd to a huge ballroom set up with all the red and white decorations, plus the arch he’d built. Levi felt more than a little proud to see it there looking majestic and totally in place with all the country club finery. Hell yeah.

“Hey, Levi! Come sit with us!”

What a relief to turn around and see Eren’s friend Connie waving at him. At last. Someone he knew. He recognized a few of Eren’s other friends which made the wait for the ceremony to start tolerable. Connie was especially easy to talk with. Since he was a fellow craftsman they got along just fine. In fact, Connie was doing a pretty good job of distracting Levi from the fact that he was surrounded by Jaegers by telling him all about his recent adventures in his glassblowing studio. He didn’t even notice it was time until a string of music suddenly burst forth from a quartet.

A goddamn _quartet_.

It felt classy as fuck when everyone in attendance swiveled around in their chairs to watch the bridal party march down the aisle. The two sets of parents went first, which Levi thought was kinda weird because weren’t the fathers supposed to walk their daughters down the aisle? But Carla and Grisha, then two short blonds that had to be Mr. and Mrs. Leonhart went instead.

Then Levi recognized Eren’s butcher friend Sasha cheerfully leading the wedding party pack with Armin. That one tall, sweaty friend of theirs (was it Berthold?) and his thick-ass fiancé followed them. But what took Levi’s breath away was the sight of his boyfriend walking the Maid of Honor down the aisle. Since Eren had taken his suit with him to get changed at the wedding, Levi hadn’t seen him really dressed up before.

It was probably a good thing Eren hadn’t changed into his suit before leaving Levi’s apartment this morning. Because Levi would have been _awfully_ tempted to delay him. A lot. The suit hugged his body like a glove. The red rose pinned to his lapel made the whole thing look romantic as fuck. And he _never_ would have thought Eren’s hair could look even better than it normally did, but there it was. When he brushed it back with a bit of gel he looked amazing.

Apparently he wasn’t the only one who felt that way because the next thing he heard was Jean mumbling, “She looks so cute. I wish we’d had a wedding.”

“That’s what happens when you get drunk in Vegas,” Connie sassed.

“Shut up, Connie! At least I have a wife! And hair!”

Their little spat was quickly drowned out by a crescendo coming forth from the quartet. Two kids threw petals everywhere as they scampered down the aisle. Then, the ballroom was filled with oohs and aahs as the two brides appeared. Oh. That explained why their (god)fathers had walked their wives down the aisle instead of their daughters. That was actually a pretty awesome idea, the intended spouses walking down the aisle, arm-in-arm together, as partners.

Levi was going to have to remember to steal that idea in case he ever got married. Especially since he was in Mikasa’s shitty boat of having no parent who would walk with him.

The music stopped. Mikasa and Annie were up at the altar so Levi started paying attention to the ceremony again. After having to adjust the microphone, their petite blonde friend started the ceremony with, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Mikasa Ackerman and Annie Leonhart. Does anyone know a reason why these two should not be wed?”

Silence.

After a few moments Historia smiled. “Good. I agree. There have been some obstacles in their relationship, but Mikasa and Annie have never failed to overcome them together. They couldn’t be more ready to take this beautiful step in life.

“Mikasa and Annie are one of the most loving couples I’ve had the fortune to know. I still remember the day they met, all the way back in the eighth grade.”

Listening to Historia gush about how Mikasa and Annie had met (a hilarious story that involved Eren accidentally getting his ass kicked and some failed revenge plots), Levi was able to relax for the first time that day. Historia finished her story before continuing, “Mikasa. Annie. The vows you make today are affirmations of the love we already know you two share. Annie, please repeat after me.”

With Historia’s guidance, Annie took Mikasa’s hands and vowed, “I, Annie, take you Mikasa, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better or for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish from this day forward until death do us part.”

There was a series of loud sniffs as the audience became teary. Connie blew his nose loudly next to him. Once Mikasa began to repeat the same words, Levi found his heartstrings being tugged too. Something about watching two people who loved each other make those promises just shanked the hell out of your heart.

“Will the Best Man bring the rings forward?”

Despite some tears, the grin on Eren’s face was huge as he reached into his suit jacket and proudly pulled out the rings. It was that moment, when Eren stepped up to the altar to place a ring in each bride’s hand, that Levi was suddenly sucker-punched by feelings. Oh sweet Jesus. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight of his beloved at the altar, wedding ring in hand.

If Levi hadn’t known differently, he’d’ve thought he was looking at a groom. His traitorous brain was suddenly assaulted by _ideas_. Ideas like him and Eren wearing matching suits (except their theme color would be green instead of red) and putting rings on each other’s fingers like Mikasa and Annie were right now.

He was so fucked.

So blinded was he by the new, unheard of possibility that _he and Eren could get married someday_ Levi missed the rest of the wedding ceremony. He was only startled from his thoughts at a sudden round of applause. Up at the altar, Mikasa and Annie were sucking face for the first time as a married couple. Levi half-heartedly clapped along, still dumbstruck by the idea of marriage.

It was probably the wedding atmosphere getting to him.

Levi tried not to think too hard about it as the cocktail hour began. He was glad Connie was there to regale him with the whole, hilarious story of Jean and Sasha’s impromptu Vegas wedding. Along with a lot of tasty finger foods, the chatter and Jean’s humiliation distracted him.

Until he heard a cry of, “Levi! Connie, Jean, Ymir!”

It was Eren and the rest of the wedding party, sans brides. The whole wedding fantasy was coming running right up to him. Levi’s throat was suddenly so dry it practically ached when he asked, “You finally done taking all the pictures?”

“Yes!” Eren sighed. If those frazzled looks on all of their faces were anything to go by, he couldn’t be happier about that. “I’m ready to hit the bar though.”

“We all are!” Ymir interrupted. “Tell me you guys got a hard liquor license.”

“We did,” Eren confirmed to delighted cheers. The group joined the long line forming at the bar. Thank God someone had invented the open bar. Humanity’s greatest invention right there.

“You look like you really need the hard shit,” Levi commented while they waited. Eren groaned loudly.

“Mom made us do _so many_ retakes. I’m pretty sure that poor photographer hates us now.”

Levi felt for the poor chick. He’d been on the receiving end of Carla’s distaste before. It wasn’t fun. At least the photographer only had to endure a few more hours of this before she could bail. After they got their drinks Eren said, “I think they’re done setting up the tables, wanna grab a seat?”

“That sounds great,” Levi agreed. Eren grabbed his free hand and they headed back toward the ballroom the ceremony had taken place in. Now it was full of tables and the centerpieces he recognized from that crafting party he’d been to. Eren seemed to know where he was going so Levi followed him all the way to a table near the head table where there were two place cards side by side with their names on it.

Why the hell did that make him so stupidly giddy? Scraps of paper with their names written on them should not do that to a man’s heart. Levi wondered if he was always gonna feel this way about Eren. Even after ten months together he could never get his body to just calm its tits around him.

Or maybe he _really_ needed a cardiologist.

Not too long after everyone had sat down, a microphone crackled to life in the DJ’s hand. He announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to introduce for the first time, the two Mrs’ Ackerman-Leonharts!”

Everyone cheered and clapped. Levi said, “What a mouthful.”

“Their poor kids,” Eren sighed.

Ymir slung an arm over her wife’s shoulders, adding, “Historia baby, I’m so glad our name is short and sweet.”

Levi was liking Ymir more and more. Eren’s friends were pretty cool.

So far this wedding was turning out to not be half bad. The food was good, so was the cake, Eren hadn’t lost the notes for his toast so he didn’t need the extra cards in Levi’s jacket pocket, not to mention he got to see Eren dressed up. Well, dressed up sexy anyway. His funeral suits that Levi had seen dozens of times before were much more boring. And less fitted.

“Hey, wanna dance after the parent-daughter dances?” Eren whispered to him as the newlyweds transitioned from their first dance to the father-daughter dances.

“Hell yeah,” Levi whispered back. He and Eren didn’t dance much (they weren’t really the clubbing types) but he did love feeling Eren’s hand in his after the mother-daughter dances were done pulling him to the dance floor. Thank fuck he’d had that one drink as Jaegers and Leonharts swarmed the floor. It gave him courage.

Which was especially important when he saw Eren’s eyes light up before he cried out, “Oma! Opa!”

“Eren!”

Eren let go of Levi and threw his arms around two elderly people. Levi stood by awkwardly.

“It’s so good to see you!” the woman exclaimed. She looked over at Levi and added, “Who’s this handsome fellow?”

“This is my boyfriend, Levi,” Even said. Oh, there went the chest-bees again. Levi didn’t think it was possible for him to ever get tired of hearing that. “And Levi, this is my Dad’s mom, Anja! And my grandpa Karl.”

“Nice to meet you,” Levi said. Anja quickly crushed him with a hug.

As Levi discovered during the rest of the night, Eren’s family were quite huggy. It seemed like every five minutes someone new would come up to Eren to say hi. And then hug the shit out of them. In rapid succession Levi was introduced to two grandmas, a grandpa, seven uncles, nine aunts, and a horde of cousins. And that was just Carla’s side of the family. Jesus.

On the bright side, they seemed to like him a lot more than Carla did. She was being pretty cool today at least, thank the non-existent Lord. She had greeted him and thanked him for coming. Eren had beamed at the progress.

The music kept playing and time seemed to slip away in Eren’s arms. Levi was having a great time. He was actually a little disappointed when the music dipped in volume. In the sudden silence, the DJ announced, “Okay everyone! It is time for the bouquet tosses! Will the unmarried ladies and gentlemen please gather up here?”

“Wanna try to go catch a bouquet?” Eren asked.

“I think I’ll sit this one out,” Levi answered. He wasn’t really keen on fighting a throng of people for flowers. “Good luck though.”

“Thanks!” Eren said before dashing off. Along with some of the other guests who weren’t up for the toss, Levi found a seat to watch the spectacle. Annie was gearing up for her toss when a huge weight suddenly dropped on Levi’s lap.

A quick look down revealed that one of Eren’s little cousins whose named he’d forgotten had thrown herself on his legs. Good thing he didn’t swear when she’d crash landed on him (though he was awfully tempted. That fucking hurt). The girl was staring up at him with laser-focus. It was creepy as shit.

“Hi?” he said. She didn’t say anything as she sat up and snuggled into his chest. Levi didn’t really understand how the hell he ended up with kids flocking to him while managing to terrify adults. Fucking weird.

It didn’t seem as if the kid was moving any time soon so Levi turned his attention back to the dance floor. Annie threw her bouquet first. After a quick scramble in the mosh pit, one of Annie’s aunts emerged with the flowers clutched tightly in her hands. Mikasa stepped up in front of the crowd next. Levi watched the red roses go flying through the air in a perfect arc, then land in Eren’s hands. He thrust the bouquet into the air with a triumphant grin on his face.

“Nice job,” Levi said when Eren came back over with the roses.

“That’s so cool!” the cousin sitting on him shrieked. “I want flowers!”

Eren pulled one of the roses out of the bouquet and presented it to the girl, saying, “Here you go, Leyla!”

Leyla turned pink and giggled before running away. All right then.

“You guys look so cute together!” Eren sighed before sitting next to Levi. Then he got a shy look on his face that Levi didn’t really understand. “I forget you’re good with kids.”

“Yeah, I don’t get it either,” Levi agreed. He had the worst feeling that it was his short stature that made kids like him. Their thoughts were interrupted by the music starting up again.

“You wanna dance some more?” Eren asked. They got up and headed back to dance. It was a little awkward since his boyfriend was still holding that bouquet. After so many hours of dancing, it was starting to get hot as hell in the room. In fact, sweat was starting to drip down his armpits which was fucking gross.

“Let’s go outside!” Levi suggested. “It’s hot as fucking balls in here.”

“Good plan!” Eren agreed. They escaped the muggy ballroom into a nearby courtyard. Eren threw himself down onto a bench and sighed, “It feels really good out here.”

He smiled at Levi and patted the empty spot on the bench next to him. What a relief to sit down at last. It felt fucking awesome to give his poor feet a rest in the nice cool air. But what felt the best was Eren’s arm suddenly lying across his shoulder. Too bad the chill couldn’t do much for killing the blush on his face. Luckily, said face was currently smushed against Eren’s shoulder so at least none of the other couples milling around the courtyard could see.

“Are you having fun?” Eren asked.

“Yeah, I am,” Levi said. Even the seemingly endless stampede of relatives he was being introduced to was kinda fun. He fingered Eren’s lapel and added, “I’m liking this thing. Where the hell have you been hiding it?”

“Oh, it’s rented,” Eren said. Before Levi could pull away he added, “But we got our suits cleaned when we got them, so don’t worry.”

Thank Jesus. Levi relaxed again. Eren shifted next to him.

“I like _your_ suit,” he said shyly before squeezing Levi’s shoulder. “You look super-hot today.”

“Now wait a goddamn second, what about all the other days?” Levi teased. “You don’t think I look super-hot all the time?”

Eren snorted.

“You know I do,” he said. He leaned in closer before adding, “When we get home and I give you your Valentine’s present later I’ll prove it to you.”

“Horn dog,” Levi repeated. Eren made an affirmative humming sound and knocked their foreheads gently together. There was a little rustling sound, then a tickle on Levi’s knee. That bouquet still clutched in Eren’s hands was brushing up against him. Jesus, why the hell was the universe taunting him with this delightful fantasy? All Levi could think about was Eren’s slip of the tongue when he’d said “home”. A home with Eren. And that bouquet and all the dumb superstition around it was making him think again about not only home but future, too. It made him feel nervous as shit but still excited.

Wasn’t that what people said was a sign you were with The One? That made his whole body feel tingly and warm.

“Hey Eren,” Levi said. He leaned his head back against his boyfriend. “You’re really cool. Did you know that?”

“Yeah, kinda. You ready to go back inside? My fingers are getting cold.”

Levi grabbed his hands and wrapped his fingers around Eren’s. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the end! I still can't believe it.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all begins with one real estate listing.

_Six months later_

* * *

A huge weight suddenly bounced the couch cushion Levi was sitting on, followed by a breathless, “Hey!” Once his ass landed back in his seat Levi set down his magazine and turned toward Eren, who was holding out his iPad. “Check out this Zillow listing! I think it’s _perfect_ for us.”

“God the Pro is fucking gigantic. It’s ridiculous,” Levi said when he had the gigantor thing in his hands. Did it really have to be that fucking enormous?

“That’s what she said!” Eren snickered. “Anyway, look!”

That was one cute as fuck little craftsman house that was on the screen. Spacious lawn, two cars parked in the driveway, hell, it even had the clichéd white picket fence. Levi already liked it. Something about that house made it easy to picture living there with Eren. More so than any of the apartments they’d been looking at over the last few weeks.

Sounding a little guilty, Eren continued, “I know we talked about getting another apartment, but I was hoping we could talk over the possibility of renting a house instead because I’m in love with this house. It’s within commuting distance, we’d get a little extra square footage, the rent’s in our budget, there’s a real fireplace, and a two-car garage!”

“Nice. You’d never have to worry about leaving your car out on street-sweeping day again.”

Eren smiled. “If I hadn’t forgotten, we’d have never met. I’m glad I forgot.”

Levi was glad too. Life was the most random fucking thing. Who would have ever guessed that one day he’d fall in love with someone who’d forgotten to move their car out of the way of his sweeping truck? He still couldn’t believe it himself. Of course, he got amazing proof every day from Eren that this was all real.

“Hey, Levi! Look! This house has enough room in the yard for a dog!”

“Oh, we’re getting a dog now?”

“I think it’d be fun.” Eren nudged Levi’s shoulder and sent him a knowing look. “I’ve seen the German Shepherd puppy calendar you have hidden away. We could get one, I like German Shepherds too.”

“Isabel bought me that as a joke. She got it from the _clearance bin_.”

Eren raised his eyebrows. “C’mon Levi, it’s a 2009 calendar. You kept it for a reason. I don’t blame you, that October puppy is too cute for words.”

Levi leaned against Eren. “If we’re getting a puppy then I want a kitten too.”

“Can we get a sphynx kitten?”

“What kind?”

Eren took his iPad back and opened the internet browser. His brow furled in concentration as he tapped the screen furiously. He turned it back toward Levi saying, “The hairless kind.”

Levi stared at the wrinkled pink things stuffed into sweaters populating Eren’s iPad screen. Eren kept scrolling. The more he looked at the pictures, the more he thought, “It’s sorta cute. In a fugly kind of way. All right then. Once we get a house, we’re getting a dog and a cat.”

Eren buried his face in Levi’s shoulder. His voice came out muffled.

“God, I can’t wait for my lease to be up. I wanna move in with you yesterday.”

“Tell me about it,” Levi agreed. He was fucking sick of having to drive all the way over to Eren’s apartment when he wanted to spend time together. Which at this point, was every day. He liked being able to spend whole days with Eren. Even just sitting around one of their apartments doing fuckall while his boyfriend crammed for his upcoming mortician license exam was nice. Levi knew he wanted to be with Eren for the long run. He loved him. He couldn’t have felt more ready to start living together.

Plus, he was always forgetting his shit at Eren’s place and finding Eren’s shit in his apartment. It would be nice to just finally put all their shit together in one house. And there was one more benefit.

“You know, if we rent a house our jackass neighbors can’t wail on our walls when they get pissed off at us anymore when we’re fucking,” Levi pointed out. “A detached house sounds amazing. I’m glad you thought of it.”

“I’m glad you’re on board with it too!” Eren said, throwing his arms around Levi in a hug. “Just a few more weeks until I can move out. I am literally counting down the days.”

“Me. Too.”

Once Eren’s lease was up, it wouldn’t be too expensive for Levi to break his own lease. Then they’d be free to get a place together. Jesus fuck, this was all so exciting. Eren started tapping on his iPad again and zipped back to the Zillow app. “Should I contact the landlord about this place?”

“Lemme see it again.”

They scrolled through the pictures together. This house was fucking adorable. Levi loved it. As he looked at the listing, Eren added, “You know what else is great? It has two bedrooms! We can make the second one up as a guest room. You know, for when your nephew comes over for sleepovers. Or when _my_ nephew will! Or it might be a niece, we don’t know yet.”

What? Eren was beaming at him, clearly waiting for him to get something. Then it hit him.

“Wait, are Mikasa and Annie pregnant?”

“Well, _Annie’s_ pregnant. Mikasa spends too much time around the embalming chemicals. It wasn’t safe.”

“Annie trains fucking _attack dogs_ for a living how is that more safe?”

“Because her dad’s going to be the one handling the dogs until the baby’s born. It _is_ a family business. Oh here’s the email!” Eren opened the attachment and proudly showed Levi an ultrasound picture. At least, he thought it was an ultrasound picture. All Levi saw was gray squiggles and shit but Eren said, “Here’s the baby! I’m so excited. We’re gonna be uncles!”

 _Jesus H. Christ_.

Levi’s whole chest was abuzz with the excited bee feelings he was convinced were never going to go way when he was with Eren. He wasn’t sure if his boyfriend meant “We are going to be uncles because now both of our siblings have reproduced” or “We are going to be uncles of _this_ baby together”. If it was that second one, holy shit. Being family with Eren. It was everything he’d been dreaming of since Mikasa and Annie’s wedding.

“Let’s rent the fuck out of that house.”

* * *

“Oh my God, it’s ever better in person!” Eren gushed with his face pressed against the car window.

Levi set the parking brake before saying, “Don’t act too excited. We might get screwed if the landlord thinks she can raise the price on us.”

“Gotcha. I’ll try, but it’ll be hard. It’s _so_ cute.”

One look at the proved that fuck, it _was_ gonna be hard. Levi hadn’t realized from the pictures that those were rosebushes in the flowerbeds. And they were blooming. Ugh, this house was beautiful. It was kind of sickening. He felt Eren’s hand slip into his.

“This is really fun,” he said before pressing a kiss to Levi’s temple, “Shopping for a house together.”

Levi swallowed hard. “It is.”

They got out of the car and walked down a precious little stone path leading from the sidewalk to the front door. Levi could already picture their German Shepherd puppy running around the little yard. And the Sphynx would sit in that windowsill right there like a snooty gargoyle. Levi was already planning out his new commute when his fantasies were interrupted by the sound of the lock being opened by the landlord.

“The floor’s in good condition,” Eren noted once they got inside.

“The house was recently renovated,” the landlord replied.

She kept listing stats on the house, but Levi was looking around to get a feel for the place. There was an AC unit in the window, which was great because it was hot as balls outside. But in winter it would still be nice because of that romantic-ass fireplace. The room wasn’t too small and with all the windows it was pretty bright inside even without the lights turned on.

He felt Eren lean closer to him before whispering, “I think your couch would match this room” into his ear. It would. In fact, he could picture a lot of their furniture in here, in the bedrooms, and the kitchen. There were even fruit trees in the backyard.

They could have a fucking _orchard_ in their backyard. Fresh fruit every day. They’d be living like kings. Now that was some King  & King shit right there.

“So,” the landlord said when they had finished looking through the house. “What do you guys think?”

“Would we be allowed to have pets?” Eren asked.

“Yes, pets are allowed. There’s a doggie door in the kitchen door that leads outside.”

Eren was making that face that Levi knew so well when he was trying to hide how excited he was (he’d gotten plenty good at recognizing that face from all the times Eren was trying to secretly set up some romantic surprise). He was impressed at how cool and collected his boyfriend managed to sound when he asked her, “Can we talk this over for a minute?”

“Of course! I’ll wait over there.”

Eren took Levi’s hand and they walked further away. The façade finally cracked.

“If we don’t get this house I’m gonna die,” Eren announced in a whisper.

“I know,” Levi said. “I love it too. I want you to fuck me in front of that fireplace.”

A determined look took over Eren’s face.

“We’re making an offer,” he declared before taking Levi’s hand and walking back toward the landlord.

* * *

"Levi, why do you have _so many_ tools? They're friggin’ heavy!" Isabel whined. She hefted a box onto the dolly and struggled to push it up the driveway. "Shouldn't _Eren_ be the one moving all your shit? Why am _I_ here?"

"Because the only day we could move in was the same day Eren had his mortician license exam scheduled. Besides, I'm taking David for a weekend so you and Farlan can go on that trip. You owe me."

"Okay, so why are WE here?" Hange panted as they and Mike lifted his couch from the bed of Mike's pickup. Erwin followed them holding a lamp. “You’re not helping any of us get laid!”

"Because you're my friends and you fucking love me," Levi answered. He held the door open while Hange and Mike maneuvered the couch inside. "And I’m pretty sure that I have helped all of you move heavy shit before."

Hange grumbled something as they wrangled the couch in the door. Levi helped them lower it onto the rug to keep it from scratching the floors. He wanted to keep his beautiful hardwood floors in pristine shape. It’d fucking suck to lose that safety deposit.

"This place is nice," Erwin commented. He plugged in the lamp and tested the switches. "Very cute."

Isabel’s excited voice burst forth from the kitchen, "A doggie door! Tell me you're getting a dog!"

"That's the plan," Levi answered. Suddenly his arms were pinned to his sides as Hange barnacled themself to him.

“I’m so happy for you, Levi!” He never would have thought it was possible, but Hange actually managed to squeeze him harder while they squealed, “Getting a house, a partner, and now a dog! You’re all grown up!”

“Isabel. Get my crowbar.”

Hange leapt away like a ballerina on steroids, shrieking, “You’d bludgeon your best friend with a crowbar for being happy about your love life?”

“I wanted it to pry you off of me, not to bludgeon you.”

“Oh. Well. Good!” Hange grinned slyly. “I knew you loved me! Anyway, so when is the pizza coming? All this lifting is making me hungry.”

A knock sounded on the door.

“Speak of the devil, there’s your pizza.”

Hange threw open the door. “Hey, you’re not pizza!”

“Hello Hange,” came a voice from behind a stack of boxes.

“How was the test?” Levi asked. Eren set his stack of boxes inside. Mikasa followed, helping Armin and Jean bring in one of the headboards.

“It was easy,” Mikasa said as she led the furniture into the hallway.

Eren didn’t look as convinced when he muttered, “I _think_ it went okay.”

Levi followed Eren and the others out to his car to help him pick up the last mattress. “You had to have passed,” he pointed out. “You were studying all those gross charts for weeks.”

They lifted the mattress and started heading back into the house. They managed to get the thing into their new bedroom ( _their_ bedroom!) and onto the bed frame. Once he’d let go of the mattress, Eren said, “Thanks for quizzing me on those Levi. I’m sure it wasn’t that fun for you.”

“Don’t worry about it. It was interesting.”

And it had been, in a weird way. He knew a hell of a lot more about the human body and how to embalm one now than he had last week. Levi probably could have been happier without that knowledge, but he _was_ happier for having gotten to see Eren’s radiant smile when his boyfriend had stuck through all the quizzing. Even if it had gotten pretty graphic.

“Oh my God they’re so cute,” Hange loudly whispered from the doorway, clutching a box to their chest so hard the sides buckled.

“I know!” Isabel shrieked.

Okay, having a relationship cheering squad in the background was just a little bizarre. Luckily, the doorbell rang and this time thank fuck it was the pizza. Pretty much everyone fell into a food coma after that. Good thing all the heavy shit was in the house by then. He and Eren could handle unpacking the boxes by themselves once all their friends dragged their pizza-filled bodies out their front door.

It was dark by the time they got the bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen unpacked.

Once he’d set up the coffeemaker, Eren flopped dramatically onto the couch before announcing, “I’m done for the day!”

“The rest of our shit can wait,” Levi agreed (suppressing the thrill of calling it _their_ shit). He joined Eren on the couch where they enjoyed some blessed silence. After a few lazy minutes, the air conditioner hummed back to life, blasting nice cool air into the room. Ah, this was heaven.

“I wish it weren’t so hot out. I wanna try out the fireplace!” Eren said.

“Well, in two months it’ll be cold enough.”

Eren threw himself on Levi and hugged him tight. “Levi, I can’t wait to be all cuddled up in _our_ house in winter with our pets. And I can’t wait to go shopping for our own Christmas lights and decorate together and host our first holidays!”

It might have been fucking hot outside, but now Levi was imagining their place all decked out in Christmas shit that he and Eren would put up together. They’d get ugly Christmas sweaters, make out under the mistletoe, hopefully continue last year’s tradition of birthday lap dances, and ring in the new year with all of their friends (and champagne!).

“I can’t wait either,” Levi said before sliding his arms around Eren. In this heat, his overly-warm body straddling his lap should have been uncomfortable, but it just felt right instead. “I couldn’t be happier right now. I love you, Eren”

Eren leaned back, his face flush with happiness. “Awww, Levi! You sure know how to sweep a guy off his feet.”

“I try. For you.”

Eren just beamed. He shifted in Levi’s lap before adding, “We _did_ put the sheets on the bed, right?”

“Yes,” Levi confirmed. “Wanna go celebrate our first night of living together?”

“Hell yeah,” Eren said before climbing off the couch. He held out his hand. Levi took it and let Eren pull him to his feet and down the hallway to their bedroom.

“And Saturday, we’ll go the animal shelter!”

“I’d like that.”

It was the start of a wonderful new life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm done with this fic. I had a such a blast writing it and I wanted to thank all of you for your kinds comments and kudos. I hope you guys enjoyed reading SMOMF as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> (Eren passed his exam with flying colors and got his license by the way.)


End file.
